Hollywood Movie Review Series:

*Movies are in no particular order. Please use Crtl F on your keyboard to find a particular movie. Movies that got a wide release in the year after their first screening are listed in the next year. For example, 300 (2006) is listed in 2007 because it only got a wide release in 2007.

*Don't worry about spoilers. You can read the review of any movie without being afraid of spoilers and enjoy the movie if you watch it. I intentionally made sure not to ruin a movie by revealing a hidden plot or hidden climax scene. I simply pass or fail each scene and comment on them.

Star Trek, 2009: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman

Director: J. J. Abrams

Dialogue: Pass

"Wait a minute kid, how old are you?" "17 sir." "Oh good, he's 17." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Romulans want to take revenge on a Vulcan and the Federation.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters all around.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Zachary Quinto.

Excellent acting by Karl Urban.

Excellent acting by Anton Yelchin.

Fail of Eric Bana’s acting. Not the right actor to play the villain.

Excellent acting by Bruce Greenwood.

Comments:

Excellent intro battle.

Too many blurred lights in intro zoom scene. What was the director thinking?

Excellent carjacking scene. Excellent slow motion jump.

Good young Spock scene, but could have been better.

Good academy scenes.

Good bridge enterprise scenes throughout.

But weak bad guy scenes throughout.Weak writing on the plot.

Uh…when they dropped down to the drill shouldn't they have burned up in the atmosphere? Just saying.

Good other planet scenes, but a bit too unbelievable of the coincidence.

Good anger bridge scene.

Good shot of enterprise rising from the clouds.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Excellent music content. This is the composer you want for your blockbuster feature film.

Excellent acting, directing. Good writing but weak plot.

Avatar, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: James Cameron

Director: James Cameron

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A corporation wants to steal resources from an alien planet.

Story: Ethics, Relationships, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent beginning music content.

Weak identical brother plot. There was no other way to introduce Jake? Really?

Would have been better if there was a cover-up of brothers death.

Military veterans treated like garbage in the future. Yup, sounds about right.

Good representation of corporations as arrogant colonizers.

Shouldn't there be some sort of law that prevents stealing the resources from an alien planet?

Sidekick scientist is jealous then gets over it quickly. Really?

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Dumb plot, but good characters and story.

Old Dogs, 2009: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: David Diamond, David Weissman

Director: Walt Becker

Dialogue: Pass

"One glass of water gets my pump going too." Good line and delivery.

Plot: A woman wants her ex-husband to take care of their kids.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Decent flashback scenes throughout.

Good office scenes throughout.

Excellent spa scene. Very well done.

Nice brown face. Jokes.

Excellent bathroom scene.

A bit too much overacting from Travolta but passable.

Fail of baby proofing scene.

Excellent scouts scene with music.

Good golf scene.

Golf ball to the balls. Rough. I took a golf club to my eyebrow when I was a child.

Any lower and I would have been dead.

Fail of board room meeting scene.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie?

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Benioff, Skip Woods

Director: Gavin Hood

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: US govt wants to make super mutant assassins.

Story: Family, Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Fail of gambit character.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Danny Huston’s acting.

Fail of Taylor Kitsch’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of past intro and shots of past.

Fail of plane scene.

He's so fast that he can take down a small army. Oh dear god.

Fail of office scene.

The other guy is so fast with his swords. Faster than bullets. Oh dear. Just shoot the legs.

Fail of music content.

Fail of village killing scene.

They just let him go?

Good lumber scenes.

Decent trailer scene.

Good lumber scene.

Fail of road scene.

Good forest run scene.

Asking a serial killer why. Oh dear.

Decent slow motion fight shots. But fail of fight scene.

Fail of hospital scene.

Good lab scene.

Good flashback scenes during operation.

Fail of rising up from water scene.

Good truck/barn scene.

CGI claws. Sigh.

Shooting old people. That’s not cool. But sounds like military collateral damage.

Decent chase scene.

Fail of young Cyclops scene.

Good boxing scene.

Fail of casino scene.

Fail of alley scene fight.

Fail of military talk scene.

Fail of girlfriend realization scene.

Fail of pre-climax fight scene.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Nuclear location fight should have been changed.

None of this makes sense.

Fail of ending.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci

Director: Michael Bay

Dialogue: Fail

Complete failure of all dialogue.

Plot: Bad alien robots want to rejuvenate their leader.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent mission intro.

Good house scenes. Baby booties. Jokes.

Why would Sam want to live a normal life without the Transformers? Most guys would give their left nut to have direct access to an alien life form.

Relationship problems seem forced but…

Fail of govt alien working scenes. Doesn't work. Too unbelievable.

Decent university scenes.

Excellent drugged up mom scenes. Well done.

Excellent shot of marble ball transformer transforming. Very well done.

Good car girl scenes.

Fail of other bad alien transformer plot.

"Only a prime can defeat me" So…Illuminati alien bloodline type of stuff. Got it.

Fail of class scene.

Ah…young women swooning over their male professors. Yup, sounds about right. But then again, these women apparently have no power to consent because of the power dynamics according to the MeToo movement.

Excellent garage girl/mini alien scene.

Good room scene.

Excellent library scene.

Fail of interrogation scene.

Good battle scene.

How can the Transformers be classified from world when there was a massive death battle in New York in the previous movie?

Good two guys and two robots scene.

Alien robot hieroglyphics. Oh dear.

In a meat store. Jokes. Doesn't make sense, but good comedy value.

Buck tooth visible minority. Well done Hollywood.

Alien robots hiding. Really?

Excellent museum bathroom scene. Very well done. The writer knows comedy.

Good transport scene.

Interesting museum alien character.

Fail of past scenes. Garbage.

Fail of magical Egypt scenes.

Good military official plane scene. Well done.

Fail of pre-climax battle scenes.

Fail of parent scenes.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

While the comedy is good, it's not enough to pass garbage plots.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Terminator Salvation, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: John Brancato, Michael Ferris

Director: Joseph McGinty Nichol

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Machines want to kill humanity.

Story: Survival, Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of submarine generals characters.

Acting: Pass

Decent acting by Christian Bale.

Excellent acting by Sam Worthington.

Comments:

Excellent intro. But text could have been narrated with past visuals.

Good initial battle scene.

Excellent terminator helicopter scene.

Fail of submarine scenes. Beyond suspension of disbelief.

Good city battle scene.

Fail of rebel insurgent gas station scene.

Good truck terminator bike scene.

Ah…human scum. In all world wars, it's the human scummy asswipes that find a way to stay alive. Shame.

Decent survival scenes of woman/man.

Excellent resistance capture scenes.

Humans as animals. Yup, sounds about right. Our hierarchy is hilarious relative to animals. We slaughter them without any regard for their life. AI or aliens will eventually do the same to us while we take our last breath not understanding the irony.

Decent Skynet scenes.

Good escape scenes.

Decent riverbank scene.

Good pre-climax scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

The acting of Sam Worthington and his character was enough to pass it, along with an excellent ending.

Should have made more money, but I understand why it didn't.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blodded Prince, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Steve Kloves

Director: David Yates

Dialogue: Pass

"She's only interested in you because she thinks you're the chosen one." "But I am the chosen one." Decent line, good delivery.

Plot: An evil wizard wants to kill a good wizard.

Story: Character, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of Draco Malfoy character.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Alan Rickman as usual.

Excellent acting by Jessie Cave.

Excellent acting by Jim Broadbent.

Comments:

Good intro scenes. Well done.

Good old man visit scene.

Good house scene.

Good Snape scene, but some background story would have been helpful.

Excellent shop scene.

Good train scene.

Good feast scene.

Good class scene.

Ah…women and love potions.

Good Dumbledore scene.

Excellent past memory scene. Very well done.

The stupid sports thing works with a bit of comedy and music.

Good pub scene.

A Black guy and White girl together. Bless your heart Hollywood. A bit late since it's a 2009 movie, but...

Odd curse scene.

Good desert scene.

Good after party scene.

Excellent library scene.

That guy looks like a young Ryan Phillippe.

Decent party scene.

Good hallway scene.

Decent house scene.

Good farm scene.

Excellent past memory scene.

Good love potion scenes.

Excellent nursery scene.

Excellent Draco attic scenes throughout.

Excellent feast scene.

Good bathroom scene.

Good attic scene.

Good Hagrid scenes.

Excellent past memory scene.

Killing rips the soul apart. What nonsense. Murderers are probably kings in hell. But it plays well for magical fairytale movies.

Good Dumbledore adventure scenes.

Decent special effects.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett

Director: Stephen Sommers

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout. Oh dear god.

Plot: Terrorists want to unleash biological weapons on the world.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Sienna Miller’s acting.

Comments:

Complete fail of intro. What is this, The Man in the Iron Mask (1998)?

Would have been fine with modern day greed and control.

Nanobyte obedience. Like the COVID vaccines? Ha ha ha. Joking.

Fail of weapons presentation.

Fail of music content throughout.

Idiots as private military contractors. Oh dear.

Fail of attack scene. Garbage.

Interesting 3d hologram in the field.

Secret government bases in the middle of the desert. Yup, sounds about right.

Decent base scene.

Fail of airplane scene.

Ah…the secret underwater base. Of course.

Ah…the cobra. Poor venomous snake. Always getting a bad rap.

Mindless amoral soldiers. The wet dream of all governments. In 20-50 years (if AI doesn't wipe us out first), don't be surprised if govts start creating obedient clone armies.

Good bad guy base of operation scene.

Unbelievable mansion house scene. Rich men aren't that stupid.

Good past restaurant scene.

Good training scenes.

Is that Brendan Fraser? What are you doing in a GI Joe movie?

Ah…the emotionless hot liberal woman that men will fool around with but not settle down with. Well done Hollywood.

A secret military base can't detect an object underground, let alone metal? Oh dear god.

Fail of infiltration base scene. Doesn't make sense.

Fail of double fight scene.

Maybe the ninja fight scene could have worked with a better fight choreographer and better cinematographer.

Good pep talk scene.

Fail of past child fight scene, fail of music as well.

Unbelievable surgery scene, but…

Good past war scene.

Ah…the motorcycle in the rain with the bruised cuts. Well done.

I feel there's too much going on. Movie is moving too fast.

Fail of weaponizing scene.

Fail of people in running metal armor scene.

Fail of police scene.

Decent past child scene.

Fail of big speech scene.

Fail of surgery scene.

Good pre-climax scenes.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Fail of end cobra mask, but good ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Fast and Furious, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Chris Morgan

Director: Justin Lin

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Mexican cartels want to traffic goods.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Fail of supporting FBI characters.

Acting: Pass

At least Paul Walker’s acting wasn't as bad as the previous one.

Comments:

Excellent intro highway heist.

And…we move to women as sex objects. Just the way liberal Hollywood likes it.

Excellent intro LA scene.

Two ugly visible minorities with two White guys racing. And Hollywood wonders why visible minority characters don't do well in theatres.

Good club scenes.

Excellent car/woman scene.

Underneath the mountain. Well done.

Good hangar scene.

Excellent climax chase scene.

Excellent ending.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, 2009: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Director: Mark Waters

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man doesn't want to commit to one woman.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Ah...slutty damaged liberal women sleeping with professional photographers. Well done.

Conferencing three slutty women. Oh dear.

Excellent Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner scenes throughout.

Fail of dinner scene.

Excellent ghost scenes throughout.

Good hitting on mother scene.

"Did you edit this?" Jokes.

Excellent middle school scene with music.

Excellent Michael Douglas training scenes throughout.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie?

Always nice to watch a daddy in action.

Good dating scenes throughout.

Excellent bar scene with all past girlfriends. Very well done. This movie is worth watching even if just for this scene. But then again, you can easily watch it on YouTube.

Excellent assistant ghost scenes throughout.

"Don't be sad you whiny b*tches." Jokes.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Almost as if the movie was made just so male celebrities could get laid. Sometimes, pretend sex on-camera turns into real sex off-camera. Either before or after shooting.

Law Abiding Citizen, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Kurt Wimmer

Director: F. Gary Gray

Dialogue: Pass

"You give an inch here, you give an inch there. You get caught up in the game. And then you realize that
the system you're trying to change...it changed you.” Excellent line and delivery.

Plot: Burglars want to kill a family.

Story: Ethics, Ambition, Family

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro, but doesn't make sense in terms of his training.

Excellent law system scenes throughout.

Doesn't make sense that the evidence isn't enough to convict.

Good execution scene.

Legs looking good in heels. I don't think that MeToo movement would approve of such language.

Excellent bad guy torture scenes throughout.

Excellent prison scenes throughout. Very well done.

Good court scene.

Colm Meaney from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Wow. Nice to see you.

Excellent killing scenes throughout.

Excellent funeral scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

Should have made more money.

Would have been one of the best movies of all time if there was more character development.

The Men Who Stare At Goats, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Peter Straughan

Director: Grant Heslov

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A journalist wants to investigate psychic spies.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all investigative scenes throughout. Fail of writing.

Too much narration throughout.

Fail of all characters. Weak writing, but based on a true story, so…

Fail of most flashback training scenes throughout.

Fail of car scenes talk scenes throughout.

Poor goat.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

This movie wouldn't have been made without George Clooney and Ewen McGregor.

Watchmen (Director's Cut), 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Hayter, Alex Tse

Director: Zack Snyder

Dialogue: Pass

"None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me." Good line and delivery.

Plot: Someone wants to kill superheroes.

Story: Ethics, Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters all around.

Excellent The Comedian character.

Acting: Pass

Good acting all around.

Excellent acting by Jackie Earle Haley.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Excellent apartment fight scene. Very well done with the music.

Excellent credit roll scenes. Very well done.

Good investigative scene.

Excellent Rorschach narration throughout.

Good Rorschach/old partner scene.

Excellent Rorschach scenes throughout.

Fail of all Dr. Manhattan scenes. It just doesn't work.

Good funeral scene.

What was the music clearance bill? Must have been astronomical.

Good flashback scenes throughout.

Good attempted rape scene.

Excellent bar scene.

Excellent protest fight scene.

Good Comedian confession scene.

Excellent alley fight scene.

Good interview scene.

Excellent past Dr. Manhattan scenes.

Good building office attack scene.

Excellent Rorschach fight scene.

Excellent Rorschach jail scenes throughout.

Decent rescue scene.

Good sex scene.

Fail of Mars scenes throughout.

Good pre-climax scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

Excellent ending scene.

This movie should have made more money, at least to Potential Profit. The fact that it didn’t proves that God does NOT exist.

Sherlock Holmes, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Michael Robert Johnson, Anthony Peckham, Simon Kinberg

Director: Guy Ritchie

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A dark magician wants sacrifice a woman.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Robert Downey Jr. One of his best roles of all time.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent music throughout. This is the composer you want for your blockbuster movie.

Excellent pre-fight dialogue throughout.

Good temple fight scene.

Good home scene.

Excellent dinner analysis scene.

Excellent street fight scene.

Excellent carriage scene.

Excellent jail scene.

Excellent home scene.

Excellent recap.

Good cemetery scene.

Excellent lab/dock fight scene.

Excellent house scene.

Excellent scene with girlfriend.

Good bathtub scene.

Good secret society scene.

Excellent slaughter house scene.

Excellent train scene.

Excellent realization scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Fail of parliament speech.

Excellent ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Well done.

One of the best movies of all time.

Frost/Nixon, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Peter Morgan

Director: Ron Howard

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A former president wants to regain credibility.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of all interview scenes throughout. Boring.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of recruitment scene.

So much garbage dialogue.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

I don't know what the writer and director wanted to accomplish with this movie, and the audience didn't understand either.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $30 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Revolutionary Road, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Justin Haythe

Director: Sam Mendes

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A couple wants a better life.

Story: Relationships, Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good car scenes throughout.

Good office scenes throughout.

Ah…gotta love the cheating husbands of the world and the cigarette after sex.

Good home scenes throughout.

Period pieces are always tough with audiences.

Ah…the problems of middle class American White people. Cry me a river.

"Not worth the powder to blow you up." That's harsh.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

Angels & Demons, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Akiva Goldsman, David Koepp

Director: Ron Howard

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Plot: The Illuminati wants to destroy the Vatican.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Was the female physicist role added for kicks? Because that's what it feels like.

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Ewan McGregor.

Comments:

Various pope’s enabled priest pedophilia for decades if not centuries, if not millenniums. Combine that with weak govts refusing to really hold them accountable and the religious believers that will turn a blind eye and will “let God deal with them.” A permanent stain on humanity that will outlive all of us. Just saying.

Good intro.

Fail of cinematography of particle accelerator scene.

Good cinematography of particle collision scene.

Good swim scene.

Illuminati destroying the Vatican. What a joke. They’re one in the same side. One is the priest class, the other is the ruling class that is blessed by the priest class.

Decent room talk scene.

Decent plane scene.

The god particle and the singular moment of creation. Yawn.

Decent strategy room scene.

Anti-matter. Should have stuck with fusion. More believable.

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Good priest conclave scene.

Ah…we're all bound for heaven. And will there be little virgin boys waiting for the pedophile priests so they can experience “God’s love” through those dark robes? Too dark? Yah…that was too dark.

Fail of all captive scenes.

Nice Vatican archives scene.

Fail of music content throughout.

Nothing can save this movie. Complete fail of writing, dialogue, music, and characters.

Good d*ck measuring contest (not literally, forgive the pun) between Vatican officials. It plays well but not enough to pass the movie.

Fail of archive scene.

Almost as if the writer is just throwing anything in to buy time for the climax. Lazy writing.

Excellent car cinematography. Very well done.

Fail of conclave scene.

Good pre-climax fireplace scene.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass a garbage movie.

Good ending.

Dragonball Evolution, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ben Ramsey

Director: James Wong

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: An evil alien wants to destroy the Earth.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters. Oh dear god.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of fight scene.

Fail of all fight scenes throughout.

Complete fail of everything and all scenes. Oh dear god. Another reason to never watch live action adaptations of anime.

Fail of high school scene.

Fail of attack scene.

Lockers have a card swiping system. That’s news to me.

Good nervous talk scene.

Good outside party fight scene. Nice slow motion shots.

Fail of house attack scene.

Liberal scientist and free energy. Yah…that's never worked out in reality. We’re still waiting on the promise of free electricity and flying cars 70 years after WWII.

I like how the producers made both characters super hot beautiful women. Well done Hollywood.

Impressive motorcycle. When is that coming to market?

Good house break-in scene.

Fail of special effects for fight.

Fail of alien ship scene.

Ah…the creepy and horny old Asian guy. I don’t make the stereotypes.

Fail of mountain training scene.

Fail of cave scene.

Why is Yamcha's face so big and long? I'm just saying.

Fail of ship scene.

Alien creatures. Oh dear.

Fail of volcano scene.

Fail of monastery scene.

A Black mystic. Well done.

Fail of street scene.

Fail of all temple and training scenes.

Fail of climax scene.

"The test of seven has been fulfilled." Oh dear.

Fail of ending.

Fail of writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $60 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Crank: High Voltage, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A triad boss wants a man's heart.

Story: Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Powerfully stupid movie, even for Jason Statham.

Fail of solution.

Fail of writing, directing, cinematography.

The only good scene was the racetrack sex scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Push, 2008 Push, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Bourla

Director: Paul McGuigan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A group wants to capture people with supernatural abilities.

Story: Character, Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of explanation scene.

Good escape scene.

Fail of telekinetic guy scenes throughout.

Fail of weird people hunting them throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of all fight scenes throughout.

People with magic…I mean genetic powers. Sigh.

Fail of healing scene.

Powerfully stupid movie.

Fail of bathroom scene.

Fail of solution scene. Too stupid.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

12 Rounds, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Daniel Kunka

Director: Renny Harlin

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A criminal wants revenge against a cop.

Story: Ambition, Relationships.

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Almost any movie with John Cena is going to be terrible. Not hating. Just telling it how it is.

Comments:

Interesting intro.

Fail of apart scene.

Fail of cop car scenes throughout.

Hey, Littlefinger from Game of Thrones (Aidan Gillen). Nice to see you. Shame it's garbage acting.

Fail of van scene.

Fail of cop pulling over scene.

Fail of chase and capture scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of boat scene.

Fail of chase/rescue scene.

Fail of all scenes. Complete garbage writing. Fail of writing, directing, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $20 million proves that God DOES exist.

But still, how did this movie get a wide release? Like Josh Brolin, Jeff Bridges, Nicholas Cage, Gabriel Macht, Colin Farrell, Joel Kinnaman, Vin Diesel and Amber Heard…John Cena must have signed a contract with Satan for fame. Joking. No need to file the defamation lawsuits.

District 9, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell

Director: Neill Blomkamp

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Humans want to get rid of aliens.

Story: Character, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of interview style.

An ET ship needs help. Seriously?

Complete fail of everything. Fail of writing.

Aliens associated with Africans and slums. Well done with the stereotypes Hollywood.

Female aliens in pink sports bras. Oh dear.

Humans doing alien house inspections for weapons. Oh dear.

A giant killing robot. Of course.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Kudos for the slim $30 million production budget. Well done.

Bride Wars, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Greg DePaul, June Diane Raphael, Casey Wilson

Director: Gary Winick

Dialogue: Pass

"A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that?" Excellent line, fail in delivery.

"You mean you actually sit around eating sticks of butter?" Decent line, fail in delivery.

Plot: Two friends want to get married at the Plaza Hotel.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good attic dance scene.

Good party scenes throughout.

Narration not needed.

Ah…the life of beautiful middle class White women. Dearest mother, being born a male visible minority, I will not understand the world of beautiful White women who seemingly have bigger problems than those in developing nations.

A teacher. Oh dear god.

Good office scenes throughout.

Good wedding planner scenes throughout.

You can't do a double wedding with your best friend? Screw you.

Good engagement party blow up scene.

I wonder if feminists would approve of this movie? I doubt it. Most of their conversations revolves around man-hating.

Good office scenes throughout.

Fail of time-lapse dance studio scene.

Good competition scenes throughout.

Good bachelorette party scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

17 Again, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Jason Filardi

Director: Burr Steers

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A wife wants a divorce.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of basketball scene.

Good hallway scene.

Decent morning scene.

Good board scene.

Fail of janitor scene.

Fail of wife shredding scene.

Michelle Trachenberg. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Fail of house attack scene.

Fail of solution scene. Too stupid.

Fail of principal scene.

Ah…the sad life of the popular White guy in high school. Cry me a river.

Fail of high school scenes throughout.

Good bathroom scene.

Fail of cafeteria speech scene.

Fail of parking lot basketball scene.

Fail of classroom scene.

Fail of fight scene.

Fail of all young husband with ex-wife scenes throughout.

Complete failure of everything.

Fail of bowling scene.

Women telling a man not to respect them. Yup, sounds about right.

Fail of basketball game scene.

Fail of crying scene.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of fight scene.

Fail of house party scene.

Fail of court scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Extract, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Mike Judge

Director: Mike Judge

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A con artists wants to get rich.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Ben Affleck’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of guitar store intro.

Good manufacturing process.

Decent neighbor scene.

Ah…a wife not interested in sex. And people wonder why marriages keep failing.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of pawn shop scene.

Fail of manufacturing scene.

Fail of bar scene throughout.

Fail of office talk scene.

Too slow and boring.

"Cliff doesn't have a phone. Motherf*cker." Jokes.

Fail of phone call/flashback scene.

Decent neighbor scene.

Fail of drug room scene.

Fail sex guy scene.

Sad to see a marriage break down like that. But it's liberals. And they don't really believe in eternal love. It's just hormones and neurotransmitters for them.

Good woman/pool guy scene.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of worker plan scene.

Fail of confrontation scene.

Your wife's a cheating whore. File for divorce.

Fail of motel scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Decent climax scene. But not enough to pass.

Fail of ending.

How did this movie get a wide release? Star power.

Adventureland, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Greg Mottola

Director: Greg Mottola

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A guy wants to be with a girl.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Kristen Stewart.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of job scenes throughout.

Fail of all scenes throughout.

Fail of writing.

Ryan Reynolds and Kristen Stewart. Even star power can't save this garbage movie.

Fail of bar scene.

Sad to see the parents like this.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Ninja Assassin, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Matthew Sand, J. Michael Straczynski

Director: James McTeigue

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Ninja's want to assassinate people.

Story: Ambition, Survival, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Fail of all FBI characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all actors and actresses.

Comments:

Fail of intro fight scene.

Fail of all FBI scenes. Just garbage.

Fail of Laundromat fight scene.

Fail of all flashback scenes.

Fail of all training scenes.

Fail of all ninja attack scenes.

Fail of music content.

Are Hollywood writers even trying anymore?

Excellent first kill scene. Well done.

Too much blood flying everywhere.

Good cinematography though.

Fail of secret FBI facility scenes.

Hit by a car on the highway. Well done.

Fail of climax fight scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $60 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, 2009: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon

Director: Shawn Levy

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A board wants to get rid of a museum.

Story: Ambition, Purpose, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good museum scenes throughout.

Fail of security scene.

Hank Azaria as an Egyptian priest. Oh dear. The Whitewashing of Egypt.

Whitewashing Was One Of Hollywood's Worst Habits. So Why Is It Still Happening?

Gerard Butler Feels Gods of Egypt Whitewashing Backlash Was 'Too Much'

'Gods of Egypt' star claims whitewashing criticism wouldn't exist if the film had a different title

Good black and white scenery change. Well done.

Excellent cupid rap scene.

Excellent octopus scenes throughout.

The octopus is so loving and cute.

Excellent status scene throughout.

Bubblehead Einstein. Jokes.

Excellent Darth Vader scene.

Excellent flight launches.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

The Invention of Lying, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ricky Gervais, Matthew Robinson

Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew Robinson

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Ricky Gervais’ acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of all scenes.

Beyond suspension of disbelief. Too stupid.

Fail of all dates scenes throughout.

Fail of all lie scenes throughout.

Light comedy not enough to get over dumb plot.

Good climax scenes, not enough to pass.

Fail of ending.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

Public Enemies, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ronan Bennett, Ann Biderman, Michael Mann

Director: Michael Mann

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Mobs want to rob banks.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Johnny Depp as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Excellent escape scene.

One of the few period pieces that works.

Excellent shooting scenes throughout.

I don't want to see Johnny Depp advocate for gun control.

Good music content. important in period pieces.

Good commission hearing scene.

Good investigative scenes throughout.

Decent capture scene.

Good trial scene.

Good escape scene.

Excellent red light car scene. Very well done.

Fail of theatre scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Would have been profitable if the budget wasn't so big.

Passed with 3 writers. Impressive.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Justin Marks

Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Plot: A crime lord wants to control territories.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of all actors and actresses.

Comments:

Nice skyline and backyard intro.

Fail of house attack scene.

And then grown up. Sigh.

Attack and plot doesn't make sense.

A message in a foreign language. Adventure time.

Turning a blind eye to a beating in a subway. Yup, sounds about right.

Mother scene doesn't add anything to the plot.

A White man controlling Asian organized crime. Yup, sounds about right.

A Black man working for a White man who controls Asian organized crime. Yup, sounds about right.

White detectives investigating a Black man who works for a White man who controls organized crime in Asia. Yup, sounds about right.

Moon Bloodgood is Irish and Korean but looks mixed, leaning toward White, but would count as an exotic for Hollywood.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Must be nice having so many servants.

Fail of narration in middle of the movie.

Fail of all fight scenes.

Fail of philosophical principles.

Ah yes…put away the anger. But there are sociopaths ruling the world so that anger might come in handy. Just saying.

Garbage special effects throughout.

Oh…the detective kissing her passionately. She's so helpless. I don't recall seeing verbal consent in that kiss. That’s a no no for the MeToo movement.

Fail of club scene.

Terrible Chun Li fight scenes. Oh dear god. They should have gotten Jackie Chan to be the fight choreographer.

Beating a woman to death. Well done Hollywood. You shine a moral light in the darkness of the world.

Fail of past scenes.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting, cinematography, dialogue, and characters.

Fail of all supposed badass fight scenes.

Ah…the people resisting authority. What a cruel piece of fiction. We all know most people in China are sheep to an authoritarian communist government.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $13 million proves that God DOES exist.

Almost as if everyone intentionally tried to make a garbage movie, and this was the result.

The Pink Panther 2, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Steve Martin, Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber

Director: Harald Zwart

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A thief wants to steal valuable artifacts.

Story: Ethics, Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of all office scenes throughout.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of all investigative scenes throughout.

Decent car scene.

A lot of wasted comedy potential.

No amount of A-listers can pass this movie.

Fail of restaurant dance scene.

Fail of pope scene.

Fail of all kids scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Gamer, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A company wants to exploit people.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

John de Lancie from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Wow. Nice to see you again. Where have you been?

Fail of dystopian society. Too stupid and too unbelievable.

Fail of interview scene.

A game that uses real people as expendable foot soldiers. What is this, the US govt invasion of Iraq?

Powerfully stupid movie.

A snuff movie involving criminals. Sigh.

A video game creator billionaire. That's a sad dystopia.

Fail of science explanation. Beyond suspension of disbelief.

The allure of someone else controlling you? What is this, govt propaganda? BDSM?

Excellent butler sand shot.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Did he just ask his sister to make out? Eww.

Excellent cinematography throughout.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of all rebel scenes throughout.

I'm sure that Silicon Valley and the govt wish this was real.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Whiteout, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, Chad Hayes, Carey Hayes

Director: Dominic Sena

Dialogue: Fail

Complete failure of all dialogue.

Plot: Someone wants to kill people in the Antarctica.

Story: Survival, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of Gabriel Macht’s acting.

Comments:

Good intro but too stupid. No one is this dumb.

And we're already seeing a woman undress. Well done with the eye candy Hollywood.

Fail of almost all scenes right off the bat.

Fail of instruction outside scene.

Fail of all past memory scenes. Just terrible.

Weak music throughout.

Fail of party scenes.

Fail of autopsy scene.

Yes it's cold, windy and godforsaken. We got it. Move on please.

The UN police investigators. Oh dear god.

At least there's one token Black guy. Well done Hollywood.

Fail of all trapped airplane scenes.

It's a nice father figure, but it doesn't play well here.

Dealing with your own demons is a good plot, but not in Antarctica.

Fail of all other scenes.

Fail of climax scene. Too stupid.

Good ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Precious, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Geoffrey S. Fletcher

Director: Lee Daniels

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Parents want to abuse their daughter.

Story: Family, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Good school scenes throughout.

Excellent home scenes throughout. Wow. Heartbreaking.

Shaky camera doesn't work.

Could have been a better movie with better production & music content. Though I'm sure it was very difficult to get this movie made.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Andy Stock, Rick Stempson

Director: Neal Brennan

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue. Terrible corny jokes.

Plot: Banks want to foreclose on a car dealership.

Story: Character, Relationships.

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Coloreds. Oh dear.

Dead car dealership in 2009? In 2021 they're still going strong, with a strong demand for gas cars.

Fail of plane scene.

A man's man. Oh wow. Do me like a whore? That's pretty much what this movie is about. Hollywood at its best.

Fail of airport scene.

Powerfully stupid movie and fail of every scene.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of dinner scene. Wasted comedy potential.

And now we're at the strippers. Well done Hollywood.

Fail of all dealership scene.

Fail of all dialogue.

Complete fail of everything. How did this movie get a wide release?

Fail of sales tactics scenes.

Fail of rowdy people wanting to buy cars scene.

Fail of sales group scene.

Fail of karaoke scene.

Fail of all scenes. Complete garbage movie.

Fail of mayhem scenes. Too stupid.

Fail of past memory scene.

Nice to see Indian and Black together, but still a garbage movie.

Fail of angels scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made just over $15 million proves that God DOES exist.

The Ugly Truth, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Nicole Eastman, Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith

Director: Robert Luketic

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue throughout.

Plot: A woman wants to find love.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Katherine Heigl as usual.

Excellent acting by Gerard Butler.

Comments:

Good news room intro.

Ah…broadcast TV and ratings. In 10 years it won't matter because the internet (through Netflix and Disney) will dominate the content medium factory.

Shed a tear for the dying movie theater industry, as you watch your movies at home in your 5.1 surround sound home theater system (along with the microwave organic popcorn).

Good office scene.

Excellent bathroom scene.

Decent date scene.

Excellent guy TV scene.

Excellent office scenes throughout.

Interview with the mayor. Unless it's Rob Ford of Toronto (deceased) it won't be interesting. Rest in peace Rob Ford. Your chubby star burned too brightly.

Excellent anchor show scene.

Ah…powerful women who like to be dominated by men in bed. What does the MeToo movement have to say about that? "Women are complex." Of course they are.

Oh...the cat is so cute and loving.

Good apartment scene.

Excellent news program scenes throughout.

Wow, the assistant news woman is super beautiful. And the camera knows it.

Excellent cafe scenes.

Excellent baseball scene.

Vibrating panties. Wow. I honestly never knew that existed.

Excellent dating scene. Very well done.

The music clearance bill must have cost an arm and a leg. But it was worth it.

Good bar scene.

Excellent limo scene.

Excellent elevator scene. But she pushed back a little. Does that mean it wasn't consensual? Ah…so many questions for the MeToo movement and liberal women who don't really support it but have to for the sake of female collective power.

Excellent climax scene. Very well done.

Excellent ending.

3 writers. Impressive.

One of the best movies of all time.

Bruno, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Mazer, Jeff Schaffer

Director: Larry Charles

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue. Oh dear god.

Plot: A man wants to be famous.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of practically every scene.

Powerfully stupid movie. Complete fail of writing.

"Shoulders back, not a slave auction." Oh dear.

Fail of all gay sex scenes.

Why is former US Congressman Ron Paul in this movie?

How did this movie get a wide release? Sasha Baron capitalized on his fame. Well done.

Fail of music content.

Fail of attempted comedy.

Fail of Palestinian/Israel negotiation scenes.

Airport Black baby scene had potential to be funny, but...

Fail of narration, writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of talk show scenes.

Shot of Kevin Spacey as straight. Jokes. My, how the world changes.

Kevin Spacey apologizes, comes out as gay after allegation of sexual advance on 14-year-old

Fail of army recruit scenes.

The only redeeming part of this movie was the swingers/dominatrix scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of wrestling scene. If that happened in real life, they probably would have been killed before they got out.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $100 million proves that God does NOT exist.

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

All About Steve, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Kim Barker

Director: Phil Traill

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A woman wants to be with a man.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Fail

Fail of Sandra Bullock’s acting. Wrong actress for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of office scene.

"Parents pimping me out." Jokes.

Fail of house scenes throughout.

Crazy liberal women. Oh dear.

Decent car intimate scene.

This character is just sad.

Fail of all news scenes throughout.

Fail of bus scene.

Fail of truck scene.

Fail of media talk fight scene.

Hey, the nerdy guy from Hustle and Flow (DJ Qualls). Nice to see you.

Fail of car scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of van freaking out scene.

Fail of hole plot.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

An Education, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Nick Hornby

Director: Lone Scherfig

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A father wants his daughter to go to a good university.

Story: Purpose

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro. Interesting.

Another period piece. Christ.

Ah…the plight of middle class White families in the past. Cry me a river.

Beautiful cars.

Clearly, this is a writer who loves dialogue.

Decent home scene.

Decent car scene.

The wandering Jew. Jokes.

Good flower door scene.

Decent to good house scenes throughout.

Decent cello scenes throughout.

Fail of classroom scenes throughout.

Fail of auction scene.

Fail of bedroom scene.

An older man screwing a young girl and representing empowerment. Well done Hollywood.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Fail of ending.

I Love You Man, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: John Hamburg, Larry Levin

Director: John Hamburg

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants to find a best man for his wedding.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Fail

Fail of Paul Rudd’s acting.

Comments:

Good intro.

Good home scenes throughout.

Good office scenes throughout.

Good gym talk scene.

Good plot. Weird that the wife and her friends know about it.

Good friend date scenes throughout.

A woman who doesn't like oral sex. Yah, that’s not going to work for me, even though it might work for other men.

Good wedding prep scenes throughout.

89 years old. Jokes.

Good slow motion walk scene with music. Could have been slowed down more.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Funny People, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Judd Apatow

Director: Judd Apatow

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A comedian wants to deal with his health problems.

Story: Purpose, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of shop scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Website of Jewish people dating. Jokes. Liberals would give that a pass while complaining about white nationalist-only dating websites.

Inside the Sad World of Racist Online Dating

Swiping right into the alt-right racist online dating world

That dating site for white people? It's racist, no matter how it's justified

Is this movie a tribute to Adam Sandler? Christ.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

No amount of A-listers can save this movie.

Fired Up, 2009: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Freedom Jones

Director: Will Gluck

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue from coach character.

Plot: A coach wants to hold football camp in Texas.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Eric Christian Olsen.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent school scenes.

Sh*t d*ck. Jokes.

Excellent coach scene.

Always nice to see manwhores in action.

Interesting solution.

Good sister scenes throughout.

Good bus scene.

Good cheerleading scenes throughout.

Ah…men and women slutting around. Nice to see female empowerment in action. I’m sure that the MeToo movement would be proud.

Good naked cheer scene.

Excellent apology scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Good post credit scenes.

Should have made more money.

Almost as if the movie was made just so male celebrities could get laid. Sometimes, pretend sex on-camera turns into real sex off-camera. Either before or after shooting.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Kevin James, Nick Bakay

Director: Steve Carr

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Thieves want to rob a mall.

Story: Relationships, Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good home scenes throughout.

Good video scene.

A bouncy ball area in a mall. Really?

I've never been on one of those moped things yet. Someday I will, but not anytime soon.

Who stops a man in a motorized wheelchair? Too stupid.

Fail of girl talk scene.

Fail of shop scene. Too unbelievable.

Getting close to beyond suspension of disbelief and entering the stupid funny movie category.

Fail of restaurant scene. Too stupid.

P*ssy security guards. Then again, it's makes sense for the wages they make. It's not worth your life.

Good Indian guy scene.

Police are scared of a flash bomb. Really?

And we've now gone into stupid funny category.

I've tuned out all other scenes. Too stupid.

Fail of all police idiots standing outside.

Fail of elevator scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Up in the Air, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner

Director: Jason Reitman

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Bosses want to fire their employees.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by George Clooney as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

A third party firing employees. Wow, I didn't know companies do that.

Good firing scenes throughout.

Fail of side job scenes throughout.

Comparing loyalty cards. Weird people.

Decent hotel bar meeting scene. Could have been better.

Interesting office scene.

Fail of new solution. Not even face to face? P*ssies.

Decent office scenes throughout.

Decent airport scene.

Decent plane scene.

You're firing someone. Of course they're going to b*tch at you. Develop a thick skin or get someone else to do it.

Fail of bus talk scene.

"Success doesn't matter until I find the right guy." Holy sh*t. That line would first make feminists pissed the f*ck off. And then they'll cry eating ice cream and watching Friends on Netflix.

Decent hotel scenes.

Decent bar scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of plane pilot scene.

Fail of ending.

The acting really passed this movie and its weak writing.

500 Days of Summer, 2009: PASS

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber

Director: Marc Webb

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A woman wants to break up with her boyfriend.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He was the correct actor for this role.

Comments:

Fail of narrated intro. I just don't like it. Sorry not sorry.

Breaking plates. Jokes.

Good relationship scenes throughout

Good PMS joke.

The acting really pushes this story. But I don't like the dialogue that much.

I don't like the narration. It doesn't work. Feels cheap.

Adequate greeting card writer. Jokes.

Weird main woman character.

There’s something about the writing I don't like. It's passable, but something grinds me the wrong way.

Flash mob dance doesn't work. Should have been smaller to be more effective.

Woman character too messed up. Even real women aren't that f*cked up.

Black and white doesn't work.

What was the music clearance for this movie? Then again, it doesn't matter because it was an Epic Commercial Success.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

New in Town, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: C. Jay Cox, Ken Rance

Director: Jonas Elmer

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A company wants to restructure its manufacturing arm.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of house scene.

Fail of boardroom scene.

Fail of airport scene.

Sorry, but the small town feel doesn’t work here.

Fail of all house talk scenes.

Fail of all plant scenes.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of outdoor car scene.

Her mitts look like my mitts from the NWT. -40 C not including the wind chill. And the helicopter rotor blades. Oh god that was the coldest day I’ve ever experienced. I've fallen into freezing coldwater and it wasn't colder than that day and those goddamn helicopter rotor blades in -40 C plus the wind chill.

Fail of all work scenes.

Fail of all characters, writing.

Damn liberals trying to sexualize young people. I hope there's special place in hell for you.

Fail of outdoor nature scenes.

Fail of old man/woman talk scene.

Fail of speech scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Year One, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg

Director: Harold Ramis

Dialogue: Fail

Weak dialogue.

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition, Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting all around.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of primitive man scene. Wait, it's for the entire movie. F*ck me.

Fail of stupid funny.

Fail of dinner scene.

Fail of chariot scene.

Fail of every single garbage scene. Christ. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of royal scene.

And he's gold. Oh dear.

Fail of all writing, acting, directing, characters, dialogue.

Fail of ballroom scene.

At least the producers were smart enough not to include Black people as slaves. Well done.

Fail of chamber scene.

Fail of planned execution scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $60 million proves that God does NOT exist.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Surrogates, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: John Brancato, Michael Ferris

Director: Jonathan Mostow

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Someone wants to kill people.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Dystopian future too unbelievable from the start.

Everyone is super strong and fast with surrogates, boring.

Good family interlude scenes, but not enough to pass garbage writing.

Fail of all scenes.

Fail of all investigative scenes throughout.

The obvious reality is that people in surrogates would rape or kill non-surrogates.

Fail of rebel leader scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

I'm sure that Silicon Valley loved this movie. It was made for them.

The Boat that Rocked/Pirate Radio, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Richard Curtis

Director: Richard Curtis

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: US govt wants to shut down a pirate radio station.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of all boat scenes throughout.

Fail of govt scenes throughout.

Wrong room naked. Could have been funny.

Fail of all scenes.

Complete failure of everything. Fail of writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Free love and everyone f*cking. Lovely.

As if pirate radio was needed to save the day. Get the f*ck outta here.

Fail of climax scenes.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $35 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Observe and Report, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Jody Hill

Director: Jody Hill

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good parking lot scene.

Fail of all mall scenes throughout. He doesn't fit the role.

Fail of all home scenes throughout.

Boring flat movie.

Decent second parking lot scene.

Fail of harassment of Brown guy scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

Race to Witch Mountain, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Matt Lopez, Mark Bomback

Director: Andy Fickman

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: US govt wants to experiment on aliens.

Story: Character, Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Dwayne Johnson as a taxi driver. Too unbelievable.

Fail investigative scenes throughout.

Everything hangs in the balance of the taxi driver. Oh dear. Too unbelievable. And the audience agreed since it was a Commercial Failure.

They chose a cab knowing that taxis can be tracked. Really?

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of weird underground world scenes.

Fail alien hunter scenes throughout.

Fail of all cab scenes.

Good restaurant idea. Well done.

Pointing a gun at the guy who doesn't have one. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made $100 million proves that God does NOT exist.

He's Just Not that into You, 2009: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein

Director: Ken Kwapis

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Four women want a better life.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Well done with the lies. Jokes.

So many multiple characters. Oh dear.

I just feel so sad for these women.

Good Jennifer Aniston scenes throughout.

Fail of Jennifer Connelly contract scene.

Decent home depot scene.

Oh...the Labrador is so cute and loving.

Fail of most scenes. Just sad.

Decent climax scene.

Decent ending.

Barely passable.

The Proposal, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Peter Chiarelli

Director: Anne Fletcher

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: US govt wants to deport a boss.

Story: Character, Relationships, Family

Characters: Fail

Weak characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of employees fear scenes throughout. too stupid.

Ah…publishers. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. Sorry, too cruel. But publishers have acted as gatekeepers for far too long.

Fail of almost all office scenes.

Good problem, but solution is too stupid. Let's hope the comedy can save it.

Fail of immigration office scene.

Fail of street scene.

Fail of plane scene.

30 minutes and I'm still waiting for the comedy.

Fail of most home scenes. Too stupid.

Bribing an eagle with a dog. Jokes. First comedy scene in the movie.

Fail of bachelorette scene.

Fail of writing. This wanted to be a comedy but the writer failed to pull it off.

Good naked dog scene.

Fail of forest scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

The International, 2009: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Eric Warren Singer

Director: Tom Tykwer

Dialogue: Fail

"The real value of a conflict, the true value, is in the debt that it creates. You control the debt. You control everything." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A bank wants to fund and profit from war.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters overall.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Brían F. O'Byrne’s acting.

Excellent acting by Armin Mueller-Stahl.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

A European bank funding organized crime. Same old. Maybe it’s based on HSBC funding drug cartels, which the Obama administration turned a blind eye to.

Report: HSBC allowed money laundering that likely funded terror, drugs

Wachovia US bank laundered billions from Mexico's murderous drug gangs

Megabanks too big to jail, lack of accountability, money laundering

Lawmakers failure to regulate banks money laundering

Beautiful huge banks.

He settles to meet with an attorney after he just got stood up. Really?

Excellent sniper practice cinematography.

No point for birds eye view of crowd running. Just looks like ants.

Ah…the jurisdiction card. Well done.

Overhears confidential info. Really?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

The Taking of Pelham 123, 2009: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Brian Helgeland

Director: Tony Scott

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue throughout.

Plot: Thieves want to take people hostage.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Good characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by John Travolta as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Weird cinematography shots not needed. Not helping.

Excellent initial train heist scenes.

Excellent phone conversation banter.

Fail of mayor scenes.

Decent cop interrogation scene.

Embarrassing the employee in a hostage negotiation scene. Wow. Well done. Even I wouldn't have thought of that.

Excellent bribe explanation scene.

Excellent use of wide shot CGI map of New York City. Very well done. I’d like to see more of that.

Good cop driving scene.

Fail of mayor car scene.

Good music content. Sometimes a bit too much.

Asshole of dog in front of you. Jokes.

The police transport was odd. But I'll let it slide because of the good phone banter.

Excellent slow motion gunshot scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Solid movie.

Land of the Lost, 2009: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Chris Henchy, Dennis McNicholas

Director: Brad Silberling

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to explore different eras.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Matt Lauer before his MeToo moment. Wow.

Matt Lauer: Former 'Today' Employee Reveals Traumatic Relations With Anchor

Graphic, Disturbing Details of Matt Lauer's Alleged Sexual Misconduct

Matt Lauer had an affair with a 'well-respected' NBC star

Fail of talk show scene.

Fail of lab show scene.

A man challenging mainstream science. Kudos to you.

6 minutes in and I want to destroy this movie and all of Hollywood. That's how bad this movie is.

Fail of store scene.

Fail of ride scene.

Fail of native creatures.

Fail of all special effects.

Fail of all fantasy world scenes. Oh dear god. Complete fail of writing, directing, acting.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of ETs.

Interesting Illuminati symbolism.

Fail of all scenes after.

Decent mannequin scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that this movie made almost $70 million proves that God does NOT exist.

I see that Will Ferrell’s star power is strong enough to get this garbage move a wide release. And people wonder why aliens don’t communicate with us.

Julie & Julia, 2009: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Nora Ephron

Director: Nora Ephron

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A woman wants a better life.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent new life scenes throughout.

A blog of Annabelle. I have thoughts. Jokes.

Lovely bruschetta.

Meryl Streep. Oh dear.

Uh…we already have YouTube for recipes.

Fail of cooking chefs scene.

The two plots in contrast don't work.

Weak characters and acting.

Fail of most scenes. Fail of writing, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Continued in Part 2.