Hollywood Movie Review Series:

*Movies are in no particular order. Please use Crtl F on your keyboard to find a particular movie. Movies that got a wide release in the year after their first screening are listed in the next year. For example, 300 (2006) is listed in 2007 because it only got a wide release in 2007.

*Don't worry about spoilers. You can read the review of any movie without being afraid of spoilers and enjoy the movie if you watch it. I intentionally made sure not to ruin a movie by revealing a hidden plot or hidden climax scene. I simply pass or fail each scene and comment on them.

Three to Tango, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Rodney Patrick Vaccaro

Director: Damon Santostefano

Dialogue: Fail

Weak dialogue throughout.

Plot: Two guys want to land a contract.

Story: Relationships, Ambition.

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Dylan McDermott's acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Excellent acting by Neve Campbell.

Comments:

Fail of intro

Background of Chicago Tribune building? Does the Chicago tribune still exist? Nope. Bankrupt in 2008. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Neve Campbell. Wow. What a blast from the past. I'm reviewing this in 2018.

John C. McGinley from Scrubs. Nice to see you.

Asian Santas. Jokes.

Comedy feels forced so far after the business meeting.

Who’s keeping an eye on his mistress?

Novak is Hungarian. Really?

Fail of house friend scene

Fail of sculpture falling scene. Was this written by a comedy writer?

Fail of taxi scenes.

Fail of house talk scenes throughout.

Everything revealed at 37 minutes in the film. Really?

Fail of friend’s gay house scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Good bathtub scene.

Good newspaper reaction scene.

I thought she would realize when his hand was on her lap. I was wrong.

Omnisexual. Oh dear.

Doesn't care enough about you to a have fight. Kudos.

Decent climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Fail of ending.

Production budget was way too high.

Chill Factor, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Drew Gitlin, Mike Cheda

Director: Hugh Johnson

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

"What rational man could fit in with the sorts of things our government was doing?" Good line, decent delivery.

Plot: US govt wants to develop biowarfare weapons.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro

Fail of plot. Too stupid.

10 years and he's like that? Sigh. Understandable, but fails in the way it’s done.

Fail of music content throughout.

Fail of military infiltration scene.

Fail of escape scene, too unbelievable. Sadly the failure of suspension of disbelief continues throughout the movie.

Fail of sheriff convenience store scene.

Fail of almost all scenes after.

2 idiots evade former military. Too unbelievable.

Fail of all truck scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Harris Goldberg, Rob Schneider

Director: Mike Mitchell

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Good plunge sex scene.

Respect the 18th century Persian carpet. Jokes.

Good house scenes throughout.

Good gigolo scenes throughout.

Dog chewing through the door. Jokes.

Decent woman fight scene.

Eddie Griffin in a blockbuster movie. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Good training/prep scenes throughout.

Good bathroom scene.

Strips off his clothes. Jokes.

Tourette syndrome woman. Jokes. Very well done.

Good stadium scene.

Narcolepsy woman. Jokes.

Decent date scene.

Fail of cop scenes throughout.

Kills the fish. Jokes.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Teaching Mrs. Tingle, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Kevin Williamson

Director: Kevin Williamson

Dialogue: Pass

"Don't tease us Mr. Berry. When you shoot, make it count." Decent line, good delivery. Good facial expression of girl after.

Plot: A teacher doesn't want to give a student a good grade.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Helen Mirren as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Katie Holmes. What a blast from the past. In my teenage years I loved watching Dawson’s Creek. But don't tell anyone.

That’s a lot of extras making shitty hourly wages. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

Good class scenes throughout.

Vivica A. Fox. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Odd that it was that easy to find the test from her bag.

Shame it went downhill with the house scenes. Should have kept it in school.

Fail of house scenes throughout the movie. Sorry, but even Helen Mirren's great acting can't pass this movie.

Good psychology manipulation scenes throughout.

Ah yes, the hot sex. Lovely.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

My Favorite Martian, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Sherri Stoner, Deanna Oliver

Director: Donald Petrie

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: US govt wants to find an alien.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Christopher Lloyd.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Elizabeth Hurley and Christopher Lloyd in a major movie. Wow. What a blast from the past.

The coat is alive. Jokes.

Fail of military/scientist scene.

The coat character is the best character in the movie.

Nuclear implosion couplers. Jokes.

Excellent change room scene.

Zipper trouble. Jokes.

Seniors dancing. Jokes.

Fail of ice cream scene.

Fail of scientist experimentation of woman scene.

Body parts coming off. Jokes.

Good house seduction scene.

Excellent news office/studio scene. Very well done.

Excellent chase scene.

Good science experimentation scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Crazy in Alabama, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Mark Childress

Director: Antonio Banderas

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A woman wants to kill her husband.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

I had no idea that Antonio Banderas directed movies. You learn something new every day.

Ah, the life of poor southern white people. Breaks my heart.

Fail of narration throughout.

Fail of ghost scenes throughout.

Fail of most scenes throughout.

Fail of writing.

I feel that the race riots were just thrown in to mix it up from the main plot.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing, music, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

How did this movie get a wide release? Is Hollywood even trying with this movie?

Galaxy Quest, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Howard, Robert Gordon

Director: Dean Parisot

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro. Too stupid.

Hey, Alan Rickman (Snape from Harry Potter). Nice to see you again. Shame that the movie is garbage.

This movie reminds me of William Shatner's legacy with the Star Trek cast behind the scenes.

Good bathroom scene. And everything goes downhill from there.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Even aliens shouldn't be this stupid. How did this movie get a wide release?

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Complete fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

This movie doesn't even deserve to be direct to video/streaming. That’s how bad it is.

No one should even speak about this movie ever again.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $100 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Election, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Director: Alexander Payne

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A girl wants to be the student body president.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro

Good janitor shot. Could have made it bigger and more memorable.

Too much narration throughout. You gotta find a balance.

Screwing a student. While people in the ‘70s and ‘80s turned a blind eye to such things, in 2020, it's highly frowned upon.

A lot of forced acting.

Fail of narration sleep scene.

Teacher watching student porn. Yup, sounds about right. Teachers have been having sex with their students for quite some time.

Calgary teacher got away with decades of sexual assaults, lawsuit alleges

Horace Mann Prep-School Predators

Horace Mann alum details horrifying new sexual abuse claims in lawsuit

Ex-gym teacher sent to prison for sexually assaulting 13-year-old student

Former principal admits to filming daughter’s friends — after blaming 9-year-old son

Reading Celestine Prophecy. Jokes.

Good reaction scene to other running mate. Again, could have made it bigger.

This movie had a lot of potential.

And now the sister is narrating. Oh dear.

Fail of sex scene.

Good speech scene.

And the writing goes downhill.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Michael McCullers, Mike Myers

Director: Jay Roach

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: An evil genius wants to take over the world.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro, corny but it works.

Good Jerry Springer scene.

Fail of photography scene.

Decent evil scenes throughout.

Nice to see Rob Lowe again.

Excellent Fat Albert scenes throughout.

Good penis pointing scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Solid movie.

The Mod Squad, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Stephen Kay, Scott Silver, Kate Lanier

Director: Scott Silver

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Cops want to break up an illegal movement.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Dennis Farina as usual.

Comments:

Good intro.

Good club scenes throughout.

Good car talk scene.

Unbelievable plot, but I’ll go with it for now.

Decent chase scene. Could have done without the cheesy BG music.

Good real plot.

Decent climax scene.

Decent ending.

Weak movie, but passable with good acting.

American Beauty, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Alan ball

Director: Sam Mendes

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Various people want a better life.

Story: Family, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Excellent music content.

Excellent narration throughout.

Good school scenes throughout.

Excellent dark cheerleader moment with music that has been parodied so much because of its greatness.

Excellent kitchen scene with music.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Wood, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Rick Famuyiwa, Todd Boyd

Director: Rick Famuyiwa

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man doesn't want to get married.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro. Talking directly to the audience...sigh. It can work, but in moderation.

Boring past scenes.

Is this a comedy or drama?

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of embarrassing dance scene, but had potential.

Ah…the problems of Black players who get too much p*ssy. Yawn.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

The Insider, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Eric Roth, Michael Mann

Director: Michael Mann

Dialogue: pass

Plot: Big tobacco wants to cover up health related issues.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Al Pacino’s acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of blindfold interview scene.

Decent home scene, weak cinematography.

Good bullshit media issue scene. Well done.

Pay phones. Oh dear.

Ah...the life of investigative journalism. A dying art...unless it targets conservatives.

Good office meeting scene.

Fail of golf scene. ah yes, the light intimidation.

Fail of music content throughout.

Decent car scene.

Good media talk scene.

Good backyard night intimidation scene. Standard procedure. Well done.

Fail of restaurant talk scene.

Good taping scene.

Good airport scene.

Excellent testimony scene.

Weak beginning, but it picked up.

Good media litigation scenes throughout.

I can't help but see the similarities between this office scene and the Weinstein story by Ronnan Farrow formerly at NBC News.

Solid movie. Didn’t need the Middle East terrorism scene in the beginning.

Excellent Christopher plumber blow up scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Weak music content throughout.

Just so everyone knows in 2018, after all the lawsuits, settlements, and fines, Big tobacco is doing great.

The Other Sister, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Bob Brunner, Garry Marshall

Director: Garry Marshall

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A girl wants a better life.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Juliette Lewis.

Excellent acting by Diane Keaton.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good family scenes throughout.

Good family therapist talk scene.

Ah, the pressures against people with developmental disabilities in the past.

While the stigma is not as prevalent today, it's still there.

Excellent family fight scenes throughout.

Excellent dating/relationship scenes throughout.

Yup, the embarrassment and burden on parents.

Excellent church scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Solid movie.

Should have made much more money. The fact that it didn't proves that God does NOT exist.

Random Hearts, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Darryl Ponicsan

Director: Sydney Pollack

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two married people want to cheat on their partners.

Story: Ambition, Relationships.

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of police scenes throughout.

Ah, the wife of a married cop, what do you expect?

Good funeral scene.

Good initial talk scene with woman.

Hey, Kate Mara from House of Cards. Nice to see you again.

Good restaurant scene.

Good car scene.

Good bowling scene.

Good relationship scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Not a great movie but passable.

This movie shouldn't have cost $64 million to make. Columbia Pictures has money to burn.

Mystery Alaska, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: David E. Kelley, Sean O'Byrne

Director: Jay Roach

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A hockey team wants to get rid of a long time player.

Story: Character, Relationships.

Characters: Fail

Good wife character.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of locker room talk scene.

Good public kiss dad scene.

Quite a few big names in this movie.

A cover-up for weak writing.

Why would the NHL need more publicity? The Toronto Maple Leafs haven't won in 50 years but the seats are still full and well padded with unlimited money.

Claiming your man in the truck. Well done.

Fail of trial scene.

Fail of most house scenes.

Everyone’s gotta die. At least he went fighting for his community.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

It had potential to pass.

Almost $30 million production budget. Really?

Simply Irresistible, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Judith Roberts

Director: Mark Tarlov

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A bank wants to foreclose on a restaurant.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Sarah Michelle Gellar. Wow. Nice to see you again. It's been so long.

Happiness drops by the third date? Jokes.

Cheesy music over the top but I'll let it pass.

Ah, the recipe life before YouTube clips.

Fail of breakup scene.

Good work/office scenes throughout.

Good awkward scenes throughout.

Good dating scenes throughout.

Desert bit done too much, but...

Decent blowup fight scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Anna and the King, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Steve Meerson, Peter Krikes

Director: Andy Tennant

Dialogue: Fail

"I didn't touch you, I shoved you. Why don't you get one of your slaves to shove me back." Good line, and delivery.

Plot: Neighbor countries want to take over Thailand.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Ah…royalty in Bangkok and slaves. Lovely.

How did this movie get a wide release in 1999? Star power.

Excellent public execution scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Complete fail of writing.

And now Thailand is a brothel for pedophiles all over the world. Lovely.

Analyze This, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Kenneth Lonergan, Peter Tolan, Harold Ramis

Director: Harold Ramis

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Mob bosses want to kill each other.

Story: Ethics, Character, Family, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Billy Crystal.

Excellent acting by Lisa Kudrow.

Comments:

Good narrated intro.

Mafia wants to run.

Excellent psychologist scenes throughout.

Good car scene.

Excellent hospital scene.

Excellent aquarium scene.

Excellent writing.

Excellent church hug scene.

Excellent pier scene.

Ride him hard and put him back in the barn wet. Jokes. Very well done.

Excellent mob boss meeting scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Well done.

American Pie, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Adam Herz

Director: Paul Weitz, Chris Weitz

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A group of guys want to have sex.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent characters.

Good party scene.

Excellent family dad son scenes throughout.

Good apple pie scene.

Excellent web cam sex scene.

Excellent Stifler mom's scene.

Decent climax scene.

Good ending.

While the other actors were good, Eugene Levy's acting really pushed this movie to new heights.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Deep End of the Ocean, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Stephen Schiff

Director: Ulu Grosbard

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Someone wants to steal a boy.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Michelle Pfeiffer.

Comments:

Good intro.

Whoppi Goldberg. Wow. Nice to see you on a the big screen.

Excellent mother scenes throughout. Excellent writing.

Excellent family fight scenes throughout.

Good explanations story of the woman.

Excellent awkward family scenes throughout.

Good jail scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

This movie shouldn't have cost almost $40 million to make. But it should have made more than almost $30 million. The fact that it didn't proves that God does NOT exist.

An Ideal Husband, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Oliver Parker

Director: Oliver Parker

Dialogue: Fail

"Power over other man is the one and only thing worth having." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A woman wants to blackmail a man.

Story: Relationships, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Julianne Moore. Very well done.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Another period piece. F*ck sakes.

Ah, the problems of rich royal white people. Sigh.

I know this is a 1999 film, but with period pieces you wouldn't know. Stop making rich White period pieces. No one gives a f*ck except White racists.

Everyone is a paradox. Get that armchair philosophy crap outta here. And that’s coming from a philosopher.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Ah…blackmail. Now we're talking.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing. Too boring for me.

Fail of flashback scene.

Fail of parliament passionate scene. But it had potential. I'm sure it took a lot of takes.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Arlington Road, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ehren Kruger

Director: Mark Pellington

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A family wants a better life.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro. That was...something.

Fail of home scene.

Why terrorism? Oh dear. But it is a 1999 movie.

Decent classroom scene.

Former TA screwing her advisor now? Excellent. I’m sure that past feminists would approve while the MeToo movement/feminism today would shame them.

The Feminist Victim Mentality, Consent & Power Dynamics

Flat house/backyard scenes throughout.

Good flashback scene. Well done.

Interesting real plot.

Good child door scene. Very well done.

Good girlfriend investigation scene.

Good investigation scenes. The movie has picked up.

Weird house scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending. Too unbelievable, but still passable.

A Civil Action, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Steven Zaillian

Director: Steven Zaillian

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A company wants to poison a town's drinking water.

Story: Ethics, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Excellent court scene. Very well done. Jokes.

Ah…scummy heartless lawyers. May they burn in hell after Wall Street banks and insurance executives.

Decent realization scene.

Good narration throughout.

Nice to see lawyers in 1999 vs. watching them on Suits.

James Gandolfini. Nice to see you.

Good deposition scenes throughout.

Good trial scenes throughout.

Good investigation scenes throughout.

Pride has lost more cases then lousy evidence. Really? I didn't know that.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

The production budget is way too high. $75 million. Really? Disney has money to burn.

Shakespeare in Love, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Marc Norman, Tom Stoppard

Director: John Madden

Dialogue: Pass

"How your mind hops about." Jokes.

Plot: A moneylender wants to collect money.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Surprisingly excellent acting by Ben Affleck. Wow.

Good acting by Colin Firth as usual.

Excellent acting by Simon Callow.

Comments:

Decent intro.

One of the few period pieces that was a Commercial Success.

Decent therapy talk scene.

Decent theatre scene.

Good bedroom scene.

Good talk scenes throughout.

Fail of boat scene.

The man to ride her. There’s your locker room talk.

Good ball scene.

Decent climb scene.

Could have done with a bit more comedy. It’s like the comedy is only being squeezed in. Weak comedy writing.

Good initial Ben Affleck scene.

Middle aged guys wanting to screw a young woman. Definitely produced by the Weinstein brothers.

Good sex/attendant scene. Best scene of the movie.

Decent dating/relationship scenes throughout.

Good queen scene.

Good sword fight scene.

Good tavern scene.

Woman on the stage. Jokes.

Good pre-climax scenes.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Big Daddy, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Steve Franks, Tim Herlihy, Adam Sandler

Director: Dennis Dugan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: An ex-girlfriend wants her former boyfriend to take care of their estranged son.

Story: Relationships, Ambition, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good child acting throughout.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of guys talk party scene.

Decent bar scene.

Good Rob Schneider foreigner scenes throughout. He pulls it off well.

Good McDonald’s scene.

Decent father son scenes throughout.

Decent court climax scene.

Decent ending.

Weak movie but passable.

10 Things I Hate About You, 1999: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Karen McCullah, Kirsten Smith

Director: Gil Junger

Dialogue: Pass

"I had some great duck last night." Good line and delivery.

Plot: A father doesn't want to let his daughters date.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Allison Janney as usual.

Excellent acting by Julia Stiles.

Excellent acting by Larry Miller.

Comments:

Good intro.

Excellent guidance counselor scenes throughout.

Good class scenes throughout, but fail of teacher.

Two White Black wannabes. Jokes. Sadly, today it would be considered racist. People wonder when all the comedy died. It died when the clock struck 12 on December 31, 1999.

Excellent father daughter scenes throughout.

Excellent dating scenes throughout. Very well done.

Good party scene.

Ah…high school love. Maybe in my next lifetime.

Excellent soccer love song scene.

Excellent dating scenes throughout.

Good study scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Double Jeopardy, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: David Weisberg, Douglas Cook

Director: Bruce Beresford

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Someone wants to frame a woman for murder.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Ashley Judd as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good party scene.

Good night scene.

Good trial scene.

Good investigation scenes throughout.

Excellent jail scenes throughout.

Doesn’t make sense she can't help from police for the husband now alive.

Excellent night escape scene.

Excellent car talk scene.

Good boat scene. Well done.

Good confrontation scene.

Good cemetery scene. Well done.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

The Thin Red Line, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Terrence Malick

Director: Terrence Malick

Dialogue: Fail

Stale dialogue throughout

Plot: US navy wants to seize a Japanese island.

Story: Survival, Purpose

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent boat talk scene.

Fail of ship scene.

Fail of narration throughout.

Nice cinematography throughout but not enough to pass a movie.

Too many perspectives.

A lot of big names in the movie.

Fake explosions to motivate the men. Yup, sounds about right.

Everything feels forced.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: George Lucas

Director: George Lucas

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: An evil being wants to rule the galaxy.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent land/water scene.

Good new planet scenes throughout.

Excellent pod racing scene.

Decent sand fight scene.

Good parliament scene.

Good battle scenes throughout.

Excellent climax fight scenes with music.

Decent ending.

Edtv, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel

Director: Ron Howard

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A TV studio wants better ratings.

Story: Ambition, Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of bar scene.

A reality show movie in the ‘90s. Sigh.

Powerfully stupid movie.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

The low bar of garbage Hollywood movies. Sigh.

Bill Maher? Oh dear.

A yahoo banner? Oh dear.

Fail of all meeting room scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Should have been direct to video/streaming.

$80 million production budget. Universal Pictures has money to burn.

Payback, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Brian Helgeland, Terry Hayes

Director: Brian Helgeland

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Thieves want to kill one of their own.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Excellent walk scene.

Excellent narration throughout.

Ah those old credit card machines with the paper receipt. I remember those.

Excellent cinematography throughout.

Decent apartment scene.

Good flashback scenes throughout.

Good drug guy scene.

Decent gambling scene.

Ah…the usual liberal BDSM. Well done.

Decent restaurant scene.

Decent woman apartment scene.

Fail of syndicate dialogue throughout.

Oh my god. John Glover from Smallville. Wow. Nice to see you again.

Good Asian beating up scene.

Good apartment fight scene.

Good car scene.

Decent syndicate office scene.

Excellent shoulder bag scene.

Good Asian shootout scene.

Decent climax scene.

Fail of ending.

She's All That, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: R. Lee Fleming, Jr.

Director: Robert Iscove

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: a girl wants to cheat on her boyfriend.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Decent intro.

Paul Walker. Wow.

Always nice to see the token Black guy.

Slutty empowered women. Lovely.

Saying it would be fun to kill yourself. Yikes. High school in the ‘90s is the same today. But today it's worse because of the social media.

Ah…the problems of rich privileged White people. Cry me a river.

Characters are too unbelievable.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of most dating scenes.

It’s weird to see them dating. She looks like a child and he looks like an adult. And you wonder why pedophilia is rampant in liberal Hollywood and around the world. Hollywood conditioning at its best.

Fail of beach scene.

Fail of most scenes.

Fail of writing.

The best part was the stair scene, which is available on YouTube.

She's All That (7/12) Movie CLIP - The New Laney Boggs (1999)

Fail of party scene.

Fail of dream scene.

Fail of cafeteria scene.

Even Usher can't save this garbage movie.

I wonder how long it took to shoot that dance scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

October Sky, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Lewis Colick

Director: Joe Johnston

Dialogue: Fail

"What about gasoline?" "That's a good idea. Four unidentifiable high school students lost their lives early this morning when their toy rocket exploded." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Soviets want to dominate space.

Story: Ambition, Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Jake Gyllenhaal’s acting. Wrong actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Jake Gyllenhaal as a child actor. Wow.

Ah…the warm loving and toxic polluting coal. Lovely.

Ah…the deep state war that Democrats and Republicans yearn for. US vs. Russia until the end of time.

They use to laugh at conspiracy theorists. But none are laughing today. Liberals and Democrats fear conspiracy theorists in 2021 and censor them all. My, how the tables of influence have turned.

Fail of class scene.

Fail of home scene.

Fail of cafeteria scene.

Fail of rocket building scenes throughout.

Good adult beat up scene.

Good boy working scene.

Fail of family dinner scene. Had potential to be great.

Good chalkboard scene.

Fail of blow up scene.

Fail of angry wife scene. It had potential to work.

Fail of climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Excellent real life ending credits.

Office Space, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Mike Judge

Director: Mike Judge

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A company wants to lay off employees.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Good intro. Jokes.

Good micromanaging scene.

Fail of home scene.

Hey, the guy from Scrubs (John C. McGinley). Nice to see you again.

Fail of therapy session.

Fail of most company scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of music content.

Fail of writing, directing, acting.

Good solution scene.

If this movie was done today it could be great.

Fail of car scene.

Fail of all scenes. Oh dear god.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

How did this movie get a wide release?

This should have been direct to video/streaming.

Runaway Bride, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Josann McGibbon, Sara Parriott

Director: Garry Marshall

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A woman wants to leave men at the alter.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Ah…the days when columnists/anchor people had fame and pictures of themselves on walls. Sadly, that still exists today (at least for anchors) in the form of million dollar salaries and perks.

Matt Lauer, Megyn Kelly and Anderson Cooper among highest-paid news hosts

Who Are the Highest-Paid News Anchors?

Decent bar scene.

USA Today. The Gannet Company stock is around $5.00 a share. You might want to get out before it goes bankrupt. I wonder what will happen to all that ad revenue when Trump is no longer president. A tear for mainstream media outlets.

Good hairdresser scenes throughout.

An arm holder of a dog's face. Wow. I didn't even know those exist.

Good house family scene.

I like how the father takes it in stride. Jokes.

The boy holding the wedding dress. Jokes.

Betting on whether she leaves or not. Jokes.

God damn these liberal women breaking men's hearts.

Good church scene.

Good baseball scene.

Solid writing.

Decent car scene.

Good honest talk scene.

Excellent wedding rehearsal scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Stuart Little, 1999: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: M. Night Shyamalan, Greg Brooker

Director: Rob Minkoff

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A family wants to adopt a child.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro. Too stupid.

Not exactly a stupid comedy but...

Excellent cat mouse relationship scenes throughout.

The snowbell cat is so loving and cute.

House scenes are passable for kids.

Fail of investigation scenes. Too stupid.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

$133 million production budget. Holy f*ck. Sony Pictures Releasing has money to burn.

Never Been Kissed, 1999: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein

Director: Raja Gosnell

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A woman wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Good media office scenes throughout.

Ah the cruel nature of high school.

Hey, the guy from Alias (Michael Vartan). Nice to see you.

Decent to good high school scenes throughout.

Leelee Sobieski. Wow. Nice to see you. Been a long time.

Good club scene.

Jessica Alba. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Notting Hill, 1999: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Richard Curtis

Director: Roger Michell

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent bookstore scene.

Decent room scene.

Good dating scenes throughout.

Fail of overhearing conversation scene.

Alec Baldwin. Oh dear.

UK media obsessing over a Hollywood star. Just die already.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Far from the best love story, but passable.

Baby Geniuses, 1999: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Bob Clark, Greg Michael

Director: Bob Clark

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Plot: A company wants to create super babies.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of explanation scene.

Christopher Lloyd. Nice to see you again. Been a long time.

Fail of conference scene.

Hey the guy from Ally McBeal (Peter MacNicol). Wow. What a blast from the past. Not that I watched the show.

Fail of baby talk scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes.

A Sony walkman/cassette player? Ah the era of the ‘90s. I still have my cassettes. But I tossed my collection of VHS recordings. Taking up too much space in the garage.

Decent changing scene.

Fail of all house scenes throughout.

Complete fail of writing, acting, directing.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

I'm surprised this garbage movie made $36 million. Wow.

Inspector Gadget, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Kerry Ehrin, Zak Penn

Director: David Kellogg

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: Someone wants to steal an advanced robotic invention.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Family

Characters: Fail

Terrible characters.

Acting: Fail

Terrible acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro. too stupid and over the top.

Michelle Trachtenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Wow.

A Yahoo poster. Again? This is the second time I've seen it in a 1999 movie. It’s a shame that Marissa Mayer burned it to the ground and sold it for a fraction of its original value.

Yahoo’s False Prophet: How Marissa Mayer Failed to Turn the Company Around

The Inevitable Death of the Marissa Mayer Dream

Yahoo is Yahoo once more after new owners complete acquisition

Fail of chase scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of hospital scene.

So, he's a pre-Tony Stark Iron Man. Lovely.

Fail of car scenes throughout.

There’s a reason why some things should stay as a cartoon.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting, cinematography.

Fail of building scene.

Trying to flush a robotic foot in the toilet. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Good end credits scene.

Wing Commander, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Kevin Droney

Director: Chris Roberts

Dialogue: Fail

Some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard.

Plot: Aliens want to conquer space and destroy Earth.

Story: Ethics, Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Tcheky Karyo.

Good acting by Saffron Burrows.

Comments:

Fail of intro

Funny that in 2021 we're still using antiquated rocket fuel for space travel. What a joke.

Fail of cheesy music content.

Fail of almost all scenes. It’s complete garbage.

Fail of all attack scenes.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting, and cinematography.

At least they were kind enough to throw in a few visible minorities. The studios gotta hit their diversity quotas. All while the White characters in charge “take care of business.”

I can imagine the audience completely tuning out of this movie and falling asleep.

Fail of all jump scenes. Just leave it to Battlestar Galactica.

Fail of all pilot scenes throughout.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of tense gun scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made under $15 million proves that God DOES exist.

Universal Solider 2: The Return, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: William Malone, John Fasano

Director: Mic Rodgers

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: US military wants to shut down a super soldier program.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Terrible acting from everyone other than Van Damme

Comments:

Fail of intro.

I grew up watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Let's see if it can stand up to the test of time in 2018.

Fail of boast chase scene, more so because of the garbage rock music.

Fail of initial fight scene.

A Black man's voice as AI? Holy f*ck. Don't show this movie to Silicon Valley. They'll be in tears.

Decent meeting scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete garbage.

Fail of music content.

Not getting killed until she gets her story. What? Doesn't make sense.

Complete fail of all reporter scenes throughout.

Fail of all gun scenes throughout with the garbage music content.

Fail of Seth speech scene.

Fail of all Seth scenes throughout.

Good clubhouse fight scene.

Fail of nerd creator scenes throughout.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of climax fight scenes

Fail of ending.

Unfortunately, like most childhood movies, it didn’t live up to my adult expectations.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

Three Kings, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: David O. Russell

Director: David O. Russell

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Iraqi officials want to hide gold from American soldiers.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by George Clooney. One of his best performances.

Excellent acting by Cliff Curtis.

Good acting by Mark Wahlberg as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Excellent sex scene. Well done.

Excellent characters.

Good flashback scenes.

Good visualization scene.

Good music content.

Excellent search scenes throughout.

Tries to break the door down with his shoulder. Jokes.

Excellent standoff scene. Very well done.

Excellent capture and escape scenes.

Excellent talk scene.

Excellent car scene with music. Very well done.

Excellent climax scene with music.

Good ending.

Excellent writing and acting.

One of the best movies of all time.

The World is Not Enough, 1999: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, Bruce Feirstein

Director: Michael Apted

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A terrorist wants to cause terrorism.

Story: Ambition, Ethics.

Characters: Pass

Fail of Renard terrorist character.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Denise Richards’ acting.

Fail of Robert Carlyle’s acting. Wrong actor for the role.

Comments:

Good intro.

Good MI6 office and boat chase scene.

Always fabulous to see female empowerment at its best in James Bond movies.

The MeToo movement would be so proud. And yet women love James Bond movies and will pay a pretty penny to see it in theaters. That's the power of liberal patriarchal conditioning.

Good Q scenes as usual.

Grow stronger every day. Beyond suspension of disbelief.

Decent bodyguard scenes throughout.

Good ski scene.

Good casino scenes.

Fail of all Renard scenes throughout.

Fail of all Denise Richards scenes throughout.

Good bomb tunnel scene.

Fail of betrayal scene. Doesn’t make sense. Way too easy.

Good pier attack scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Well done. But it barely passed.

Brokedown Palace, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: David Arata

Director: Jonathan Kaplan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A group of people want to smuggle drugs.

Story: Relationships, Ethics, Purpose.

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Bangkok and freedom. Yup…freedom from morals.

Are Americans really this dumb? Sadly, yes.

Fail of jail scenes throughout.

Fail of court scene.

Fail of boxing talk scene.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of all investigation scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Wild Wild West, 1999: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: S. S. Wilson, Brent Maddock, Jeffrey Price, Peter S. Seaman

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Dialogue: Pass

"If we are pursuing Loveless, why is he behind us?" Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Terrorists want to take over the US government.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good sex scene.

Excellent naked scene.

Cheesy music content throughout, but hopefully it won't ruin the movie.

Excellent bar scene.

Sheep on the White House lawn. Jokes.

Good white house scene.

Good bike horse street scene.

Excellent train scenes throughout.

Corny villain, but I'll let it pass.

Good ball scene.

Good room scenes.

Excellent outdoor night scene.

Excellent train attack scene.

Good friend escape scene.

Good president attack scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

$170 million production budget. Holy f*ck. Warner Bros. Pictures has money to burn.

Passed with 4 writers. Rare. Well done.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Matrix, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Director: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: AI wants to destroy humanity.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Character.

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting throughout.

Comments:

Good intro.

That's a strong empowered women who doesn't believe she's a victim. Feminists would weep.

Excellent gun fight scenes throughout. I don't want to see any main actors/actresses in this movie to campaign against gun violence.

Excellent fight scenes throughout.

Excellent office scene.

Excellent interrogation scene.

Good car scene.

Good music content throughout.

Excellent special effects as usual.

Excellent Morpheus talk scene.

Excellent real world scenes throughout.

Excellent matrix simulation scenes throughout.

Excellent human farm scene.

Excellent training scenes throughout.

Excellent meeting up/oracle/fight scene.

Excellent building interrogation/attack scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Decent ending.

Excellent writing, directing, acting, and cinematography.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Mummy, 1999: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Stephen Sommers

Director: Stephen Sommers

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: An evil priest wants another man’s wife.

Story: Relationships, Ambition.

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent war scene.

Excellent library scene.

Good jail/execution scene.

Decent ship scene.

Good search scenes throughout.

Good coffin excavation scenes throughout.

Good mummy scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Man on the Moon, 1999: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Scott Alexander, Larry Karaszewski

Director: Milos Forman

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A bar wants to fire a comedian.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Purpose.

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro. Powerfully stupid.

Fail of standup comedy scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes.

How did this movie get a wide release? Star power.

Complete fail of writing.

Powerfully stupid wrestling scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Lovely genuine art movie, but not meant for a wide release. This movie should have been direct to video/streaming.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $40 million proves that God does NOT exist.

The Thomas Crown Affair, 1999: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Leslie Dixon, Kurt Wimmer

Director: John McTiernan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Thieves wants to steal valuable art.

Story: Ambition, Relationships.

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Renne Russo’s acting.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good office scenes throughout.

Good theft scenes throughout.

Odd that no one saw him, but....

Fail of investigation scenes throughout.

Fail of golf scene.

Fail of most dating scenes.

Weak character development throughout.

Fail of jealous cop scenes throughout.

Fail of all Brosnan and Russo scenes throughout.

Good climax scene with music, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, 1999: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Luc Besson, Andrew Birkin

Director: Luc Besson

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

"Who are you to even think you can know the difference between good and evil?" Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: Bandits want to pillage towns and rape women.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Purpose.

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of John Malkovich’s acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Fail of Milla Jovovich’s acting. Not the right actress for the role.

Comments:

Good intro.

Ah…the days when priests were respected and acted as counselors, philosophers, psychologists and teachers. And today they're just scummy pedophiles with delusions of serving a patriarchal god. Humanity’s development is tragic entertainment.

Fail of all child god scenes throughout. Just terrible.

If you're a Christian, you might interpret this as the devil or an angel. If you're a new age believer, you might interpret this as possession/channeling by another entity.

Good forest/wolf run scene.

Raping a dead woman. That’s as low as it gets (or not. Sadly, it can get lower).

The plot goes downhill after that.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Boring and flat scenes throughout.

Fail of all battle scenes.

Pulls the arrow out herself. That’s a strong woman. I love it.

Fail of all vision scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Continued in Part 2