Hollywood Movie Review Series:

*Movies are in no particular order. Please use Crtl F on your keyboard to find a particular movie. Movies that got a wide release in the year after their first screening are listed in the next year. For example, 300 (2006) is listed in 2007 because it only got a wide release in 2007.

*Don't worry about spoilers. You can read the review of any movie without being afraid of spoilers and enjoy the movie if you watch it. I intentionally made sure not to ruin a movie by revealing a hidden plot or hidden climax scene. I simply pass or fail each scene and comment on them.

Freaky Friday, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Heather Hach, Leslie Dixon

Director: Mark Waters

Dialogue: Pass

"I for one am not crazy. I'm merely a grown women trapped in my daughter’s body."

Plot: A mother and daughter want to understand each other.

Story: Family, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Jamie Lee Curtis. Very well done.

Comments:

Excellent intro. Very well done.

Good car scene.

Wrong way. Jokes.

Good therapy scene.

Good grocery store scene.

Decent band scene.

Hugging the wrong girl. Could have been funnier.

Why is that girl so pale? Must be British.

Excellent children in room scene.

Removing the daughter's bedroom door. Jokes.

Ah…the sad reality of having a psychologist mother (no sarcasm intended).

Good restaurant scene.

Excellent morning scene. Jokes.

Excellent mirror scene.

Excellent dressing scene.

Excellent solution scenes throughout.

Good classroom scene.

Good psychiatrist scene.

Good car scene.

Good talk show scene.

Fail of guy outside house scene.

Decent band scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Gods and Generals (Extended Edition), 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Ronald F. Maxwell

Director: Ronald F. Maxwell

Dialogue: Fail

Corny dialogue throughout.

Too much dialogue. Actions and facial expressions can say much more.

Fail of old Victorian dialogue.

"You may tell that tyrant, that destroyer of civil liberties, that warmongerer...that I am indisposed.” Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Southern nations want to secede from the USA.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Jeff Daniels’ acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

There's a reason why civil war period pieces fail.

Too long and boring.

Soldiers invoking God's teachings. Yawn.

Would have liked an answer to how we can tolerate slavery as part of the law.

Seeing Black people playing the role of an idiot get's annoying.

I think I saw three Black characters. A disgrace for a civil war film.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

$12.8 million at the box office on a $56 million budget. Ouch.

The In-Laws, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Andrew Bergman, Nat Mauldin, Ed Solomon

Director: Andrew Fleming

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A smuggler wants a Russian submarine.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Pass

Excellent CIA agent character.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Michael Douglas’ acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Good acting by Albert Brooks.

Comments:

Fail of car intro. Good music though.

Good dentist scene.

Good airplane scene.

Good house scene.

Good surveillance confusion scene.

Good restaurant scene.

Good bathroom scene. Wrong music.

Good lecture scene.

Gas right into the car. Very well done.

Excellent road escape scene.

Fail of plane scene.

Decent house FBI scene.

Fanny pack. Well done.

Fail of infiltration scene. Too stupid.

Fail of sauna scene. Wasted comedy potential.

Empty ballroom. Well done.

Good parachute scene with music.

Decent entrance wedding scene.

Good climax scene with slow motion disaster and music.

Decent ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Impressive.

Kangaroo Jack, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Steve Bing, Scott Rosenberg

Director: David McNally

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A mob boss wants to kill his stepson.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of beach scene.

That superman music isn’t cheap to use in a movie.

Fail of cop scene.

Fail of all mob scenes throughout.

Decent bathroom stewardess scene.

Fail of outback scene.

Why is the kangaroo a character?

Complete fail of all scenes after.

Another stupid-funny movie? Not even worth direct to video/streaming.

Shaggy’s music. What was the music clearance bill? Then again, it doesn’t matter because Hollywood is a bottomless pit of money with Hollywood accounting.

Fail of water kissing scene.

Who wrote this garbage? Complete fail of writing, directing, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $90 million proves that God does NOT exist.

A Man Apart, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Christian Gudegast, Paul Scheuring

Director: F. Gary Gray

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A drug lord wants to kill cops and traffic cocaine.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of cop take down scene.

Mexican/Latin American drug lords are like Muslim terrorists. They'll exist until the end of time and can never be stopped.

Fail of prison scenes throughout.

They didn't expect blowback? What nonsense.

Fail of dance scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of cinematography. Everything is too dark, even the daytime scenes. But that's on the director.

Fail of writing and directing.

Fail of house attack scene.

Fail of all scenes after.

Fail of all drug bust scene.

Fail of beating up guy scene.

Fail of car blow up scene.

Fail of strip club scene.

A mini gun in a bar. Really?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Basic, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: James Vanderbilt

Director: John McTiernan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Someone wants to kill people at a military base.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Excellent Tom Hardy character.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Samuel L. Jackson.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good jungle op scenes throughout.

Good interrogation scenes throughout.

Excellent past scenes throughout.

Excellent training scenes throughout.

Excellent build up of characters.

Excellent climax scene. Excellent twist.

Good ending.

Excellent writing, directing, acting.

One of the best movies of all time.

This movie should have made more money. The fact that it didn't proves that God does NOT exist.

Alex and Emma, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Jeremy Leven

Director: Rob Reiner

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Cuban mafia wants to kill a writer/gambler.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Kate Hudson.

Comments:

Good intro.

Wrong chair for the door. Jokes.

Up and down ladder. Jokes.

Rob Reiner. Oh dear.

Interesting solution.

Dragging him in. Jokes.

Good stair scene.

Good scenes overall, even though most are the same.

Fail of all book visualization scenes. Doesn't work, but I like the initial comedy potential. Should be redone with a better writer.

Kate Hudson's beauty really adds to the movie.

Excellent crying scene. Very well done.

Good climax scene.

Good office ending.

Shouldn't have cost $30 million to make.

Cradle 2 the Grave, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: John O'Brien, Channing Gibson

Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Dialogue: Fail

Garbage dialogue.

Plot: Thieves want to steal diamonds.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Mark Damascus’ acting.

Fail of DMX's acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of robbery/escape scene.

Jumping down on buildings. Really? Too unbelievable.

Good fight scenes throughout, but not enough to pass.

These people clearly have all the time in the world, but they're not smart enough to check above the train. Really?

Michelle Hu from Martial Law? Wow. Nice to see you again.

Fail of home scenes throughout.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of all bad guy scenes throughout.

Luxury jailhouse. Really?

Fail of all jail scenes throughout.

Fail of henchman conflict scene.

Fail of strip scene.

Fail of cage fight scene.

Fail of escape scene.

Fail of weapon presentation scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Down With Love, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Eve Ahlert, Dennis Drake

Director: Peyton Reed

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A woman wants to change womens' perception of love.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of acting all around.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent elevator scene.

Fail of all board scenes throughout.

Decent apartment scenes.

Niles from Frasier (David Hyde Pierce). Wow. What a blast from the past.

Jeri Ryan from Star Trek: Voyager. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Powerfully stupid fantasy movie.

Respect and resent you. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Did Hollywood really expect this movie to make money?

Complete fail of all writing, directing, acting, dialogue.

Grind, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Ralph Sall

Director: Casey La Scala

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A group of guys want to be professional skateboarders.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Fail of almost all scenes. Oh dear god.

Ah…White people and their crazy skateboarding. The unlived life.

Groupies for skateboarding? I had no idea.

Wow, I can't believe he asked permission to make out. F*ck me. And this is a 2003 movie. Wow, I didn’t see that permission coming. The MeToo movement would be so proud.

I can't find a good scene in this movie. Complete fail of writing.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Dumb and Dumber: When Harry Met Lloyd, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Troy Miller, Robert Brener

Director: Troy Miller

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A principal wants to rip off the education system.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent running from dog scene.

Two idiots. A pack of peas in a pod. Sigh.

Fail of all high school scenes throughout.

Carpet matches the drapes. Jokes.

Fail of all principal scenes throughout.

Shia LaBeouf, oh my god. Well done.

Fail of convenience store scene.

Bob Saget. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Fail of visualization scene.

He's abducting her? What?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

S.W.A.T., 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: David Ayer, David McKenna

Director: Clark Johnson

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Police brass wants to change a SWAT team.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of Alexander Montel character.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

The police didn't expect people to break him out. Really?

Fail of friendship scenes throughout.

Fail of music content.

Story has no continuity of plot. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Hollywood Homicide, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Robert Souza, Ron Shelton

Director: Ron Shelton

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: Someone wants to kill rappers.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Josh Harnett’s acting.

Good acting by Isaiah Washington.

Excellent acting by Lena Olin as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Killing rappers. Really?

This is how Hollywood showcased the Black community in the early 2000s. But Black people in Hollywood back then were so desperate for any recognition that they allowed and embraced it. Both parties at fault.

Real estate. Yes, If someone told me not to go to university and invest in real estate I would have been a millionaire and financially secure for life decades ago. The life not lived.

Fail of music content.

Excellent prostitute car scene.

Fail of all scenes after.

Fail of station parking lot scene.

A yoga instructor sleeping with his students? What is this, Bikram Choudry's Hot Yoga scandal?

'Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator' sexual assault

'He got away with it': how the founder of Bikram yoga built an empire on abuse

In the MeToo era, such things would be frowned upon. But at least both are getting laid on a regular basis. That counts for something.

Fail of busting black guy scene.

Fail of interrogation scene. This is what happens when the writer doesn't know comedy well.

Decent climax scene.

An angry Harrison Ford can play well, but not in this movie.

Fail of stage ending.

Powerfully stupid movie.

How did this garbage movie get a wide release? Star power. Thankfully, it was an Epic Commercial Failure.

Once Upon a Time in Mexico, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Robert Rodriguez

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A cartel wants political power.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of bar fight scene.

Rare to see Johnny Depp and Antonio Banderas in a film together.

Oh dear god, the guy from the Machete movies (Danny Trejo). Sigh.

Powerfully stupid movie.

Fail of all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Wow, so many A-listers in this garbage movie. Hollywood is definitely creating content just for the sake of the industry.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1 .00. The fact that it made almost $100 million proves that God does NOT exist.

The Medallion, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Gordon Chan, Alfred Cheung, Bennett Davlin, Paul Wheeler, Bey Logan

Director: Gordon Chan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A smuggler wants supernatural powers.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Are Hollywood writers even trying anymore?

Good fighting scenes throughout as usual, but not enough to pass a garbage movie.

Fail of all office scenes throughout.

Christy Chung (wife) is super beautiful. Wow.

Fail of house scene.

Only the morgue scene was good.

A White woman can't cook? Well done for the stereotypes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

5 writers. Holy f*ck. Way too many cooks in the kitchen.

Open Range, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Craig Storper

Director: Kevin Costner

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Town bandits want to get rid of cattlemen.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes. Boring and flat.

Another period piece bites the dust with garbage dialogue.

No real plot. Fail of writing.

The two horses are so loving and cute.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

What's up with Kevin Costner and westerns?

Tears of the Sun, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Alex Lasker, Patrick Cirillo

Director: Antoine Fuqua

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: US govt wants to evacuate US citizens in Nigeria.

Story: Ethics, Survival

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Bruce Willis. One of his best performances.

Comments:

Good intro.

Decent military ship scene.

Excellent infiltration scenes throughout.

Yes, God has definitely left Africa, along with Aboriginals in Canada and Blacks in America.

Excellent facial expression shots throughout. Kudos to cinematographer and director.

Good music content.

Excellent jungle escape scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Using expressions instead of dialogue to convey feelings is excelling directing.

Excellent writing and directing. Excellent movie. Should have made more money. But no one really cares about Africa in 2003.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Rundown, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: R.J. Stewart, James Vanderbilt

Director: Peter Berg

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A mining boss wants to control indigenous communities.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of bar fight scene.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Mineral resource slave labor. Really? What is this…China?

Midget running out the door. Jokes.

Good fight scenes throughout.

Excellent jungle fight scene, but not enough to pass.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

This movie shouldn't have cost $85 million to make. The high cost of star power.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Dean Georgaris

Director: Jan de Bont

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of garbage dialogue of course.

"You can break my wrist, but I'm still going to kiss you." Excellent line, fail of delivery.

Plot: A scientist wants to create a bioweapon.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Fail of Gerard Butler's acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Found an ancient temple in 9 minutes from the start without breaking a sweat. Oh dear.

Terrible music content throughout. Oh dear god.

Jolie vs. a shark. The smart money is on Jolie. Nuff said.

Fail of washed up beach scene.

Fail of...fill in the blank. Christ.

Fail of plane scene.

I've done commercials in a simulated plane that looks better than this sh*t.

Fail of training scene.

Riding through the forests shooting things. Of course.

Fail of intelligence house scene.

Fail of jail scene.

Fail of writing and directing.

Nice hyper fast pod things.

Can the two idiots at home just die or move into a gay plot or something.

Fail of all cinematography.

Greek mythology way. What a joke.

Fail of lab/office scene.

Fail of phone conversation scene.

Fail of outdoor mountain scene.

The stone caverns looked beautiful. Should have stayed on them a bit longer.

Garbage music content.

Fail of temple fight scene.

Shooting up scene could have been nice with a better cinematographer.

All that fire power and they can't handle a woman on a slow moving dragon. Sigh.

Fail of street helicopter scene. Christ, this is terrible. Even the sound effects fail.

Fail of mall scene.

Sky diving. Who do these people think they are…James Bond? And the shot was garbage. A camera drone would have worked, but it's a 2003 movie.

Good orb scene and TV setup with Chinese family.

Fail of retaking forest scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Terrible falling down effect.

Terrible cradle of life scene. Fail of art department.

Decent ending.

The Hunted, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: David Griffiths, Peter Griffiths, Art Monterastelli

Director: William Friedkin

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A black ops soldier wants to kill hunters.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Excellent Aaron Hallam character.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Benicio del Toro's acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good hunting scenes throughout.

Excellent hand-to-hand fighting scene shots. Good close up shots.

Excellent investigative scene throughout.

I like that the writer didn't waste time in finding the hunter.

Would have been excellent if the writer developed the Aaron character more than LT.

Good escape scene.

Fail of music effects and content.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Should have made more money, but I understand why it didn’t.

Passed with 3 writers. Impressive.

The Missing, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Ken Kaufman

Director: Ron Howard

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue. Too flat and dead.

Plot: Someone wants to raid ranches.

Story: Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Fail of all acting.

Good acting by Cate Blanchett.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Tommy Lee Jones as Aboriginal. Oh dear. There's your Hollywood Whitewashing.

Good family scene.

Ah…period pieces. No money made but Hollywood keeps cranking them out.

Excellent shot of rubbing knuckles.

Fail of outside fight scene.

Flat movie. Fail of writing.

Good forest scene.

Fail of most scenes.

Good cave scene.

Taking pictures of the pretty ones. That would be child porn today.

Ah…the prophecy of medicine men. Lovely.

Sand in the mouth. That's one way to torture someone.

Fail of gun scene.

Fail of night scene.

Fail of attack scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Biker Boyz, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Craig Fernandez, Reggie Rock Bythewood

Director: Reggie Rock Bythewood

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A biker wants to deal with the death of his father.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Rick Gonzalez.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Terrible music content. Great soul music but doesn't fit the scene.

Black people getting off their motorcycles in sync. Oh dear.

Fail of council meeting scene.

Fail of cinematography.

Fail of vision/focus scene.

Fail of all writing and directing.

Terrible confrontation scene in the layer/club.

The main character should only be immature for so long. Fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Charlie Kaufman

Director: George Clooney

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

"We can't have Black men getting blowjobs on national television." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of George Clooney’s acting.

Fail of Sam Rockwell’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

A movie about a horny White guy who can't get laid. Is Hollywood even trying anymore?

Is this supposed to be James Bond meets American Pie? If it is, it's not working.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Stupid movie. But the CIA and Hollywood connection should be well known in 2018.

Should have been direct to video/streaming.

Mona Lisa Smile, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Lawrence Konner, Mark Rosenthal

Director: Mike Newell

Dialogue: Pass

"Old soldiers never die. They just become philandering Italian professors." Good line and delivery.

Plot: Students want to give their art professor a hard time.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Julia Roberts.

Comments:

Good intro.

Good teaching scenes throughout.

Good girls talk scenes throughout.

Always sad to see women conditioning women the way men want them to be conditioned.

Excellent writing...wanting to change the world...art movie vs. commercial movie.

Always nice to see Big Tobacco empowering women through smoking. A necessary feature in this movie.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

I believe this is Julia Roberts best movie.

Good movie for a philosopher like me who questions ideologies and perception. But I can understand why it failed commercially. But the production budget shouldn't have cost $72 million. Sony Pictures Releasing has money to burn.

Head of State, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Chris Rock, Ali LeRoi

Director: Chris Rock

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

"What's up with the two jobs? Bad credit?" Excellent line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A political party wants to win a future election.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Complete fail of all acting, except for Bernie Mac.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of narration.

Powerfully stupid movie. Complete fail of writing.

I love Chris Rock's comedy, but that doesn't mean that I’ll be gentle in my reviews.

Complete fail of writing, dialogue, directing, acting, music content.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

Matchstick Men, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ted Griffin, Nicholas Griffin

Director: Ridley Scott

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two guys want to con people.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Good characters overall.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Alison Lohman.

Good acting by Nicholas Cage.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent con scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of grocery store scene.

OCD con man. Even I wouldn't have thought of that idea.

Good psychiatrist scene.

Fail of car slowdown and speed up scene.

Odd that he didn't really question it too much, but we'll let it slide.

Decent to good con scenes throughout.

A giant Ben & Jerry’s tub of ice cream. I've never seen the giant version. I always thought it was small ones. You learn something new every day.

Decent restaurant scene.

Fail of house scene.

Good bathroom scene.

Good Laundromat scene.

Decent bowling scene.

Good airport scene and parking lot scene.

Good car scene.

Decent drug store scene.

Fail of psychiatrist scene.

Good house scene.

Good climax twist scene.

Good ending.

This movie should have made more money. But it shouldn't have cost over $60 million to make. $10 million max.

Boat Trip, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Mort Nathan, William Bigelow

Director: Mort Nathan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Two single men want a better life.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Roger Moore.

Comments:

Good intro.

Plunging a woman's butt while she gets a massage. Jokes.

Giant d*ck water fountains. Jokes.

Powerfully stupid movie but enough comedy to pass it.

No trouser snakes near their hot luscious bodies? Jokes.

Good climax dance scene.

Good ending.

Confidence, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Doug Jung

Director: James Foley

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: Con artists want to con people.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Fail

Complete fail of all acting.

Fail of Edward Burns, Rachel Weisz, Andy Garcia’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting, cinematography, music content.

For the love of god, stop talking to the camera and explaining everything.

People of the con meet outside in public. Really?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

How did this movie get a wide release? Star power.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $25 million proves that God DOES exist.

Malibu's Most Wanted, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Fax Bahr, Adam Small, Jamie Kennedy, Nick Swardson

Director: John Whitesell

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Plot: A governor wants to get elected.

Story: Ambition, Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Powerfully stupid movie. Fail of writing.

If I wanted to see rich White people act Black, I'd watch Justin Bieber.

OPP by Naughty By Nature? Wow. That's a flashback, even for me. And I was born in ’82.

How did this movie get a wide release?

East Indian trying to be Black. Oh dear god. West Indian actors (Guyanese/Trinidadians) would have a better chance since most (including myself) are mixed.

Good intimidating scene with the girls and puppies.

And we have a talking rat. Sigh.

Fail of ahhh scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Should have been direct to video/streaming.

Radio, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Mike Rich

Director: Mike Tollin

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A White town wants to get rid of a Black man with developmental disabilities.

Story: Family, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting from Ed Harris. One of his best performances.

Good acting from Cuba Gooding Jr.

Comments:

Good intro.

Excellent field scenes throughout.

Excellent coach/radio talk scenes throughout.

Good football game scenes.

Excellent barbershop scenes throughout.

Good parents talking scene.

Excellent principal/coach scenes throughout.

Excellent diner scene.

Excellent radio school scene.

Excellent radio family scenes throughout.

Excellent cop radio scene. Very well done.

Excellent player/coach scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Powerful movie.

Good real life ending scene.

Strong characters and Ed Harris' acting really pushed it. This movie should have made more money, the fact that it didn't proves that God does NOT exist.

Not one of the best movies of all time, but I strongly recommend watching it.

Runaway Jury, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Brian Koppelman, David Levien, Rick Cleveland, Matthew Chapman

Director: Gary Fleder

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A disgruntled employee wants to kill his employer/other employees.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Gene Hackman.

Excellent acting by Dustin Hoffman.

Comments:

Good intro.

Madden. Jokes.

Fail of music content.

Writing is a bit weak but characters are strong.

Powerfully stupid to sue the gun manufacturers. Guns don't and never will kill people. Only people or automated computer programs kill people.

Good manipulation of court scenes throughout.

Rule of law vs. emotional pain. No one wins. But still a good movie.

Excellent bathroom scene.

Decent climax scene.

Decent ending.

Passed with 4 writers. Impressive.

This movie shouldn't have cost $60 million to make.

In the Cut, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Jane Campion, Susanna Moore

Director: Jane Campion

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Someone wants to kill women.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Mark Ruffalo’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of every scene. Holy Christ this movie is garbage. Complete fail of writing.

I highly doubt Mark Ruffalo could get away with those actions in the MeToo era.

How did this movie get a wide release? Star power.

This should be part of Red Shoe Diaries series (softcore porn).

Fail of visual imagination scenes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

View From the Top, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Eric Wald

Director: Bruno Barreto

Dialogue: Fail

"He'll be fine. I'll poke him with a stick and he'll get at it. If not, I'll give him his blankey and take matters into my own hands." Excellent line and delivery.

Plot: A guy wants to break up with his girlfriend.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Fail of Mike Myers character.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Ah…White trailer trash. Jokes.

Fail of locker scene.

From White trash to that. Well done.

Fail of garbage bar scene.

Fail of bathroom scene.

Fail of plane scene.

The guy who plays Hulk (Mark Ruffalo). And you’re screwing White trash women. Well done sir.

Hey, the girl from Married with Children (Christina Applegate). I didn't think people could go lower than Married with Children. But I was wrong.

Stewardess sluts? Yup, sounds about right.

Why is Mike Myers in this movie?

Fail of training scenes throughout.

"Tell him she's great before he asks." Jokes.

Excellent fight scene.

Decent climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Anything Else, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Woody Allen

Director: Woody Allen

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of dialogue throughout. This is some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard.

"Idiots who are total losers in New York go to LA and become millionaires." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: People don't want to give comedy writers a chance.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Woody Allen’s acting.

Fail of Nicole Ricci’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro scene.

Stop talking to the camera throughout.

Stop describing the movie and just let it play out. Doc style approach doesn't work.

Way too much garbage dialogue from Woody Allen.

Nicole Ricci. Wow. Great to see you, but fail in acting.

This movie should have gotten a limited theater release under 700. It only got a wide release because of Woody Allen.

Helping me to shift the piano. That scene could have worked with a real comedy writer.

Fail of writing, acting, characters, dialogue.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $15 million proves that God DOES exist.

Cold Creek Manor, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure.

Writer: Richard Jefferies

Director: Mike Figgis

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A family wants a better life.

Story: Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of everything.

Fail of writing, acting, dialogue, music.

Wow, Kristen Stewart before the vampire movies.

Yes, it's always nice for a family to go into an abandoned spooky house. Sigh.

Fail of terrible music content.

You would think the owners would do a bit more research on their dream house.

Fail of most scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Looney Tunes: Back in Action, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Larry Doyle

Director: Joe Dante

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: A studio wants to get rid of a cartoon character.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Steve Martin’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Timothy Dalton as a great actor. What incredible imagination Hollywood has. Warner Bros. hubris in action. You should have let Netflix buy you out instead of Time-Warner. That way You could have really competed against Disney/Marvel. That would have been a real civil war.

No visible minority actors. Yup, sounds about right for Warner Bros.

They even went to Africa without seeing one Black supporting actor/actress or even an extra. Yup, sounds about right for Warner Bros.

Heather Locklear. Wow. What a blast from the past.

A lot of green-screening.

There should be a limit on stupidity...but in Hollywood, everything goes.

CIA in Hollywood. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Deliver Us From Eva, 2003: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Potential Profit).

Writer: James Iver Mattson, B. E. Brauner, Gary Hardwick

Director: Gary Hardwick

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue from LL Cool J. Stick to music.

Plot: A woman wants to dominate men.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Gabrielle Union as usual.

Excellent acting by Kym Whitley. Very well done.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of church scene.

Fail of living room scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Good room sex scene.

Decent kitchen scene.

Decent bar scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of hairdresser scene.

I almost expected an Italian guy to come in and say, “this chick just needs to get banged really hard.”

Fail of kitchen scene.

Fail of office scene.

Good hairdresser scene. Their entire lives revolve around men. Yup, sounds about right.

Fail of room scene.

Black women and marriage? The drama is too much baggage.

Indian women and marriage. The cultural baggage is just too much for me, thank you very much.

Fail of room scene.

Fail of church scene.

Good hairdresser scene.

Good backyard scene.

Good restaurant scene.

Decent dating scenes throughout.

As soon as she said "drop it," most men would have checked out.

Fail of bar scene.

Good ballroom scene.

Good hairdresser scene.

Telling your man to take sex lessons from another man. Yikes. Men can't handle that line directly. Try and re-word it.

Fail of group talk scene.

Good hairdresser scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Uptown Girls, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Julia Dahl, Mo Ogrodnik, Lisa Davidowitz, Allison Jacobs

Director: Boaz Yakin

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to scam a woman.

Story: Character, Relationships, Family

Characters: Fail

Some of the worst characters of all time.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Dakota Fanning’s acting. Disappointing.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

This movie gives new meaning to the word “dumb blonde.”

Hey, the Black guy from Scrubs (Donald Faison). Nice to see you. A solid C-list actor.

The problems of nice rich girls. Yawn.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail cinematography, writing, directing, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

How did this terrible movie get a wide release?

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

A Mighty Wind, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy

Director: Christopher Guest

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: People want to pay tribute to a great musician.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Folk music? Nuff said.

Boring movie. Fail of writing and directing.

How did this movie get a wide release? Star power.

Sad attempt at comedy.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

Beyond Borders, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Caspian Tredwell-Owen

Director: Martin Campbell

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue.

"Freedom is an expensive commodity." Good line, excellent delivery

"You're wearing perfume in the middle of the fuckin’ desert." Excellent line and delivery.

"It's the weirdest purest thing, suffering." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Rich non-profits want to cut funding to programs in developing nations.

Story: Purpose, Ethics, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting.

Comments:

Good piano/dance intro.

Excellent close up cinematography from the start. A good sign.

Celebrating rich White people saving the developing world. Well done to show that it’s a joke.

Excellent interruption scene.

Intelligence agencies and developing nations. Well done.

Good music content throughout.

No rain. Use desalinated water. Too much corruption? It's up to the people to take control of their own country, as harsh and fatal as that sounds.

Good truck stop scene.

A White woman's greater compassion for starving babies. That actually makes sense. Many people in Africa checked their compassion at the door out of necessity in order to keep their sanity.

African warlord keeping Africa in poverty. Yup, sounds about right.

Powerful images.

Good campfire talk scene.

The talk after should have been done in daytime for more dramatic effect.

Excellent tent talk scene.

A pathetic African politician. Yup, sounds about right.

Good politics talk scene.

Excellent second tent talk scene.

Excellent well shot.

Christ this movie is long.

General fail of London scenes. Doesn't make sense.

A privileged White man without a job. Cry me a river.

Good Cambodia scenes throughout.

Excellent truck talk scene.

Good boat scene.

Good border crossing scene.

The lesser of two evils to create positive change. Well done.

Excellent Cambodia scene. Powerful scene. Could have been better, but it's a 2003 movie.

Bed scene/relationship not needed, but I'm sure they thought it was necessary to sell the movie.

General fail of all London scenes.

Fail of UN speech scene.

Piano scene would have made sense if he played the piano with her earlier.

Fail of children scenes. Yes, we all value life, get on with it.

Excellent Chechnya intro scene. Good dose of reality.

Ah…the things we do for love.

Decent scenes after, but solutions could have been written very differently.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending. That's how you end a movie.

Solid writing, if not a bit too long. Must have been a passion project.

This movie should have made more money. But I understand why it didn't. Apathy is a plague worse than any disease.

Narc, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Joe Carnahan

Director: Joe Carnahan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Drug dealers want to deal drugs.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

I hate that shaky camera amateur sh*t.

Decent interview scene.

Decent family home scenes throughout.

Fail of flashback scenes throughout. Shame. It had potential to be a great movie.

Fail of coffee diner talk scene.

Fail to decent investigative scenes throughout.

A dry movie. Not flat but dry. It works and it doesn't work.

Decent precinct scenes throughout.

The split scenes throughout the movie doesn't work.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

This movie should be redone today.

Underworld, 2003 (Extended Cut): PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Danny McBride

Director: Len Wiseman

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Werewolves want to capture a human.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Kate Beckinsale. It's like she was born for this role.

Excellent acting by Michael Sheen.

Fail of Shane Brolly's acting.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Good underground scene.

Good vampire clan scenes throughout. Like European rich families.

Excellent cinematography throughout.

Excellent slow motion scenes throughout.

Excellent apartment scene.

Good limo scene.

Good narration throughout.

Decent writing, but the acting really passed this movie.

Fail of awakened elder scenes throughout.

Decent train scene.

Good music content throughout.

Good realization scene.

Excellent directing.

Decent flashback scenes throughout.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

$22 million production budget. Well done.

Freddy vs. Jason, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Damian Shannon, Mark Swift

Director: Ronny Yu

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A killer wants to be remembered.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro. Could do without the narration.

Ah…slutty White women alone in the dark water. Almost as if they begging to be killed in horror movies.

Fail of mother scene.

Women who don't mind being treated like dirt. Yup, sounds about right.

Fail of special effects.

Oh my god, is that conspiracy theorist Alex Jones? Nope. My bad, it’s Brent Chapman. But the resemblance is striking. Must be from the secret Illuminati cloning program.

White people drugging their children without their permission. Yup, sounds about right.

Fail of school scene.

A flaming Jason. Jokes.

Fail of bathrooms scene.

Fail of investigation scenes throughout.

Good hospital dream scene.

Fail of battle scene.

Good Jason backstory scene. But not enough to pass.

Fail of van scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Scott Kosar

Director: Marcus Nispel

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants to kill people.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of car scene.

Ah…so many boys have had wet dreams of Jessica Biel from 7th Heaven back in the day.

Fail of sheriff scenes throughout.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing.

Good woman house scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

I'm sure that slasher fans will love this movie. But as a writer, I can't pass garbage writing. This is one of the reasons I initially didn't want to review horror movies. Weak/garbage writing.

Dreamcatcher, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: William Goldman, Lawrence Kasdan

Director: Lawrence Kasdan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Something wants to kill people.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of store scene.

Fail of traffic scene.

Fail of jump in time.

Fail of cabin scenes throughout.

Fail of flashback scenes throughout.

Good truck scene.

Fail of animal scene. What the f*ck is that supposed to be?

Fail of bad guys scene.

Fail of military scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Powerfully stupid movie. How did this get a wide release?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $75 million at the box office proves that God does NOT exist.

28 Days Later, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Alex Garland

Director: Danny Boyle

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Zombies want to kill people.

Story: Survival, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Brendan Gleeson as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Infected with rage. Oh dear.

Fail of walking scene.

Good bedroom scene.

Fail of house invasion scene.

Just running from zombies. Boring.

Fail of cinematography throughout.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing.

Excellent crow infection scene. Best scene of the movie.

Crow infection scene 28 days later 2003

Fail of forest scene.

Fail of military scenes throughout.

Decent climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

I hate reviewing zombie or slasher movies because I usually fail them.

House of 1000 Corpses, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Rob Zombie

Director: Rob Zombie

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A family wants to kill people.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

How did this movie get a wide release?

Fail of flashback scenes throughout.

Complete failure of writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $17 million proves that God DOES exist.

House of the Dead, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Mark A. Altman, Dave Parker

Director: Uwe Boll

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Something wants to kill people.

Story: Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Good narrated intro.

Fail of dock scene.

Fail of beach scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete failure of writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

How did this movie get a wide release? This is one of the reasons why I don't normally watch/review crappy horror/slasher movies.

Fail of music content.

Fail of all forest scenes throughout.

Mutated. Like The Island of Dr. Moreau?

Fail of flashback scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $14 million proves that God DOES exist.

Le Divorce, 2003: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Commercial Failure)

Writer: Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, James Ivory

Director: James Ivory

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to leave his wife.

Story: Relationships, Family

Characters: Fail

Terrible characters.

Acting: Fail

Good acting by Thomas Lennon.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of dinner scene.

Fail of diner scene.

Ah…the life of mid to high income White people. Cry me a river.

French women are extraordinary? Let's not go nuts.

Hey, the guy from Heartbreaker/ L'Arnacœur (Romain Duris). Nice to see you again.

Fail of most scenes. Boring. Fail of writing.

Too much smiling gets a girl in trouble. Oh dear.

Fail of bookstore scene.

Ah…the French and their painting.

Fail of park scene.

Good tip restaurant scene.

Smoking on a train in front of child. Wow. So progressive.

Fail of climax scene. Just terrible.

Decent ending.

The Life of David Gale, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Charles Randolph

Director: Alan Parker

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Govt wants to execute an alleged murderer.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

The male intern character is good.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Kate Winslet's acting. Not the right actress for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of car scene.

Fail of diner scene.

Good prison entrance scene.

Boring interview scenes throughout.

Good lecture scenes throughout.

Fail of party scene.

Ah…university professors screwing their students. Feminists in the past would call it empowering. Feminists today under the MeToo movement would see the students as victims.

Good TV show scene.

Fail of journalist investigative scenes throughout.

Fail of street drunk scene.

Fail of spiral downward scenes throughout.

Fail of motel scenes throughout.

Fail of experiment scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

It Runs in the Family, 2003: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Epic Commercial Failure)

Writer: Jesse Wigutow

Director: Fred Schepisi

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Various people want a better life.

Story: Ambition, Family, Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Hey, Rory Culkin, the brother of Macaulay Culkin.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of college scene.

Mismatch of weak family problems scenes.

Fail of old folks home scene.

Boring scenes throughout.

Fail of bully scene.

Fail of street scene.

Ah…screwing the young woman. Michael Douglas you old dog. I'm surprised the MeToo movement has nothing on you. Oh wait, they do.

Michael Douglas was 'extremely disappointed' by #MeToo allegations against him

Fail of sex scene.

Oh...but the young women are a victim because he was a man in power. Cry me a river.

The writer bit off more than he could chew.

Fail of home dinner scene.

Decent brother talk scene.

Fail of cab scene.

The girl comes to her senses. Oh dear.

Boring old people scenes throughout.

Fail of writing, cinematography, directing.

Fail of both restaurant scenes.

Fail of club scene.

Boring office scene.

Fail of realization scene.

Fail of death scene.

Fail of funeral scene.

Fail of fishing scene.

Fail of wife husband talk scene.

Good brother talk scene.

Fail of father son talk scenes throughout.

Good girlfriend basketball scene.

Good apartment scene.

Fail of bully scene. Too unbelievable.

Fail of ally scene.

Good cop scene.

Fail of police precinct scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Dark Blue, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: David Ayer, James Ellroy

Director: Ron Shelton

Dialogue: Pass

"You think this bullet gives a sh*t of how tough you are?" Good line and delivery.

Plot: Thieves want to rob a convenience store.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Character.

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting from Kurt Russell as usual.

Excellent acting by Brendan Gleeson as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of motel room scene.

Fail of theft scene.

Good hearing scene.

Good group talk scene.

Good home scene.

Good sex scene.

Good night cop scene.

Good police precinct scenes throughout.

Fail of car scene.

Fail of chief scene.

Good elevator scene.

Good convenience store scene.

Fail of car black thug scene. Doesn't make sense he'd cooperate that easy.

Good strip club scene.

Fail of alley scene.

Fail of records scene.

Good lunch scene.

Ah…the giant cell phone in 2002/2003.

Good office talk scene.

Fail of tone of movie.

Fail of chief plot. Didn't work.

Good reporter scene.

Good court scene.

Good restaurant scene.

Good operation scenes.

Good alley scene.

Good wife argument scene.

Decent climax scene.

Character transformation is a bit too unbelievable, but...

Good ending.

Passable with decent characters and good acting.

Good Boy, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Zeke Richardson, John Hoffman

Director: John Hoffman

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: An alien dog wants to report on Earth dogs.

Story: Relationships, Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of most voice acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of living room scene.

Fail of dog walking scene.

Barking at a statue. Jokes.

Fail of initial dog scene.

Fail of vet scene.

Fail of park scene.

Fail of forest scene.

Fail of bedroom scene.

So nervous that she forgets what she was going to say. Jokes.

Fail of dog meeting scene.

Fail of garage scene.

Fail of most scenes.

Fail of most house scenes throughout.

Good dog pool scene.

Good chase scene. Stops at a red light. Jokes.

Fail of royal dog scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Willard, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Glen Morgan

Director: Glen Morgan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Mice want to live in an old house.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of store scene.

Fail of mother scenes.

Fail of tone of movie.

Fail of work scenes throughout.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of cinematography.

Yes, we understand his odd character. Get on with it.

Animals who don't judge. Yah yah.

Fail of mouse garage scene.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing and directing.

Fail of funeral scene.

Weird cat scene.

Good woman resignation scene.

Decent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Love Don't Cost a Thing, 2003: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Commercial Failure)

Writer: Michael Swerdlick, Troy Beyer

Director: Troy Beyer

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A guy wants to be with a girl.

Story: Relationships, Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of party pool cleaning scene.

Kal Penn. Nice to see you again.

Fail of approach scene.

Steve Harvey? Oh dear.

Fail of dinner scene.

Fail of accident scene.

Oh…fix my car and I'll do you right. Sigh.

Dumb solution.

Fail of most scenes. Complete fail of writing.

How did this movie get a wide release? Should have been direct to video/streaming.

Fail of father son scenes throughout.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Fail of basketball game scene.

Fail of date scenes throughout.

Fail of dance car scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Marci X, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Paul Rudnick

Director: Richard Benjamin

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Protestors want to boycott a company.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Hey, the guy from Murphy Brown (Charles Kimbrough).

Fail of TV woman scene.

Fail of doctor scene.

Fail of friends scene.

Fail of rapper scene.

Fail of stage scene.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Good jail scene.

Fail of shoot scene.

Fail of speech scene.

Fail of gala scene.

Fail of dance scene.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of jail scene.

Fail of first committee scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Adaptation, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Charlie Kaufman

Director: Spike Jonze

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Twins wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Nicholas Cage's acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Good acting by Meryl Streep as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of earth scenes throughout.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of police scene.

Fail of home scene.

Fail of date scene.

Delusions of grandeur. Jokes.

Good narration from Meryl Streep throughout.

Fail of flower shop scene.

Fail of van interview scenes throughout.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing, acting, cinematography.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of office talk scene.

Fail of forest scenes.

Fail of lecture scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Wrong Turn, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Alan B. McElroy

Director: Rob Schmidt

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Someone wants to kill people.

Story: Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Emmanuelle Chriqui's acting.

Fail of Desmond Harrington's acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good car scene.

Fail of convenience store scene.

Eliza Dushku. Nice to see you again.

Decent forest scene.

Good shack scene.

Good blood scene.

This movie could have worked if the hunters were not like that.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of log cabin scene.

Fail of girl tree death scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

The School of Rock, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Mike White

Director: Richard Linklater

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A friend's girlfriend wants a guy to pay rent.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent girl talk scene.

Decent band friends scene.

Good solution. Looks like it has potential.

Fail of initial class scene.

Satanic sex god. Jokes.

Fail of most class scenes.

30 minutes in and I'm still waiting for the comedy.

Fail of cafeteria scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of parents class scene.

Fail of class scenes.

Decent climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

Seabiscuit, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Gary Ross

Director: Gary Ross

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: People want to drive automobiles instead of horses.

Story: Ambition, Family, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by William H. Macy.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good horse running scene.

Fail of narration throughout.

Good dinner table scene.

Always nice to see White people innovating the world. And people wonder why White supremacy exists.

Betting on horses. Oh dear. But then again, when things are bad, entertainment becomes the only way of staying sane. The day that the entertainment industry collapses is the beginning of the end on the current society.

Good leaving son scene.

Beating the other jockey with the whip. Jokes.

Decent drive scene.

Good boxing scene.

Good contrast in how their lives changed.

Good riding talk scene.

Did you know that horses are cloned with genetic manipulation? See for yourself.

Six cloned horses helped win polo match

How Champion-Pony Clones Have Transformed the Game of Polo

Cloned horses racetrack betting

Good saving horse scene.

Decent campfire talk scene.

The narration is getting annoying.

Good initial riding wild horse scene. Just needed a companion.

Christ this movie is long.

Good announcer scenes throughout.

Good horse race scenes throughout.

Good press conference scene.

Good horse training scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Cabin Fever, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Eli Roth, Randy Pearlstein

Director: Eli Roth

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Something wants to infect animals.

Story: Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of bench scene.

Fail of convenience store scene.

Rifle for n*ggers. Wow. I didn't see that coming.

Watching through the windows. Nice.

Good sound effects throughout.

Decent sex scene.

Fail of forest meeting scene.

Excellent campfire story scene.

Fail of new guy scene.

Decent contagious guy scene.

Kids who can't stomach killing to survive. Rookies. Brave girl.

Fail of police guy scene.

Good night sex scene.

Complete fail of writing.

Fail of sex scene.

Fail of weird boy scene.

Decent directing.

Please don't look directly into the camera.

Fail of truck road scene.

Fail of bathroom scene.

Fail of hillbilly idiot cabin scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of new group scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

How did this movie get a wide release? Should have been direct to video/streaming.

$1.5 million budget. Kudos.

Gothika, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Sebastian Gutierrez

Director: Mathieu Kassovitz

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A psychiatrist wants to help a patient.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Penelope Cruz. Wow. Fabulous.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Good office scene.

Robert Downey Jr. Should be interesting.

Good night office scene.

Good tone to movie.

Good accident scene.

My…how the tables have turned.

Good cell interview scene.

Good recap scene.

Excellent psych prison scenes throughout.

And the plot thickens.

Excellent shower scene.

Good patient/doctor scenes throughout.

Excellent cinematography.

Good interview scene.

Excellent slow motion flashback scene.

Excellent staring scene. Wow.

Good hallway scene.

Good escape scene.

Excellent house scene.

Excellent barn scene.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

Excellent movie.

Excellent directing, writing, cinematography.

One of the best movies of all time.

How to Deal, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Neena Beber

Director: David Atkins

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Parents want to get divorced.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent kitchen scene.

Fail of video scene.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Decent card scene.

Fail of guidance scene.

Fail of stairs scene.

Fail of soccer scene. Doesn't make sense.

Fail of funeral scene.

Fail of tone of movie.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing and directing.

Fail of wedding scene.

Fail of mother daughter scenes throughout.

Women who are only satisfied when they're with a man? Lesbian feminists and the MeToo movement wouldn’t be too happy about that.

Good grandma smoking scene.

Fail of dinner scene.

Fail of party scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Out of Time, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: David Collard

Director: Carl Franklin

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants to be with another man's wife.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Dean Cain from Lois & Clark? Wow. Nice to see you.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of boat scene.

Decent doctor scene.

Fail of bar scene.

It's like the writer is making it up as they go.

Fail of most scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Easy to see the solution.

Fail of investigative scenes throughout.

Fail of phone scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Just Married, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Sam Harper

Director: Shawn Levy

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A couple wants to break up.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good beach scene.

Ah…slutty people and an ugly dog. Lovely.

Fail of dog scene.

Fail of burial scene.

Fail of family meeting scene.

Hey, the guy from Angel (Christian Kane).

Fail of most family scenes.

9 months of living together. That should be enough.

Boring scenes throughout.

Good airplane scene. The only good comedy moment.

Everything changed after marriage. Take a vacation before getting married.

Fail of vacation scenes throughout.

Fail of club scene.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

Intolerable Cruelty, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

Director: Joel Coen

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants to have an affair.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Billy Bob Thornton.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of house scene.

While men cheat on their spouse with younger women, women cheat on their spouse with younger men.

Ah…scummy fixer lawyers. Burn in hell.

Good lawyer banter scene.

Fail of motel scene.

Good dog scene.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of spa scene.

Fail of office conference scene.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of break in scene.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

Fail of diner scene.

Fail of court scenes throughout.

Oh…the dog is so cute.

Ah…women who love the life of luxury and will do anything to get it/keep it.

Fail of talk scene.

Fail of senior partner talk scene.

Decent new lawyer husband talk scene.

Fail of tennis scene.

Fail of wedding scene.

Fail of writing.

Fail of Vegas scene.

Fail of senior partner scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Garbage movie.

4 writers. Way too many cooks in the kitchen.

My Boss's Daughter, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Dorfman

Director: David Zucker

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants to be with a woman.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Ashton Kutcher's acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of train scene.

Fail of boss talk scene.

House sitting. Sigh.

Are Hollywood writers even trying anymore?

Fail of son scenes throughout.

Shrimp d*ck bastard. Low blow.

Oh…the owl is so cute and loving.

Complete fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of writing and acting.

Is this supposed to be a comedy?

How did this movie get a wide release? Should be direct to video/streaming.

Fail of family scenes throughout.

Fail of breast scene.

Fail of burglar scene.

"Who's going to shoot first?" Oh dear.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Back of the bus. Jokes.

The Order, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Brian Helgeland

Director: Brian Helgeland

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Demons want to kill a priest.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of acting throughout.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of house scene.

An old soul? Get that new age crap outta here. And that's coming from a new age believer.

Fail of church scene.

Hey, the guy from Robocop 1987 (Peter Weller).

Fail of flashback scenes throughout.

Fail of chase scene.

Fail of girlfriend scenes throughout.

Fail of body scene.

Fail of cinematography.

Fail of most scenes. Complete fail of writing and directing.

Typical Illuminati movie.

Fail of cemetery scene.

Fail of underground scene.

Fail of church talk scene.

Fail of visualization scene.

Fail of sex scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1 .00. The fact that it made $11 million proves that God DOES exist.

Jeepers Creepers 2, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Victor Salva

Director: Victor Salva

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A creature wants to kill people.

Story: Ambition, Survival

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent initial bus scene.

Good living room scene.

Good smoking scene.

Good piss scene.

Good cinematography throughout.

Good crop boy scene.

Good crop throw scene.

Good survival scenes throughout.

Good farm scenes throughout.

Good bus scenes throughout.

Fail of head scene.

Decent climax scene.

Good ending.

A surprisingly good movie.

Good writing and directing.

Phone Booth, 2003: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Larry Cohen

Director: Joel Schumacher

Dialogue: Pass

Fail of most dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to kill unethical people.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Kiefer Sutherland.

Good acting by Colin Farrell.

Comments:

Fail of intro break dancing scene.

Fail of voice over narration in intro.

Fail of everything before the main event/call. Barely passable movie.

Kiefer Sutherland's acting, as opposed to the character, really passed this movie.

Talking about the man’s wife. Too cruel.

Good investigative scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ambulance ending.

I'm guessing the $13 million went to blocking off the NYC streets for so long, along with Colin Farrell's pay.