Hollywood Movie Review Series:

*Movies are in no particular order. Please use Crtl F on your keyboard to find a particular movie. Movies that got a wide release in the year after their first screening are listed in the next year. For example, 300 (2006) is listed in 2007 because it only got a wide release in 2007.

*Don't worry about spoilers. You can read the review of any movie without being afraid of spoilers and enjoy the movie if you watch it. I intentionally made sure not to ruin a movie by revealing a hidden plot or hidden climax scene. I simply pass or fail each scene and comment on them.

Wild Hogs, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Brad Copeland

Director: Walt Becker

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Various men want a better life.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of kitchen scene.

Fail of dentist scene.

Eskimo hooker. Oh dear.

Fail of coffee shop scene.

Fail of rich guy/lawn scene.

Smelled his neck. Jokes.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of dinner scene.

This would have made scene if we saw them as kids.

Fail of campfire scene.

John C. McGinley from Scrubs? Always a pleasure.

Fail of pond scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Put it in his mouth and chew on it. Wasted comedy potential.

Fail of road scene.

Fail of sheriff scene.

Fail of bull scene.

Fail of fair scene.

Another older man and younger woman relationship. 15 year difference in reality. And women in Hollywood wonder why liberal men discard them so easily. But just so we’re clear, I’m sure there will be a big age difference between me and my future wife. I just point out the contradiction for liberal Hollywood.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Smokin' Aces, 2007: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Joe Carnahan

Director: Joe Carnahan

Dialogue: Fail

"Get that gun out of my spine or engage the safety please." Decent line, good delivery.

Plot: A mafia boss wants to kill a snitch.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of Buddy Israel character. Too stupid.

Acting: Pass

Weak acting from Andy Garcia. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Fail of music content throughout.

Plot is too stupid even for the FBI. Weak writing.

Fail of all penthouse scenes. Terrible.

Always nice to see skanks selling themselves. Well done Hollywood.

Nice Black female empowerment speech.

The flashbacks give too much away.

Fail of phone conversation.

Nice cinematography but wasted on sh*tty shots by the director.

Fail of emotional moments of Buddy. No real emotional connection despite music forcing it.

Good elevator scene. Could have been better. But excellent tension shot.

What is this, a boy scout security for a casino and hotel? Where is your bulletproof vests and gear?

Excellent long range firepower scene.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

End realization too expected.

Fail of ending.

This movie would have passed with a better writer. Should be redone.

Zodiac, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: James Vanderbilt

Director: David Fincher

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of dialogue. Too dry.

Plot: A serial killer wants publicity.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Characters don't show any passion or intensity, just flat and dead.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of boardroom scene.

Boring office scenes throughout.

Fail of beach kill scene.

Fail of investigative scenes throughout.

Lack of music/sound effects kills the movie.

Random killing isn't interesting.

I wanted to stop watching after 30 minutes of nothing interesting.

Fail of live radio scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Weak acting throughout.

Decent interview scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Not the worst movie of all time. But pretty close.

$65 million production budget. Holy f*ck. Paramount Pictures and Warner Bros. Pictures have money to burn.

Spiderman 3, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi, Alvin Sargent

Director: Sam Raimi

Dialogue: Pass

"You'll get your rent when you fix this damn door." Good line and delivery.

Plot: An escaped convict wants a better life for his family.

Story: Relationships, Ethics, Ambition, Character

Characters: Pass

Good characters all around.

Excellent landlord character.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Bruce Campbell’s acting.

Excellent acting by James Franco.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Excellent web kiss.

Excellent couple apartment scene.

Good aunt scene.

Fail of building fight scene. terrible music content.

Good escape scene and special effects.

Good sandman creation scene.

Excellent crane building scene.

Well done with Jameson office scene with drugs.

Good street attack scene.

Corny parade scene.

Good restaurant scene.

Good flashback scene.

Good initial venom scene.

Excellent underground battle scene. Very well done.

Payphones. Kids won't even know what they are in the future.

Fail of flashback scene.

Decent friend fight.

Good newsroom scene.

Excellent phone scene. A bit corny, but I’ll let it slide.

Making another woman jealous? Kudos. I wonder if jealousy exists in the world of feminists. I mean, why would feminists ever be jealous over a man?

Decent bell scene. Could have been better.

Can't afford plastic surgery. Really?

Did you know that skin can be 3d printed today.

Scientists 3-D Print Skin That Develops Working Blood Vessels

Handheld 3-D skin printer accelerates healing process for burns, research shows

Good butler scene. Didn't expect that.

Fail of free fall fight scene.

Fail of reporter woman. Can someone just kill her?

Good climax scene.

35mm camera. Jokes. Well done.

Excellent pole sound scene.

Excellent ending.

3 writers and a good movie. Well done.

The Bourne Ultimatum, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Tony Gilroy, Scott Z. Burns, George Nolfi

Director: Paul Greengrass

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue throughout.

Plot: The CIA wants to kill a journalist.

Story: Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by David Strathairn.

Good acting by Julia Stiles.

Excellent acting by Matt Damon as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent office scene.

Excellent phone tracking. That's how it's done.

Decent flashbacks.

The spies in their car shouldn't look that obvious.

Excellent airport scene. Wow. Very well done.

Excellent writing, directing, cinematography.

Good restaurant scene.

Excellent agency office scene.

Good Bourne office scene.

Good street scene.

Excellent fight scene as usual.

Excellent building/street scene.

Best Bourne film out of the trilogy.

Excellent street chase scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

3 writers and a solid movie. Kudos.

One of the best movies of all time.

Ocean's 13, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Brian Koppelman, David Levien

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Dialogue: Pass

"What exactly do you want us to do?" "Raise those skirts up bout 3 inches.” Good line, excellent delivery.

"Literature, literature, Mr. Banks come on now, you don't need to read no literature. All you need to do is feel it." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: A casino owner wants to cut out a partner from a business deal.

Story: Relationships, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Bernie Mac as usual. Rest in peace good sir.

Comments:

Excellent intro and past explanation scene.

Excellent construction talk scene.

Excellent Romanoff explanation scenes.

Ocean’s 13 is the best of the trilogy.

Excellent lie detector scene.

Excellent planning scenes as usual.

Excellent past casino heist scenes.

Excellent implementation scenes as usual.

Too cruel with inspectors. Well done.

Excellent Benedict scene. Very well done.

Excellent music content throughout.

Excellent air strip scene.

Good strike scene.

Excellent casino gaming expo scene. Very well done.

Good seduction scenes.

Excellent cartwheel scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End, 2007: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio

Director: Gore Verbinski

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout

"Where do your allegiances lie?" "With the highest bidder." "I have a ship." "That makes you the highest bidder." Excellent line and delivery.

"Shoot him and cut out his tongue then shoot his tongue." Good line, fail in delivery,

Plot: British govt wants to eradicate pirates from the world.

Story: Relationships, Family, Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Fail

Excellent acting by Johnny Depp as usual.

Fail of Chow Yun-fat’s acting.

Fail of Bill Nighy’s acting.

Fail of Naomie Harris’ acting.

Fail of Orlando Bloom’s acting.

Comments:

Excellent execution scenes intro.

Good docks/water scene.

Excellent gun check scene. Very well done.

Excellent Asian warlord meeting scene.

Decent battle scene.

Excellent flying Dutchman water rise cinematography.

Fail of Dutchman battle scene.

Decent office cabin scene.

Good boat scene.

Good ice walls.

Decent initial sparrow scene. Could have been better.

Good beach scene.

Good Will and Elizabeth scene.

He grabbed her and forced her against a wall. I didn't see him ask permission to enter her space. So many Hollywood movies prior to 2017 wouldn't pass the high standards that the MeToo movement have created.

Good night ship scene.

Interesting boat flip solution.

Good sparrow and Beckett scene.

Good ship scenes throughout.

Good sparrow turner scene.

Good night escape scene.

Fail of Brethren Court scene.

Decent prison scene.

Fail of sparrow clone scene.

Fail of Calypso release scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of slow motion Beckett scene.

Fail of ending.

The characters are decent, but aside from Johnny Depp, the acting and dialogue is garbage.

Transformers, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman

Director: Michael Bay

Dialogue: Pass

"You better get those guys out of my garden or I'm going to beat the crap out of them." Good line and delivery.

Plot: Bad alien robots want to destroy the Earth.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Excellent acting throughout.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Odd watching Shia LaBeouf when he's no longer famous and more or less blacklisted by Hollywood.

Excellent military intro scenes.

Good class scene.

Excellent car dealership scene.

Good pentagon scene.

The idea that govt need civilians to figure out a signal is nonsense, but I’ll give it a pass.

Excellent patriotic music throughout.

Good park/car scene.

Excellent cinematography throughout.

Megan Fox as eye candy for male viewers. Well done Hollywood.

Good airplane scene.

Good pentagon scene.

Excellent military desert/pentagon scenes. Very well done.

Good house scene.

Good chase/car scene.

Decent battle scene.

Excellent arrival scenes.

Excellent swimming pool arrival scene. Very well done.

Good war projection/past scene.

Excellent house scenes. Very well done.

Decent car/sector 7 scene.

Fail of Transformer rescue scene. Could have done better.

Decent military explanation scene.

Good bunker scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Michael Goldenberg

Director: David Yates

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A magical govt wants to deny that war is coming.

Story: Character, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Fail of secretary of magic character.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Alan Rickman.

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of magic team rescue. Weak.

Oh, the cat is so cute and loving.

Doesn't make sense that the ministry is in denial.

Good ministry entrance.

Fail of trial scene. Too stupid.

Decent carriage scene.

Fail of feast scene.

Fail of common room scene.

Plot is too weak for this movie to make sense, let alone pass.

Excellent dream scenes. Well done art department and cinematography.

Fail of class scene. No character should be this stupid or in denial.

Excellent newspaper animation/live action scenes throughout.

Fail of firing scene. In the courtyard. Really?

Teach yourself because school is in denial? Sounds like a typical liberal school. Ha ha ha.

Good training scenes.

Good flourishing romance scenes.

Good couch scene.

Excellent emergency meeting scene.

Good uncle scene.

Decent Hagrid scene.

Good secret hideaway scene.

Good special effect Dumbledore scene.

Good forest scene.

Excellent Snape scene.

Good professor room scene.

Good pre-climax scene.

Good climax scene and special effects.

Excellent past memory scene with music content.

Good ending.

The beginning was stupid and weak, but it picked up in the middle to end. Passable.

Because I Said So, 2007: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Karen Leigh Hopkins, Jessie Nelson

Director: Michael Lehmann

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A mother wants her last daughter to get married.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Diane Keaton as usual.

Comments:

Decent intro.

One breast smaller than the other. Jokes.

Excellent locker room scene.

Vacuum sealed ass. Jokes.

How is Gabriel Macht in this movie? He's in almost every movie in a small or medium role. Christ.

Good interview scenes.

Good shopping scene.

I hope my future wife never does this to my future daughters.

Decent psychologist scene.

Excellent car dog scene.

Good date scenes throughout.

Good phone conversation scene.

Excellent mother scenes throughout.

Good mother make-out scene.

Good mother sex scene.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

Should have made more money, at least to Potential Profit.

Balls of Fury, 2007 Balls of Fury, 2007: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Commercial Success)

Writer: Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant

Director: Ben Garant

Dialogue: Pass

"She is cruel and laughs at you when you are naked. But you keep coming back for more and more...Why? because she is the only prostitute I can afford." Good line, excellent delivery. Best scene of the movie.

She is the only prostitute I can afford - Balls of Fury

Plot: The FBI wants to catch a mafia boss.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of all FBI characters.

Fail of bad guy character.

Good little girl character.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of betting scene.

Fail of all table tennis scenes throughout.

Fail of stage performance.

Fail of all FBI scenes.

Another stupid-funny movie. Oh dear.

Fail of all training scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of pre-airport scenes.

Fail of bad guy liar's tournament scenes throughout.

Even Christopher Walken can't save this garbage movie.

Fail of Enter the Dragon parody.

Fail of slow/stop motion shots.

Fail of tournament scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Fail of musical dance ending.

Evan Almighty, 2007: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Steve Oedekerk

Director: Tom Shadyac

Dialogue: Pass

"How long do you want to do this son? I've got all of eternity." Weak line, excellent delivery.

Plot: God wants a congressman to build an ark.

Story: Character, Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Decent house scenes.

Ah…the scum of politics. Where dreams go to die.

Fail of solution. Doesn't make sense, even though we know the future problem.

Oh…the animals are so cute.

Beyond suspension of disbelief. Nice attempt to incorporate Christianity into the movie. Better than most Christian movies.

Good bird office scene.

Fail of building scenes.

Excellent fish scene.

Stupid characters, but the comedy is solid.

Good animal scenes throughout.

Good bar scene.

Alpaca with a hammer. Jokes.

Good animal building scenes throughout.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Good dance ending.

$175 million dollar production budget. Geez.

Dan in Real Life, 2007: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Pierce Gardner, Peter Hedges

Director: Peter Hedges

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A father wants to deal with the death of his wife.

Story: Relationships, Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent kitchen scene.

Fail of bookstore scene.

Good family scenes throughout.

Good family dinner scene.

Good kids outing scene.

Excellent shower scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Good father/daughter scenes throughout.

Needing love but forgetting about your kids. Oh dear.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Fred Claus, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Dan Fogelman, Jessie Nelson

Director: David Dobkin

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A boy wants to resent his brother and family.

Story: Family, Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Fail of girlfriend character.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Vince Vaughn’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of writing. It just doesn't work.

Fail of man/girl talk scene.

Fail of guy/girl talk scene.

Fail of apartment scene.

Fail of collection scene.

Fail of Santa fight scene.

Fail of bed/phone scene.

Deadbeat brothers who want money. Toss them to the winds. If they die, walk it off. After they turn 18 they're not your responsibility.

Fail of all north pole scenes throughout.

Fail of mass surveillance scene.

40 minutes into it and the real plot begins. Sigh.

Movie would have been better without North Pole Santa plot.

Fail of Santa meeting scene.

Fail of party scene.

Good dinner scene.

I wonder when Santa will be a visible minority. God forbid. White people would most likely break down crying in the streets if that ever happened. Of course, they would first attempt to boycott a visible minority Santa in every way possible.

Fail of intervention scene.

Fail of brother argument scene.

Fail of group talk scene.

Fail of new Santa scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

$100 million budget. Warner Bros. Pictures has money to burn.

Hot Rod, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Pam Brady

Director: Akiva Schaffer

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A stepson wants to save his stepdad.

Story: Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Good music content throughout. But how much was the music clearance bill?

Powerfully stupid movie.

Fail of all stunts. Too stupid. Why does Hollywood keep cranking out stupid funny movies? I'll tell you why. Because the bar is too low.

Girl with the asshole but doesn't realize yet, but will in the end. Sigh. Cookie cutter writing.

Excellent slow motion birthday party scene.

Fail of tai chi scene.

Fail of auditorium scene.

Fail of car drug scene.

Excellent peace to violence scene. That was the best part of the movie.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Barry Fanaro, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Director: Dennis Dugan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A pension board doesn't want to change beneficiaries for a firefighter.

Story: Relationships, Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of almost all scenes.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of problem. Doesn't make sense. Fail of writing.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of solution.

Fail of all fire scenes.

Jessica Biel. Nice to see you.

Fail of cab scene.

Decent bed scene.

Fail of investigation of fraud. Doesn't work.

Fail of club scene.

Fail of high school scene. Too stupid.

Good Black guy coming out scene.

Good shower scene. Could have used music effects.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Mr. Bean's Holiday, 2007 Mr. Bean's Holiday, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Success

Writer: Hamish McColl, Robin Driscoll

Director: Steve Bendelack

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of train scene.

Fail of all scenes.

Stupid funny. Should have been direct to video/streaming.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Good opera street improv scene. Best scene of movie.

Fail of movie set scene.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Kudos for the skinny $25 million production budget.

Mr. Woodcock, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Michael Carnes, Josh Gilbert

Director: Craig Gillespie

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A mother wants to marry her son's former gym coach.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Sean William Scott’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of bookstore scene.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of all home scenes. Too stupid.

Fail of school scenes throughout.

Fail of all wrestling scenes throughout.

Fail of mom characters. too stupid.

I'm sure the writer was expecting this to be another American Pie.

Fail of gym scene.

Fail of pool scene.

Fail of carnival scene.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Decent ending.

Norbit, 2007: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Eddie Murphy, Charlie Murphy, Jay Scherick, David Ronn

Director: Brian Robbins

Dialogue: Fail

"So you want to watch a b*tch come down the slide? I'll show you how a b*tch comes down the slide." Excellent line and delivery.

Plot: A woman wants to cheat on her husband.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of all childhood scenes. Too stupid.

Razor blade and lemon juice. Jokes.

Fail of wedding scene.

Fail of couple scenes throughout.

Fail of fitness scene.

Fail of all couple car scenes throughout.

Good real plot.

Fail of carnival party scene.

Raining little White women. Jokes.

Good water park slide scene. Right on top of a little White girl. Jokes. Best scene of the movie.

Norbit (5/5) Movie CLIP - Splash Down (2007)

Fail of carwash scene.

Fail of date scene.

Decent comedy throughout, but not enough to pass.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Baby daddy. Jokes.

Decent ending.

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Shoot Em Up, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Michael Davis

Director: Michael Davis

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: The mob wants to kill a baby.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Complete failure of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of bad guy acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of all bad guy scenes throughout.

Fail of all attack scene throughout.

Touching a dead woman's nipple. Sadly, society is this f*cked up.

Fail of music content.

Too stupid. Mob wants to kill a baby. Sigh.

Baby in flak jacket. Jokes.

Fail of US senator scene.

Fail of sex scene.

Fail of museum spanking scene.

Fail of warehouse shooting scene. Too stupid.

Powerfully stupid air fight.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Not one of the worst movies of all time, but pretty close.

The Bucket List, 2007: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Justin Zackham

Director: Rob Reiner

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two patients want to deal with their impending death.

Story: Character, Purpose

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Morgan Freeman as usual.

Excellent acting by Jack Nicholson as usual.

Comments:

Good intro.

Excellent hospital scenes throughout.

Ah…the cancer diagnosis. Any cancer movie will be a success because almost every person has or knows someone with cancer. It's an easy market. If I get it, I’ll take my medical marijuana and die naturally sitting beside a tree.

Excellent skydiving scene. Very well done.

"God, that woman hated me." Jokes.

Good adventure scenes throughout.

Excellent blowup scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

The Darjeeling Limited, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola, Jason Schwartzman

Director: Wes Anderson

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Brothers want to reconnect with each other.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro. Only the run made it good. Fail of all scenes after.

Complete fail of writing.

This is like a slow foreign movie.

How did this get a wide release?

Fail of all train scenes.

Fail of car/truck scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Excellent slow motion train ending. Jokes.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Game Plan, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Nichole Millard, Kathryn Price, Audrey Wells

Director: Andy Fickman

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A daughter wants her estranged dad to take care of her.

Story: Family, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of party scene

Fail of door girl scene.

Oh…that bulldog is ugly but cute.

Too much overacting from Johnson.

Fail to decent father/daughter scenes throughout.

Child character is too smart.

Picking a nanny in front of everyone. What?

Forgetting daughter. That does make sense for the character.

Weak comedy and weak characters so far.

Even egotistical men shouldn't be this stupid.

Fail of ballet father training scenes throughout.

Fail of ballet scene.

Fail of hospital mother scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Fail of writing.

This movie made money only because of Dwayne Johnson’s unbeatable star power.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Heartbreak Kid, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Scot Armstrong, Leslie Dixon, Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly, Kevin Barnett

Director: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly

Dialogue: Pass

"F*ck me like a Black guy Eddie." Decent line, fail in delivery.

"Mac, get your ass in the fucking car right now." Decent line, excellent delivery.

Plot: A man wants to be with another woman on his honeymoon.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of wedding scene.

Fail of street robbery scene.

Fail of store scene.

Ah…the problems of mid-income White people. Cry me a river.

At least there are visible minorities at the wedding. That was nice of Hollywood.

Taking crazy liberal women off the market. It doesn't matter. They'll just cheat because they're atheists with no real ethics and don't believe in eternal love. Only good for casual sex, not long term relationships.

Good sex scene. Well done.

Fail of car scenes throughout.

Fail of all honeymoon scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Excellent ending.

5 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Comebacks, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Ed Yeager, Joey Gutierrez

Director: Tom Brady

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A washed up coach wants a better life.

Story: Character, Relationships, family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of stable scene.

Fail of house scene.

Fail of court scene.

Powerfully stupid movie.

Fail of narration throughout.

Fail of almost every scene.

Fail of coach talk scene.

Fail of superstar scene.

Fail of baseball scene.

Fail of father/house scene.

Fail of locker scene.

Fail of gymnastics scene.

Excellent visualization music scene.

Fail of training scenes.

Fail of hair salon scene.

Fail of football game scenes.

Watching gay porn. Jokes.

Baby in a football. That's so cute.

His hand slips on the girls football bra. Jokes.

Fail of cheerleader scenes.

Fail of guy/girl room scene.

Never tiring of each other's bodies. You wish.

Fail of jail/prison scenes.

Fail of all game scenes.

Fail of affair scene.

Fail of hair salon scene.

Fail of father/daughter scene.

Fail main football game scene.

Fail of half time show scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

I hate these stupid movies. For the love of god Hollywood, stop making more of them.

Who's Your Caddy, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Don Michael Paul, Bradley Allenstein, Robert Henny

Director: Don Michael Paul

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

"Your eggs aren't getting any fresher. Sweet potato pie?" Excellent line, good delivery.

Plot: A country club wants to deny membership to a rapper.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Good acting by Jeffrey Jones.

Excellent acting by Jennifer Lewis as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Terrible writing and acting.

Fail of music content, which is ironic since the character is a rapper.

An older White man with super young hot wife. We'll see how those movies play in 2018 after the MeToo movement.

Kudos to the solution of the old White men. Exactly how it’s done in reality.

People wonder where rap went wrong. I recommend that they watch this movie to find out.

Fail of crash landing scene.

Excellent naked bathroom scene.

Fail of dinner scene and speaking in tongues.

White men using them to destroy successful Black people. Sadly, that’s an accepted strategy.

Fail of bomb party scene.

Black people can play polo. That's news to me. You learn something new every day.

Fail of beating up scene.

Fail of last big golf game.

Fail of home video flashbacks.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $6 million proves that God DOES exist.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Daddy Day Camp, 2007: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Geoff Rodkey, J. David Stem, David N. Weiss

Director: Fred Savage

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue. Lazy writing.

Plot: A day camp wants to run another day camp out of business.

Story: Family, Character, Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Fail of most child actors. Not their fault, just saying.

Comments:

Good kitchen intro.

Still clawing at the cake. Jokes.

Decent couple's talk scene.

Hey, Brian Doyle-Murray from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (1989).

Fail of toilet scene and American Pie music.

Did you take your Xanax. Well done…

Sorry, but kids yelling and screaming doesn't do anything for the audience. It's bedlam. Got it. Move along please.

Excellent toilet explosion scene.

Decent couple talking scenes, but nothing to write home about.

Fail of all father scenes. Too corny and weak. Fail of writing and acting.

Conservative father and liberal p*ssy son. Nuff said.

Fail of throwing food scene.

A man in underwear with young kids watching. Yah…that wouldn't pass today.

Canola parents. Good line, fail in delivery.

Fail of banker/house scene.

Lovely camp bonding scenes.

Fail of boy trying to get the girl scenes.

Decent pre-climax scene.

Fail of tug of war scene. Wasted comedy potential.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Fail of writing. This movie was not written by a comedy writer. If it was, that's just sad.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Last Legion, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Jez Butterworth, Tom Butterworth, Carlo Carlei, Peter Rader

Director: Doug Lefler

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A military faction wants to overthrow Rome.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Good acting by Colin Firth.

Comments:

Fail of narrated intro.

Magic. Really?

Fail of street thief scene.

Magical wise man. Oh dear.

The blood of Caesar in his veins. Oh dear.

Hey, the guy who played Jorah Mormon from Game of Thrones (Iain Glen). Nice to see you again.

Fail of boy as emperor. What a joke.

A wise man never asks what another man serves. Get the f*ck outta here.

Fail of all wise man scenes.

Terrible writing.

All out battle already? I thought it was a dream.

Complete fail of all scenes after and prior of course.

Hey, the guy who played Dr. Basher on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and the prince in Game of Thrones (Alexander Siddig). Always a pleasure. You keep getting these small parts. Well done. But I think your potential has yet to be fully tapped.

Fail of throne room scenes.

Christ, this is garbage writing. Does anyone know what they're doing?

Ah…the super hot East Indian beauty. Of course.

Fail of all prison scenes.

Fail of all music content.

At least the old man has some skill.

Fail of battle scenes.

Fail of strategy scene.

A man backhanding a woman. Of course. Have to remind women of their place. Well done Hollywood.

Good stabbing scene. The best 2 seconds of the movie.

Fail of all castle scenes.

Fail of the masked man.

Good practicing scene.

Fail of speech scene.

Fail of climax battle scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made only $25 million proves that God DOES exist.

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

3:10 to Yuma, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Halsted Welles, Michael Brandt, Derek Haas

Director: James Mangold

Dialogue: Fail

"Even bad men love their mama's" Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: Debt collectors want to destroy a man's farm.

Story: Character, Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting around.

Excellent acting by Christian Bale.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Another period piece. Oh course.

Good cinematography throughout.

Decent first battle scene.

Fail of all acting all around. It destroys the suspension of disbelief.

Excellent bar scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of home dinner scene.

Fail of campfire scenes throughout.

Fail of burning coach scene.

Good rescue scene.

Fail of hotel scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Are We Done Yet, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Hank Nelken

Director: Steve Carr

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man wants a better life for his family.

Story: Ambition, Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of animated intro.

Decent house scene.

Fail of bar scene.

A part time midwife. Oh dear.

Decent house showing scene.

That’s a nice bathroom.

Fail of moving scene.

Good table fall apart scene.

Characters too weak. The previous movie barely passed.

Fail of Chuck character. Doesn't work.

Fail of repairman scenes.

Fail of roof scene.

Fail of repair scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of fight scene.

Brazilian dance martial arts (capoeira). Oh my god. I haven't seen that style since the 1993 movie Only
the Strong with Mark Dacascos. What a blast from the past.

Fail of lonely house repair scenes.

Fail of fishing scene.

Decent climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Death Sentence, 2007: PASS

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Ian Mackenzie Jeffers

Director: James Wan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A gang member wants to kill someone for initiation.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by John Goodman as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good gas station scene.

Good home scenes with music.

Good lawyer/court scene.

Good gang scenes throughout.

Vigilante justice. Well done.

Music content a bit too overdramatic.

Fail of execution scene.

You didn't expect blowback? Really?

Good rooftop parking garage.

And now he needs the police?

Good home invasion scene.

Good hospital scene.

Excellent gun office deal scene.

Good prep scenes.

Good climax fight scene.

Good ending.

Should have made at least Potential Profit, but I can understand why it didn't.
---------------------------

Next, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Gary Goldman, Jonathan Hensleigh, Paul Bernbaum

Director: Lee Tamahori

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Terrorists want to blow up a bomb.

Story: Relationships, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of performance scenes throughout.

Fail of almost all scenes. Too stupid.

This movie wouldn't have been made without Nicholas Cage’s star power. Should have been direct to video/streaming.

"Once you enter his consciousness he can pick it up." Oh dear.

Fail of parking lot kill scene.

Fail of diner scene.

Fail of all investigative scenes throughout.

Fail of all terrorist scenes throughout.

Nice future visualizations, but doesn't work.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Reno 911! Miami, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney-Silver

Director: Robert Ben Garant

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Terrorists want to infect cops at a conference.

Story: Character, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Powerfully stupid.

Fail of every scene. Christ it's garbage.

Fail of all cop office scenes.

Fail of bus scene.

Fail of arrival conference scene.

Fail of all conference scenes.

Was that Jurassic Park music in the command center entrance?

An alligator. Wow?

Good alligator scene.

Fail of beach scene.

Fail of cop abduction scene. Too stupid.

Fail of decontamination scene.

Fail of whale scene.

Fail of boat hostage scene.

Fail of all command center scenes.

Fail of rap mansion scene.

Fail of sex scene.

Complete fail of writing, directing, acting, cinematography.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $25 million proves that God DOES exist.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Brothers Solomon, 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Will Forte

Director: Bob Odenkirk

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Brothers want to get their dad out of a coma.

Story: Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of grocery store scene.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of date scenes throughout.

Was this supposed to be a comedy? Oh dear.

Fail of all scenes.

One of the dumbest movies on the planet.

How did this movie get a wide release? Should have been direct to video/streaming.

Fail of Lamaze class scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made only $1 million proves that God DOES exist.

The Kingdom, 2007: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Matthew Michael Carnahan

Director: Peter Berg

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Saudi terrorists want Americans to leave Saudi Arabia.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Ashraf Barhom.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent baseball scene.

Fail of briefing scene.

Good Saudi interrogation scene.

Decent boardroom scene.

An American flag on a house? Don’t show that to liberals during the Trump administration. It will trigger them.

It's not Trump's America or Trump's flag. Liberals, take back our most enduring symbol

'Time For My Flag to Go Up': How Anti-Trumpers Are Reclaiming the American Flag

The Changing Meaning of the American Flag Under Trump

And let's not forget BLM and the American flag under the Trump administration.

Protesters burn an American flag hanging outside Portland Justice Center and replace it with a Black Lives Matter sign

Protesters burn Bible, American flag as tensions rise in Portland

Good SUV talk scene.

Good prince scene.

Weak airplane scene.

Good arrival scene.

Good FBI office talk scene.

Good investigative scenes throughout.

Good White guy house scene.

Good breach scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

Good movie. Didn't need Jamie Foxx to sell it.

Should have made more money. But Americans can't stand movies about Muslim extremists.

The Brave One, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Roderick Taylor, Bruce A. Taylor, Cynthia Mort

Director: Neil Jordan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Thugs want to kill a couple in the park.

Story: Character, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of narrated intro.

Who walks in the park at night? You're just begging to be mugged, raped or killed.

Fail of hospital scene.

Kudos to black market for guns for women. Well done. Just remember, liberals want you victimized and disempowered.

Fail of almost all scenes. Just doesn't work. Fail of writing and acting.

A White woman taking matters into her own hand? I love it. Just not with Jodie Foster.

Good train scene.

Fail of all investigative scenes throughout.

They shouldn't have this much difficulty finding her.

Fail of radio scenes throughout.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Condemned, 2007: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Commercial Failure)

Writer: Scott Wiper, Rob Hedden

Director: Scott Wiper

Dialogue: Fail

Some of the worst dialogue of all time.

Plot: A billionaire wants to broadcast a fight to the death.

Story: Ambition, Survival

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of prison intro.

Fail of every scene. Powerfully stupid movie.

Yes, let's broadcast snuff movies.

Fail of music content.

Complete fail of dialogue, writing, characters, directing.

Fail of setup scenes throughout.

Fail of media interview.

Fail of all prison scenes.

Fail of airport scenes.

Fail of plane scene.

Fail of all island scenes.

And the pretty blonde isn't smiling and laughing at all the death. Oh…what a change of character.

Fail of betting scene.

Fail of all fighting scenes.

Were the studio executives, producers and writer on crack cocaine when making this movie? Because it would explain a lot.

Fail of all FBI scenes.

Fail of house scenes.

Fail of bar realization scenes.

Ah…beating the sh*t out of a woman. Well done Hollywood. And people wonder why sexism still exists. Because Hollywood is sexist and sees women as inferior beings to service powerful "liberal" men sexually, and then to be disposed of when they “become a problem.”

Fail of FBI office scene.

Oh…now the pretty blonde voices her discontent and gets slapped around for it.

If we are to believe that adult women have agency like men, then they're also to blame for allowing men to use them like garbage.

And everyone's now watching it. Of course.

"You promised you'd take care of us." What? Are these people children?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

***Do not watch this movie. Should only be watched as a reference in how NOT to make a movie.

One of the worst movies of all time. Holy f*ck. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made less than $10 million proves that God DOES exist.

How did this movie get released in over 2000 theatres?

Underdog, 2007: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Joe Piscatella, Adam Rifkin, Craig A. Williams

Director: Frederik Du Chau

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dog dialogue. Weak.

Plot: A mad scientist wants to genetically modify dogs.

Story: Character, Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of dog voice actor.

Comments:

Fail of overzealous court intro. Too unbelievable.

Fail of reception scene.

Ah…training vs. genetics. Nature (artificially enhanced) vs. nurture.

Fail of lab scene.

Decent house scenes.

Uh…he said he'll take him back to the pound. Then he says give him a chance. What?

Fail of principal scene.

Fail of mailman scene.

Will Disney ever stop doing these human understanding/dog talking movies?

Oh…the Polly dog is so cute.

Oh dear, we’ve gone beyond suspension of disbelief.

Fail of dog rescue scenes.

Ah…the mad scientist and idiot side kick. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. This is the latter.

Fail of sewer scene.

I almost expected the dog to go Super Saiyan.

Fail of jewelry heist scene.

And we've now moved into stupid comedy.

Fail of all super dog scenes throughout.

Fail of grandma scene.

Fail of music content throughout.

Fail of talking German Shepherd scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good bark/fur scene. The only decent scene.

Fail of ending.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (Director's Cut), 2007: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Judd Apatow, Jake Kasdan

Director: Jake Kasdan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants to be a musician.

Story: Ambition, Character, Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Horrible acting throughout.

Fail of John C. Reilly’s acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of young child house scene.

Fail of young adult scene.

Fail of stage performance scenes throughout. Powerfully stupid.

Fail of recording scene.

Fail of all scenes.

Complete garbage writing, directing, acting.

Mother goes right out the window. Jokes.

Good caught cheating scene. Best scene of the movie.

Fail of all sex scenes throughout.

Fail of mediation scene.

Fail of cartoon scene.

With 3 women. Wow, you’ve got balls.

Fail of barn scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Good lap dance scene on stage.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movies shouldn’t have made $1.00. Thankfully it was an Epic Commercial Failure, which proves that God DOES exist.

War, 2007: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Lee Anthony Smith, Gregory J. Bradley

Director: Philip G. Atwell

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Japanese mafia wants to kill FBI agents.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Excellent Kira Yanagawa character.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Devon Aoki.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Decent attack scene.

Decent family attack scene.

Excellent mafia house scenes throughout. Very well done. Very realistic.

Decent investigative scene.

Good intel scenes throughout.

Excellent Rogue scenes throughout. Very well done.

Good writing, directing, acting.

Solid movie.

Good Japanese house scenes throughout.

Excellent transport scene.

Good diner scene.

Excellent empowered smoking hot daughter character (Devon Aoki). Wow.

Good motorcycle scene.

Excellent match/cigarette car scene. Very well done.

Good tea house attack scene.

Decent daughter/rogue scene.

Good house attack scene.

Good FBI car dealership scene.

Excellent boss fight scene.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

Should have made more money.

The Nanny Diaries, 2007: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini

Director: Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A woman wants a better life.

Story: Purpose

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Belong to a strange beautiful woman. Smart boy.

Ah…the struggles of mid income and rich White women. Cry me a river.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Too much narration throughout.

Hey, the guy who plays Captain America (Chris Evans) and with Scarlett Johansson. F*ck me.

Fail of almost all nanny scenes throughout.

A nanny seminar. What?

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Good climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

American Gangster, 2007: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Steven Zaillian

Director: Ridley Scott

Dialogue: Pass

"Now, you can live life rich in jail for the rest of your boring days, or be poor outside for some." Good line and delivery.

Plot: A Black businessman wants to sell drugs in a city.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Denzel Washington.

Comments:

Good intro.

Decent cop scene.

Fail of stakeout scene.

Fail of flashback scenes.

Good diner scene.

Fail of park cop scene.

Excellent drug Vietnam scenes throughout. Very well done.

Fail of apartment dead scene.

Fail of ambulance scene.

How long has the US military been smuggling drugs into the US? The day the US first began.

Good drug retrieval scene.

Good drug distribution scenes throughout.

Black people destroying the Black community. Yup, sounds about right.

Good music content.

Good lawyer sex scene.

Excellent diner/street scene.

Decent club scene.

Good investigative scenes throughout.

Good piano kill scene.

Excellent Italian mob scene.

Good club scene.

Good cop scene.

Decent court scene.

Good street scene.

Good plane search scene.

Good writing, directing, acting, cinematography.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

I'm surprised that it was based on a true story.

One of the best movies of all time.

Blades of Glory, 2007: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: John Altschuler, Jeff Cox, Craig Cox, Dave Krinsky

Director: Josh Gordon, Will Speck

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Officials want to ban skaters for life.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Fail of Will Arnett’s acting.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Excellent skating scenes throughout.

Quaaludes. Ah…the drug that Bill Cosby would forever be associated with.

2 songs already. How much was the music clearance bill? Must be pretty high.

Decent past scene of pair.

Good podium fight scene.

Decent council scene.

Fail of limo scene. Too stupid.

Decent drunken kids show scene.

Decent fight scene.

Decent jail scene.

Kristi Yamaguchi. That's a blast from the past. What about Kurt Browning and the usurper Elvis Stoiko?

Interesting solution.

Fail of bad family house scene.

Excellent ice skating/non ice training scene.

Good house talk scene.

Good lotus demo scene.

Decent dating scene.

Terrible bad family scenes, but excellent good guys scenes.

Good sex addict scene.

Fail of capture scene.

Fail of bathroom scene.

Fail of chase scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent talking entrance.

Good ending.

Powerfully stupid last few seconds, but the comedy is enough to pass.

Passed with 4 writers. Rare. Kudos.

Continued in Part 2.