Hollywood Movie Review Series:

*Movies are in no particular order. Please use Crtl F on your keyboard to find a particular movie. Movies that got a wide release in the year after their first screening are listed in the next year. For example, 300 (2006) is listed in 2007 because it only got a wide release in 2007.

*Don't worry about spoilers. You can read the review of any movie without being afraid of spoilers and enjoy the movie if you watch it. I intentionally made sure not to ruin a movie by revealing a hidden plot or hidden climax scene. I simply pass or fail each scene and comment on them.

The Matrix: Reloaded, 2003 The Matrix Reloaded, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Director: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue throughout.

"…but if you already know, how can I make a choice?" "Because you didn't come here to make the choice. You've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it." Good line and delivery.

"Comprehension is not a requisite of cooperation." Decent line, good delivery.

Plot: Machines want to destroy humanity.

Story: Purpose, Survival

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters. But would have liked to see more empowered female characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting all around.

Excellent acting by Carrie-Anne Moss.

Excellent acting by Hugo Weaving.

Excellent acting by Lambert Wilson.

Comments:

Excellent intro scene.

Excellent first fight scene.

Daniel Bernhardt as an agent. Nice to see you again sir.

Excellent white light command center contrast with reality.

Excellent Zion scenes throughout.

Excellent cave dance scene and music content. Very Well done.

Excellent Chinese market fight scene.

Excellent energy perception shots throughout.

Excellent park fight scene.

Excellent restaurant scene.

Excellent ballroom fight scene.

Excellent highway fight scene, excellent cinematography for highway scene. I wonder how much that one cost.

Excellent architect explanation scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Excellent dialogue, writing, acting, characters, cinematography, music content, and directing.

One of the best movies of all time.

The Matrix: Revolutions, 2003 The Matrix Revolutions, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Director: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski

Dialogue: Pass

"If it's our time to die, it's our time." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: Machines want to destroy humanity.

Story: Purpose, Survival

Characters: Pass

All characters are excellent.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Good club scene fight.

Excellent club speech scene.

Excellent Smith apartment scene. Excellent energy shot.

Good Zion scenes throughout.

Excellent Smith/Neo scene.

Fail of machine warrior march. Too corny. Fail in directing.

Excellent firepower scene.

Excellent energetic shots of machine home.

The sentinels look so cute and peaceful when they're not maiming people.

Excellent climax fighting scene.

Good ending.

I look forward to the reboot. Hopefully it’s about the backstory and the previous versions of the Matrix. Not that 2003 animated sh*t, The Animatrix.
----------------------------------------------

Something's Gotta Give, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Nancy Meyers

Director: Nancy Meyers

Dialogue: Pass

"He's not a burglar, he's dating my daughter."

Plot: A woman wants to date an older man.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Diane Keaton as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of car scene.

An older man screwing super young women. I don't think Hollywood will be pushing those movies out after the MeToo movement.

Excellent kitchen scene. Very well done.

Good grocery store scene.

Good dinner scene. Very true.

Excellent hospital scene.

Decent naked scene.

Good sex scene.

Excellent Diane Keaton scenes throughout.

Decent dinner scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Good writing, dialogue, acting, directing.

The Hours, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: David Hare

Director: Stephen Daldry

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue from all three characters.

Plot: Various women want a better life.

Story: Purpose

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Meryl Streep as usual.

Fail of Ed Harris’ acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Good switching of home scenes throughout. Good writing and directing.

Good music content throughout.

Hey, the woman from The West Wing (Allison Janney). Nice to see you again.

Excellent non-linear plot.

Good kitchen breakdown scene.

Fail of kitchen scene.

Good flower scene.

Ed Harris’ acting kills the scene. Terrible acting. What was the studio thinking in casting him?

Good Virginia Woolf scenes throughout. Wow, I couldn’t even tell that it was Nicole Kidman.

Weak Laura Brown scenes throughout.

Fail of breakdown scene.

Good car scene.

Good train station scene.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

About Schmidt, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Director: Alexander Payne

Dialogue: Fail

Dry and weak dialogue throughout.

Plot: A man wants a better retirement life.

Story: Purpose, Family

Characters: Pass

Good son in-law and mother characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Kathy Bates as usual.

Good acting by Jack Nicholson.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Movie is too flat and boring.

Fail of party scene.

Fail of bedroom scene.

Fail of RV/living room scene.

Fail of office scene.

Good narration throughout.

Good flashback scene.

Good funeral scene.

Fail of investment scene.

Ah…the problems when you only have one child.

Decent father daughter scene.

Ah…the casket problem. Shaming people for choosing the cheapest one. As if in death it matters. But it matters to people who can’t live without gossip.

Fail of scenes, but the narration makes it palpable.

Good realization scene.

Decent road trip scene.

Ah…RV people. Weird people, but understandable.

Excellent living room.

Good dinner scene.

Good bedroom scene.

Decent dinner scene.

Good hot tub scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Scary Movie 3, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Craig Mazin, Pat Proft

Director: David Zucker

Dialogue: Pass

"Jesus Christ lady, I'm giving you 7 friggin days. I can come over there now and kill the sh*t out of you
if you'd rather have that." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: An evil girl wants to kill people.

Story: Family, Survival

Characters: Pass

Good characters all around.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Charlie Sheen.

Comments:

Excellent intro. Very well done.

Dogs smoking up. Jokes.

Attack here sign. Jokes.

Fail of newsroom scene.

Fail of Eminem parody scene.

Fail of school scene.

Excellent priest scene.

Decent rap scene.

Miracle whip on Wonder bread. Jokes.

Excellent hood scene.

Good ring fight scene.

Excellent truck tree scene.

Excellent Sixth Sense parody scene.

Excellent funeral home scene.

Good Matrix parody scene.

Excellent Matrix vs. Ring scene.

Good house daughter scene.

Excellent news room scene.

Ja Rule. Oh dear.

Fail of architect scene.

Fail of white house scene.

Good basement scene.

Redman. Oh dear.

Good climax scene.

Decent ending.

Not as good as the first or second Scary Movie.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Extended Edition), 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson

Director: Peter Jackson

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A dark lord wants a ring to rule the world.

Story: Ethics, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Billy Boyd.

Comments:

Excellent past intro scene.

King/Gandof/Saruman scene not necessary.

Good bar scene.

Excellent Gollum water scene.

Fail of slow motion Pippin ball scene.

Gold elf forest scene.

Beautiful Minas Tirith city.

Good battle scene.

Excellent steward talk/battle scene.

Good tent speech scene.

Good ghost cave scene.

Excellent pre-battle/battle scene.

Excellent giant spider scene.

Good battle speech scene.

And the enemy drags in the poor elephants.

Excellent Nazgul single combat scene.

Good pre-climax battle.

Good speech scene.

Excellent dual climax scene.

Excellent ending.

3 writers and it passed. Kudos.

X2: X-Men United, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Michael Dougherty, Dan Harris, David Hayter

Director: Bryan Singer

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A group wants to kill mutants.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent white house intro with excellent music. Very well done.

Good mall scene.

Excellent White House scene.

Kelly Hu from Martial Law. Nice to see you again.

Good jail scene.

Excellent cerebro scene.

Good office scene.

Fail of church scene.

Excellent mansion attack scene. Very well done.

Good bar/bathroom scene.

Good house scene.

Good jail scene.

A bullet to the head. Well done.

Good air attack scene.

Fail of forest scene.

Good base attack scene.

Good Xavier visualization scene.

Excellent climax fight scene.

Jean jet scene doesn't make sense but...

Good ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Kudos.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio

Director: Gore Verbinski

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A pirate wants to undo a curse.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Keira Knightley.

Excellent acting by Johnny Depp as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good room scene.

Pulls off the candle. Jokes.

Excellent Jack Sparrow entrance.

Excellent music content.

Good two idiot scene.

Good water scene.

Excellent hostage scene.

Excellent blacksmith fight scene.

Good jail scene.

Good pirate attack.

Good ship scene.

Good jail scene.

Good ship scene.

Excellent barn scene.

Good night pirate scene.

Good ship scenes throughout.

Good boat cavern scene.

Good gold/cavern scene.

Good boat scene.

Excellent ship battle scene.

Excellent island scene.

Good gold cavern scene again.

Good climax fight scene.

Good ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Kate Kondell

Director: Charles Herman-Wurmfeld

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A lawyer wants to stop animal testing by cosmetic companies.

Story: Ethics, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Stop looking directly into the camera.

After court shot, again looking directly in the camera. Terrible.

Fail of montage scene.

Tracking down a dog's mother to send the wedding invitation. Really?

Fail of almost all scenes. garbage writing.

Wow, the rich dumb blonde cliché really plays well in this movie.

Fail of most scenes.

Best scene was about the dog.

Legally Blonde 2 (8/11) Movie CLIP - Gay Dogs (2003)

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: John Brancato, Michael Ferris

Director: Jonathan Mostow

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Machines want to kill people.

Story: Survival, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Fail of Nick Stahl’s acting. Wrong actor for the role.

Excellent acting by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Excellent dream scene. great advanced tech.

Excellent terminator woman scenes throughout. Very well done.

Good military scene.

Excellent strip club scene. Very well done.

Excellent truck pet shop scene.

Odd that they can't hear a heartbeat, but I'll let it pass.

Good remote control AI vehicle scenes.

Excellent chase scene.

Good special effects throughout.

"Relax." Jokes.

Good car scenes.

Excellent graveyard scene.

Good police driving scene.

Excellent psychiatrist scene. Well done.

Graveyard shoot-out (Dr. Silberman appearance) - Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Excellent chase scene.

Fail of trailer road scene. Explaining everything so directly? Weak writing.

Good RV talk scene.

Good pre-climax scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

This movie should have made more money. Not one of the best movies of all time, but a solid movie.

American Wedding, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Adam Herz

Director: Jesse Dylan

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A young couple wants to get married.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent restaurant scene.

Excellent dog sex party scene.

Good gay bar scene.

Good bathroom scene.

Excellent bachelor party scene.

Good pubic hair scene.

Good grandma scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent granny Stifler closet scene.

Excellent ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

2 Fast 2 Furious, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Michael Brandt, Derek Haas

Director: John Singleton

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible corny dialogue throughout.

Terrible police dialogue.

Plot: A cartel wants to smuggle drugs and money into the US.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Terrible characters.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Paul Walker’s acting.

Comments:

Starting off with women as sex objects. I wonder if the next movie in the MeToo era will be just as degrading or whether feminists will interpret it as empowerment. Only time will tell.

Fail of intro. I expected something more.

Drivers for the solution. Oh dear god.

At least there are supporting visible minorities.

Fail of second thought scene outside police.

Fail of cinematography for staring/racing moment.

Fail of highway race scene.

Good music content. How much was the music clearance bill?

Fail of meet up boss scene.

And now we're back to women as eye candy. Excellent. Very empowering.

Second race-off was better.

Fail of torture scene.

A Scottish kilt on a beautiful Asian woman. Dangerous. Well done. Christ.

Good climax scene.

I wonder how much that crash scene cost.

Decent ending for a Fast and Furious movie.

Kill Bill Vol. 1, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Quentin Tarantino

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A former assassin wants to kill her old crew.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Excellent intro.

Excellent house fight scene.

Good non-linear plot.

Good hospital scenes throughout.

Excellent animation backstory scene.

Decent Japanese shop scenes throughout.

Excellent cinematography.

Excellent O-Ren scenes throughout.

Excellent slow motion restaurant entrance with music content.

Excellent restaurant fight scene.

Excellent fighting choreography. Aside from Jackie Chan, this is the fight choreographer you want for your next fighting blockbuster movie.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Shanghai Knights, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Alfred Gough, Miles Millar

Director: David Dobkin

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A White man wants to steal an imperial seal from China.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Fann Wong.

Comments:

Beautiful intro scenery wide angle shot.

Excellent intro.

Decent hotel scene.

Fail of parliament scene. Can you imagine not having the internet and relying on a person's word today? Oh dear god.

Excellent street fight. Excellent use of umbrellas.

Fail of sister plot. Weak writing.

Spotted dick. Jokes.

Good house snooping scene.

Excellent vase scene.

Excellent use of visible minorities.

Excellent dream scene.

Weak writing but enough comedy to pass.

Fail of bridge killer scene. Wasted comedy potential.

Excellent underwater scene.

Excellent climax fight scene.

Good sword fight.

Weak ending.

A Guy Thing, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Greg Glienna, Pete Schwaba, Matt Tarses, Bill Wrubel

Director: Chris Koch

Dialogue: Pass

"I do not have crabs." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: A man wants to cover up his bachelor party.

Story: Relationships, Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Julia Stiles as usual. I'd like to see Stiles in more complex roles.

Excellent acting by Jason Lee.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Excellent morning after scene.

Good toll route scene.

Fail of board scene.

Decent convenience store scene.

Excellent house scene.

Excellent CD store scene. Crabs. Jokes. Very well done.

Excellent music content and effects. Well done.

Good visualization scene.

Underwear bins. Jokes.

Hiding from the dog. Jokes.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Should have made more money.

Ladies, if you expect perfection, stick to women. Men will always fall short of your idea of perfection.

Passed with 4 writers. Impressive.

Anger Management, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: David S. Dorfman

Director: Peter Segal

Dialogue: Fail

Boring self-help dialogue.

Plot: A man wants a better life.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Jack Nicholson’s acting. Disappointed.

Comments:

Good intro. Ah…the good times.

Ah…the cruelty of kids. Very well done.

Good air scene.

Fail of anger management scenes throughout.

Ah...a man pining away after his ex. Well done.

Good bar fight scene.

Fail of court scenes throughout.

Solution too unbelievable and stupid to be funny.

Fail of all scenes after.

Fail of car scene.

Fail of office scenes throughout.

Fail of prostitute scene.

Fail of parking garage roof scene.

Fail of bar scene.

Fail of monk scenes. complete garbage.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Powerfully stupid movie.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: John August, Cormac Wibberley, Marianne Wibberley

Director: Joseph McGinty Nichol

Dialogue: Pass

Excellent dialogue except for Madison Lee character.

Plot: A terrorist wants to steal witness protection names.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Good characters

Fail of Madison Lee character.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting all around.

Comments:

Excellent intro.

That first hostel scene looks very expensive.

Good attempted fight scene.

Unbelievable plane scene but....

Excellent intro of 3 agents.

Excellent hammer time parody scene.

I didn't know Cameron Diaz could dance. F*ck me. Well done.

Decent briefing scene.

Excellent CSI parody.

Decent father scene.

Excellent beach scene. Got any wax. Jokes.

Demi Moore. What a blast from the past.

Pounded, wet for hours. Jokes.

Excellent motorcycle scene.

Oh my god, a young Shia Labeouf. I didn't see that coming.

Good flashback scene.

Good mom house scene.

Good nun scene.

Fail of flashback scene.

Good house scene.

What was the music clearance bill? It must have been expensive.

Good women performance scene.

Fail of forklift scene.

Good dock fight scene.

Good boys washroom scene.

Good party dance scene.

Good office scene.

Good road scene.

Decent bar scene.

Fail of fight scene.

Fail of office scene.

Decent climax fight scene.

Good ending.

Bad Santa, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa

Director: Terry Zwigoff

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Thieves wants to rob a mall during Christmas season.

Story: Purpose

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of all acting.

Comments:

Decent intro.

Fail of Santa scene.

Fail of mall thief scene.

Fail of all mall Santa scenes throughout.

Fail of hot waitress character and scenes throughout. Ridiculous.

A hot waitress screws a deadbeat Santa with no hope. A nice Hollywood fantasy. Sadly, feminists today would interpret her action as empowering. What a joke.

Fail of parking lot scene.

Fail of chubby boy scene.

Fail of all office talk scenes throughout.

Thrusting on a teenage girl. Holy f*ck. I think that would count as pedophilia.

Billy Bob Thornton thrusting on teenage girl bad santa 2003

Someone should...call the police. Note, Bob Weinstein is an executive producer for this movie.

Fail of bar talk scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Almost as if the movie was made just so male celebrities could get laid. Sometimes, pretend sex on-camera turns into real sex off-camera. Either before or after shooting.

Bruce Almighty, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Steve Koren, Steve Oedekerk

Director: Tom Shadyac

Dialogue: Pass

"Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack man?" Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: A reporter wants to be an anchorman.

Story: Relationships, Purpose, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good slow motion scene.

Excellent house scenes throughout.

Good car scene.

Decent blowup scene.

Decent beat up scene.

Good coincidence scene.

Excellent god scenes throughout.

Excellent alley scene.

Oh...the German shepherd is so cute and loving.

Good anchor scene.

Excellent post it note scene.

Good anchor scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Bulletproof Monk, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris

Director: Paul Hunter

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue.

Plot: Nazis want a hidden scroll to rule the world.

Story: Ambition, Ethics, Purpose

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of attack monastery scene.

Is that a TTC train? Yes it is. This was filmed in Toronto. Thank you. The Canadian film industry can't exist without you. Sadly, Canada doesn’t have a real film industry of its own. How shameful.

Decent track scene. But just so you know, trains don't come in that fast anymore. Too many suicides.

Dialogue is just terrible.

Who steals from a guy that saves a girl's life?

Fail of underground gang scene.

Fail of all fight scenes. just garbage.

Good old man character.

Fail of movie theater scenes throughout.

In 10 years there will only be one or two companies that own all theaters. No small ones. We’re getting there in 2021.

Fail of almost every scene. Complete fail of writing.

Did it have to be a White guy to be the savior of the world? Sigh.

Decent museum scene.

Fail of all Neo-Nazi scenes. Too stupid.

Fail of scroll plot. Powerfully stupid.

Fail of attack scene.

Fail of Buddhist scene.

Good training scene.

Fail of attack scene.

Fail of torture scene.

Fail of house fight scene.

Fail of every scene.

Good dog monk scene. Could have drawn it out longer.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Big Fish, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: John August

Director: Tim Burton

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A man wants to reflect on his family's life.

Story: Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

A stupid funny drama. Sigh.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of non-linear scenes throughout.

There's no plot to this movie.

A giant. Oh dear.

Fail of fantasy land scenes throughout.

Fail of all circus scenes throughout.

Good beat up scene.

Good bathroom death scene.

Fail of military scenes throughout.

Nice creativity, but doesn't work.

Fail of bank robbery scene.

A bank that's bankrupt. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $100 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Daddy Day Care, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Geoff Rodkey

Director: Steve Carr

Dialogue: Pass

"Looks can be deceiving? We're in a trailer park." Good line, excellent delivery.

Plot: A father wants to figure out daycare for his child.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good kitchen scene.

Excellent focus group scene. Throwing cereal at the window. Jokes.

Decent private school scene.

Good daycare search scenes throughout.

Good park scene.

Good grocery store scene.

Good daycare drop off scene.

How about money. Jokes.

Excellent home daycare scenes throughout.

Relax the face. Jokes.

Excellent horror bathroom scene. Very well done with the music.

Good inspection scenes throughout.

Good private school scene.

Oh…the bunny is so cute.

Good huge dog scene.

Lacey Chambert. Wow. What a blast from the past.

Good opening scene.

Ah…the evils of marketing sugary foods. I hope there's a special place in hell for these people. But I would bet money that all corrupt and scummy people actually get rewarded in the afterlife. Inversion of reality. That’s how real occultism works.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Cheaper By the Dozen, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Sam Harper, Joel Cohen, Alec Sokolow

Director: Shawn Levy

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Parents want to live their dream careers.

Story: Family

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Good flashback scenes throughout.

A White couple that wants a large family? Wow, that's almost unheard of today. Except by White Christian families.

Excellent morning/breakfast scene. Only so much lip gloss. Jokes.

Hey, Tom Welling from Smallville. Nice to see you.

Mom throwing her 12 kids pieces of toast. Jokes.

Excellent house scenes throughout.

Good dog scene.

Excellent car transport scenes throughout.

Good bed scene.

Respect the perimeters. Jokes.

Decent kids trick scene.

Fail of music content throughout.

Excellent living room scene.

Soaking his boxers in ground beef. Jokes.

Good school scenes throughout.

Good party scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Impressive.

One of the best movies of all time.

Cold Mountain, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Anthony Minghella

Director: Anthony Minghella

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A US solider wants to be with his love.

Story: Relationships, Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Excellent acting by Renée Zellweger

Fail of Nicole Kidman’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Another period piece. Christ.

Ah…life in the trenches. One aspect of life I’m glad I wasn’t part of.

Decent flashback scenes throughout.

Fail of building talk scene.

Fail of all war scenes throughout.

Fail of music content.

Fail of porch talk scene.

Ah…the pigeon whisperer.

Good life alone scenes of main woman.

First 50 minutes is garbage.

The next half is decent but not enough to pass.

Seymour Hoffman. Wow.

Fail of house scene.

Ah…the bullies and the deserters. The life of conscription in unjust wars. Oddly enough, conscription is still legal in the US, but you can claim conscientious objection.

Fail of ranch bully scene.

Fail of old woman taking care scene.

Disturbing attempted murder of a baby.

Excellent gun man/woman turning around scene. Best scene of the movie.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Daredevil (Directors Cut), 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Mark Steven Johnson

Director: Mark Steven Johnson

Dialogue: Pass

"Hey, that light, at the end of the tunnel...guess what, that's not heaven. That's the C train.” Good line and delivery.

Plot: A mafia boss wants to control a city.

Story: Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Fail of Colin Farrell's acting.

Comments:

Good church intro.

Good bully scene.

Good accident/hospital scene.

Good blind training scenes throughout.

Good court scenes throughout.

Ah…the crazy White biker lifestyle. Dear mother, this is a path I will not tread. God wills it.

Decent bar fight scene.

Good subway scene.

Excellent diner scene.

Good playground fight scene.

A Black kingpin? That's what I'm talking about. Bless your heart Hollywood.

Decent kingpin scenes throughout.

Fail of darts scene.

Fail of all bullseye scenes throughout.

Good rain rooftop scene.

Decent ballroom scene.

Fail of limo attack scene.

Excellent funeral scene with music.

Fail of all Elektra practicing scene.

Decent climax scene, but not enough to pass.

Good ending.

Duplex, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Larry Doyle

Director: Danny DeVito

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A new tenant wants to get rid of an old tenant.

Story: Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Beginning animation not needed.

Decent other couple talk scene.

Good old woman scene.

Excellent parrot scenes throughout.

Good apartment scenes throughout.

She works for a magazine. Oh dear. 10 years in the future and most of the major brands should be gone.

Good convenience store scene.

Good night scenes throughout.

Wow, I remember those old analog TVs. I was born in ‘82.

Excellent bathroom scene.

Excellent CPR scene. Well done.

Excellent toilet scene.

Hospital ball scene could have been much better.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Elf, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: David Berenbaum

Director: Jon Favreau

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: A man doesn't want his dad to be on Santa’s notty list.

Story: Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters

Acting: Fail

Fail of James Caan’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Oh…the baby is so cute and loving.

Fail of all elf/north pole scenes throughout

Everything looks like props. Please shoot at 24 FPS with adequate depth of field.

Fall of all scenes. Too stupid. Beyond suspension of disbelief.

Fail of all regular world scenes throughout.

Decent bathroom scene.

Fail of all father/son scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Gigli, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Martin Brest

Director: Martin Brest

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A mob enforcer wants to strong arm a federal official.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of street scene.

Fail of collecting guy scene.

And Jennifer Lopez just pops in the scene. Oh dear.

Complete failure of all scenes.

Fail of all hostage scenes throughout.

Christopher Walken. Sorry, but even star power can't fix this movie.

Good mother/son scene.

And the lesbian lover. Oh dear god. At least he gets good sex. Well done.

Al Pacino. Holy f*ck. How many stars does it take to kill a movie?

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

$75 million to make. Sony Pictures Releasing has money to burn.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Brian Regan, Burr Steers

Director: Donald Petrie

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two people want a better life.

Story: Relationships, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Print magazines still exist? Oh yah it's a 2003 movie. Another item on the chopping block for the future.

Good meeting scene.

Decent plot and solution.

Good date scenes throughout.

How much is the music clearance bill for this movie?

Photoshop to see what the kids would look like. Jokes.

Good therapy scene.

Good family scenes.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Hulk, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: James Schamus, Michael France, John Turman

Director: Ang Lee

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A crazy scientist wants to be immortal.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Nick Nolte’s acting.

Fail of Sam Elliott’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of lab scenes.

Fail of cinematography. Just terrible.

Fail of hospital scene.

Fail of almost all military scenes throughout.

Fail of all father scenes.

Fail of mutated dog fight scene sent by daddy. Too unbelievable.

It's as if the movie is being made up as it goes.

Fail of music content.

Failure of all special effects.

Fail of multi-collage style of shots. Weird.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $200 million proves that God does NOT exist.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Identity, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Michael Cooney

Director: James Mangold

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Govt wants to execute a psychopath killer.

Story: Character, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by John Cusack.

Comments:

Good intro.

Good rain car scene.

Excellent motel scenes throughout. Wow. Fabulous writing and directing.

Good trial scenes throughout.

Excellent death scenes throughout.

Excellent writing, directing, acting.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

One of the best movies of all time.

Johnny English, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, William Davies

Director: Peter Howitt

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Terrorists want to steal the UK crown jewels.

Story: Character

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Decent to good office scenes throughout.

Throws his jack out the window. Jokes.

The woman (Natalie Imbruglia) is super beautiful and taking away from the movie. I’m only paying attention to her beauty.

Takes his drink. Jokes.

Fail of false beating up scene. Too stupid.

Decent investigative scenes throughout.

Decent chase scene.

Good parking garage scene.

Decent sushi scene.

Decent jump scene.

Henchmen explains the exit. Jokes.

Fail of dance scene.

Threatens to shoot a dog. That's not cool.

Decent infiltration scene.

Good escape scene.

Fail of climax scene. Too stupid.

Good ending.

Passed with 3 writers. Well done.

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, David Mandel

Director: Bo Welch

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to send a child to military school.

Story: Family

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Dakota Fanning.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fantasy world too stupid to be believable. Beyond suspension of disbelief.

Fail of all office scenes. powerfully stupid.

Taiwanese parliament. Jokes.

Fail of all home cat scenes. Powerfully stupid.

Fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

This movie didn't appeal to anyone.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The Italian Job, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Donna Powers, Wayne Powers

Director: F. Gary Gray

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Thieves want to steal gold from other thieves.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent heist prep scenes throughout.

Good op heist scene.

Good betrayal scene.

Good car chase scene.

Decent flashback scene.

Good restaurant meeting scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Robert Rodriguez

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: An inventor wants to control youth.

Story: Ambition, Family, Ethics, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Complete fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Daryl Sabara’s acting.

Fail of Sylvester Stallone’s acting. Not the right actor for the role.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of tree house scene.

Fail of office scene.

Fail of all animation live action scenes.

It's like the movie is being made up as it goes. Sigh.

Beta testers. Oh dear god.

Ricardo Montalbán. Nice to see you. But it’s a sh*tty role.

What is this, Power Rangers? Gundams? Voltron? Voltron predates Power Rangers. But the Gundams predates everything.

Fail of practically every scene.

Nice to see Sylvester Stallone in a kids movie, but still fail of acting.

Fail of office scene.

Elijah Wood. Why?

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $200 million proves that God does NOT exist.

The Lizzie McGuire Movie, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Susan Estelle Jansen, Ed Decter, John J. Strauss

Director: Jim Fall

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A girl wants a better life.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Excellent acting by Alex Borstein.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of grad scene.

Good tour guide scenes throughout.

Fail of all Duff scenes throughout. Fail of writing and acting. Complete garbage.

What is this, an advertisement for Hilary Duff's brand?

Ah…the tragic life of mid income beautiful White people. Oh dear.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $50 million proves that God does NOT exist.

3 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

What a Girl Wants, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Jenny Bicks, Elizabeth Chandler

Director: Dennie Gordon

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue throughout.

Plot: A mother wants to keep her daughter from her estranged father.

Story: Family, Character, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Fail of Kelly Preston’s acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of wedding scene.

A girl and no daddy. Cry me a river.

Fail of almost all London scenes throughout.

Fail of music content.

And she could get in so easily. Really?

Rich White people having flings and unclaimed children. Yup, sounds about right.

Fail of PR scene.

Fail of gate scene.

Fail of royalty life scenes throughout.

Fail of kitchen scene.

Reproducing without a testicle. Jokes.

Fail of all mansion scenes throughout.

That's all you need to have sex with a woman. Play a guitar and have a decent voice and they'll throw themselves at you. And if you're White, they'll throw themselves at you even if they know about the other women you're screwing.

The twins are so chubby and cute.

Uh…so behavior is genetic too. That’s junk science. But not for Hollywood it seems.

Fail of street scene.

Fail of meeting/press scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Agent Cody Banks, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Scott Alexander, Larry Karaszewski, Zack Stentz, Ashley Edward Miller

Director: Harald Zwart

Dialogue: Fail

"Creepy? We're the CIA. That's what we do." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A terrorist group wants to destroy the US military infrastructure.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Smart kids. Bad parenting.

Good rescue scene.

Fail of oil spill solution scene.

Break down silicon or carbon What is this, GI Joe 2009 movie?

Fail of all evil genius scenes throughout.

Fail of briefing scene.

Excellent classroom scene.

Good locker room scene.

Fail of facility scene.

Fail of tech scene.

Good house scene.

Fail of visualization scene.

Decent classroom scenes throughout.

Fail of driving school scene.

Fail of training scene.

Fail of music content throughout.

Fail of all facility training scenes throughout.

15 and driving a sports car. Really?

Fail of all party scenes. Too stupid.

Evil genius characters too cheesy.

Fail of idiot scientist scenes throughout.

Fail of mission impossible scene.

Fail of fight scene. Christ this movie is terrible.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie?

Fail of kitchen scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

4 writers. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Spade, Fred Wolf

Director: Sam Weisman

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A former TV star wants a better life.

Story: Character, Family

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent wrestling scene.

Alyssa Milano. Wow, I haven't seen you since Charmed. Wow.

Fail of valet scene.

Fail of Lamaze class scene.

Corey Feldman. Wow.

Screech from Saved by the Bell (Dustin Diamond). Wow.

This movie is definitely a blast from the past.

Fail of poke scene.

Fail of all agent scenes throughout.

Even an all-star cast can't fix this movie.

Fail of Rob Reiner interview scene.

Fail of residence solution scene.

Fail of all home scenes throughout.

Fail of stroller scene. powerfully stupid.

Fail of school scene.

Water damage is a serious problem.

Sexualizing youth so early. Well done Hollywood.

Fail of dinner scene.

Good backyard duet dance on crutches.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie? Christ.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Bringing Down the House, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Jason Filardi

Director: Adam Shankman

Dialogue: Fail

"Peter, you sound much more intelligent with your mouth shut." Excellent line, good delivery.

Plot: A criminal wants to get her name cleared.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Queen Latifah.

Comments:

Fail of messaging intro.

Michael Rosenbaum from Smallville. Nice to see you again.

Decent board scene.

Decent work scene.

Fail of restaurant scene.

Fail of home scene.

Good lawn scene.

Good morning scene.

Good kitchen family scene.

Fail of house party scene.

Good restaurant scene.

Hey, the guy from Mutant X (Victor Webster). I regret watching so much TV in the past.

Good office scene.

Good girl fight scene.

Good nanny scene.

Decent restaurant scene.

Talking dirty to the vase. Jokes.

Another Mandingo reference. Nicely done.

Good party scene.

Excellent father/daughter scene.

Good wife husband scene.

Good dinner scene. Could have been better.

Fail of car gun scene.

Fail of old woman black man scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Corny movie but passable.

Bad Boys II, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Ron Shelton, Jerry Stahl

Director: Michael Bay

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Cuban drug traffickers want to traffic drugs and control Miami.

Story: Ambition, Relationships, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Fail of bad guy characters.

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good attack scene.

Excellent bullet slow motion cinematography. Very well done.

Good helicopter talk scene.

Fail of club scene.

Good initial couple scene.

Good backyard scene.

Fail of drug money cop woman scene.

Decent car chase scene.

This movie looks quite expensive to make.

Fail of 3 cop talk scene.

Fail of captain office scene.

What was the music clearance bill for this movie?

Rats eating money. Jokes.

Excellent cinematography throughout.

Good electronic store scene.

Fail of all bad guy scenes. Just terrible.

The cinematography was great but the bad guy character made this movie impossible to pass.

Fail of train scene.

Excellent date door scene.

Thundercats. Jokes.

Fail of mortuary scene.

Fail of op scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

National Security, 2003: FAIL

Unknown (most likely Commercial Failure)

Writer: Jay Scherick, David Ronn

Director: Dennis Dugan

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Criminals want to smuggle a metal alloy.

Story: Ambition, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of break in scene.

Fail of training scene.

Fail of bee cop scene. Too stupid.

Why do the characters have to be complete idiots?

Fail of precinct scenes throughout.

Fail of court scene.

Fail of almost all scenes. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of house girl scene.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Love Actually, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Richard Curtis

Director: Richard Curtis

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Various people want to show their love.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters all around.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting all around.

Comments:

Good intro.

Fail of recording scene.

Decent to good scenes throughout.

Fail of chef talk scene.

Lighting for the breasts. Jokes.

Excellent production scenes throughout.

Professor Snape (Alan Rickman). Nice to see you again.

Good work office talk scene.

Fail of DJ jockey scene.

Good boy/father talk scene.

The dodgy end. Good ol’ British speech.

Good prime minister scenes throughout.

Good car scene. Very well done.

Obsessed with his friend's wife. Oh dear.

Very sad institution scene. Well done.

Good door sign scene.

Excellent prime minister kids door scene.

Excellent concert scene.

Excellent multiple climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Lost in Translation, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Sofia Coppola

Director: Sofia Coppola

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two foreigners in Japan want a better life.

Story: Purpose

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Good acting by Scarlett Johanssen.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of most scenes before they meet.

Rip the stockings. Jokes.

Ah…the problems of middle-high income liberal White people. Cry me a river.

Good bar meet scene.

Good non-date scenes throughout.

Fail of karaoke scene.

Good waiting room scene.

Excellent moments of silence and reflection.

Excellent climax scene.

Good ending.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Peter Weir, John Collee

Director: Peter Weir

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A French ship wants to start war.

Story: Ethics, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Russell Crowe as usual.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

How many period pieces can I endure before I crack? Christ.

This movie looks very expensive to make.

Fail to decent ship scenes throughout.

While Russell Crowe’s acting is excellent, it's not enough to pass garbage characters.

Fail of writing.

Fail of all scenes that doesn't involve the Russell Crowe.

Good climax battle scene, but not enough to pass.

Decent ending.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: James Dale Robinson

Director: Stephen Norrington

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A terrorist group wants to incite war.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

A tank in 1899. Uh…in the real world, the first prototypes were created in 1915.

How many period pieces must I endure? An infinite amount.

Fail of lounge scene.

Fail of all fight scenes throughout.

Fail of recruitment scene.

Fail of all characters. Fail of writing.

Women as a distraction. That wouldn’t play well in 2021 in the MeToo era. But then again, they have their own distractions.

Insiders Say #MeToo Powerhouse Time's Up Has Lost Its Way

Tina Tchen resigns from TIME'S UP for role in Cuomo harassment scandal

Embattled Time's Up Announces A 'Major Reset' Post-Cuomo Debacle

I'm almost surprised that Connery doesn't slap the women around like he did in the old Bond movies.

James Bond Slapping Women

The representative is surprised at body armored plating? Really?

Fail of giant sword ship. Too unbelievable.

Is the writer just making things up as they go?

Fail of Jekyll-Hyde transformation scene.

Fail of all ship scenes throughout.

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of all battle scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn’t have made $1.00. The fact that it made almost $200 million proves that God does NOT exist.

The Haunted Mansion, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: David Berenbaum

Director: Rob Minkoff

Dialogue: Pass

"I just know what I like." "Would you like a divorce?" Excellent line, fail in delivery.

Plot: Ghosts want to undo a curse.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Decent house deal scene.

A boy afraid of a spider. Oh dear. Liberal conditioning boys to be p*ssies.

Fail of house scene.

Fail of almost all haunted house scene.

Weak characters, almost no comedy. Fail of writing.

Headstone's singing. Jokes.

Fail of ghost head scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

The Core, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Cooper Layne, John Rogers

Director: Jon Amiel

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: People want to survive a global catastrophe.

Story: Survival

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good lecture scene.

A shuttle landing in downtown LA. Really?

Fail of shuttle scene.

Good explanation scene.

Fail of problem. Liberal propaganda. Environmentalists hate people and want a blank slate for a new start of the planet…without humanity. To be fair, self sacrifice for the planet is an interesting ideology.

Good test solution scene.

Fail of hacker guy scene.

The acting is good but the plot and solution scene is too unbelievable.

Fail of all core scenes throughout.

Good special effects, but not enough to pass.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Monster, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Patty Jenkins

Director: Patty Jenkins

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Two women want a better life.

Story: Relationships, Purpose

Characters: Pass

Excellent characters.

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting by Charlize Theron.

Good acting by Christina Ricci.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of bar scene.

Wow, I've never seen White trash like this.

Good rollerblade scene.

Man beating a woman to death. Well done Hollywood. This is clearly what the world needs.

Fail of interview scene.

Excellent argument scenes throughout. You do what you have to do to survive.

Excellent climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Solid movie.

Paycheck, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Dean Georgaris

Director: John Woo

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: A corporation wants to see the future.

Story: Ambition

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Excellent acting all around.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of slow motion of him falling down. Why is it in slow motion?

Fail of problem.

Too unbelievable. Technology beyond suspension of disbelief.

Fail of music content.

The FBI loses him from a smoke alarm. Really?

Fail of all scenes. Fail of writing.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Mystic River, 2003: PASS

Commercial Success

Writer: Brian Helgeland

Director: Clint Eastwood

Dialogue: Pass

"I ain't your b*tch Dave. Looks like you'll have to wait." "Yeah, but you're someone's b*tch aren't you
Sean?" Excellent line, good and delivery.

Plot: Someone wants to abduct a child.

Story: Character, Ethics, Ambition

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Fail of father/son scene.

Good daughter scene.

Good bridge scene.

Fail of night house scene.

Good store scene.

Good church scene.

Excellent forest scene.

Good hospital scene.

Good investigative scenes throughout.

Decent moratorium scene.

Good wife/husband confession scene.

Good interview scene.

Good stair wife talk scene.

Good climax scene.

Fail of ending. Not the right ending.

Old School, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: Todd Phillips, Scot Armstrong

Director: Todd Phillips

Dialogue: Pass

Good beginning wedding banter.

Plot: A woman wants to cheat on her boyfriend.

Story: Character, Relationships

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good sex home scene.

Liberal women are crazy and will cheat on you. Not girlfriend material, unless it’s an open relationship.

Good wedding church scene.

Good party scene.

Adult man screwing a high school girl. Well done Hollywood. Definite female empowerment.

Elisha Cuthbert? Nice to see you from those Popular Mechanics days. Sad to see your downfall from Hollywood.

Good therapy scene.

Excellent office talk scene.

Good quick abduction scene.

Good hazing d*ck scene.

Good fat guy exercise scene.

Good work scenes throughout.

Good CPR scene.

Good girl pool wrestling scene.

Good climax scene.

Good ending.

Solid comedy movie.

Peter Pan, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: P. J. Hogan

Director: P. J. Hogan

Dialogue: Fail

Complete fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A couple wants to raise their daughter to be a proper young lady.

Story: Character

Characters: Fail

Fail of all main characters.

Acting: Fail

Fail of Jeremy Sumpter's acting.

Good acting by Jason Isaacs.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

The nanny dog is so cute and loving.

Fail of Victorian style of dialogue.

Too much narration in the movie.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

And now they're in space. Oh dear.

Beyond suspension of disbelief, and the audience agreed.

Everything looks like a set and props. Please shoot at 24 FPS with adequate depth of field.

Fail of all hook scenes, but good acting.

Fail of climax scene.

Good ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $120 million proves that God does NOT exist.

Secondhand Lions, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Tim McCanlies

Director: Tim McCanlies

Dialogue: Pass

“A man's body may grow old but inside his spirit can still be as young and restless as ever." Good line, fail in delivery.

Plot: A mother wants her family to raise her son.

Story: Family, Character

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Good intro.

Pig scene is so cute.

Good salesman shooting scene.

Memory scenes don't make sense. Confuses the plot.

Fail of almost all scenes. Fail of writing.

This movie would have passed if it was a comedy or a drama, but not both.

It's as if this movie is being made up as it goes.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Stuck on You, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Failure

Writer: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly

Director: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly

Dialogue: Fail

Plot: Conjoined brothers want a better life.

Story: Ambition, Family, Relationships

Characters: Fail

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Decent intro.

Too stupid. complete fail of everything.

Fail of all restaurant scenes throughout.

Fail of all Hollywood scene.

Fail of interview scenes.

Fail of beach walkway scene.

Fail of all date scenes.

Did you know that the actress who plays May (Wen Yann Shih) filed a lawsuit about being someone's sex slave?

Halle Berry's Lawyer at Center of Bizarre Legal Battle: "Sex Slave" or Stalker?

A blue man. Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Decent ending.

Good bench post-credit scene.

Even all the A-listers in Hollywood couldn't save this movie.

The Last Samurai, 2003: PASS

Potential Profit

Writer: John Logan, Edward Zwick, Marshall Herskovitz

Director: Edward Zwick

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: Japanese govt wants to stop a rebellion.

Story: Character, Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Acting: Pass

Excellent Ken Watanabe acting.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of dinner scene.

Good training scenes throughout.

Decent battle scene.

Excellent village scenes throughout. Very well done.

Excellent writing, acting, directing, music content.

Good ninja attack scene.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Excellent movie.

One of the best movies of all time.

3 writers. Impressive for one of the best movies of all time.

The Recruit, 2003: PASS

Commercial Failure

Writer: Roger Towne, Kurt Wimmer, Mitch Glazer

Director: Roger Donaldson

Dialogue: Pass

Plot: CIA wants to recruit a man.

Story: Ambition, Ethics

Characters: Pass

Solid characters.

Acting: Pass

Good acting all around.

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good recruitment scenes throughout.

Good training scenes throughout.

Gabriel Macht from Suits? You keep popping up everywhere on the big screen. Kudos.

Excellent interrogation scene.

Excellent infiltration/op mission scenes throughout. Very well done.

Good climax scene.

Excellent ending.

Solid movie. Should have made more money.

3 writers and it passed. Kudos.

Timeline, 2003: FAIL

Epic Commercial Failure

Writer: Jeff Maguire, George Nolfi

Director: Richard Donner

Dialogue: Fail

Terrible dialogue

Plot: A company wants to create a time travel device.

Story: Ambition, Family, Ethics

Characters: Fail

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Fail of hospital scene.

Paul Walker. Wow.

Fail of home scene.

Fail of all archeology scenes throughout.

Fail of phone scene.

The corporation shows the archeology team everything. Really?

Powerfully stupid movie. Complete fail of writing, directing, acting.

Only the woman freaks out from a dead body. Always nice to see the stereotypes.

Fail of all medieval scenes throughout. Powerfully stupid.

Fail of killing scene.

Fail of music content.

Fail of scientists arguing in real world scenes throughout.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

One of the worst movies of all time. This movie shouldn't have made $1.00. The fact that it made over $40 million proves that God does NOT exist.

$80 million production budget. Paramount Pictures has money to burn.

Under the Tuscan Sun, 2003: FAIL

Potential Profit

Writer: Audrey Wells

Director: Audrey Wells

Dialogue: Fail

Weak dialogue.

Plot: A man wants to cheat on his wife.

Story: Relationships

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters

Acting: Pass

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Good lawyer scene.

Cheating husband and wants alimony. What a bastard.

Fail of friends talk scenes throughout.

Fail of Tuscany house scene.

Ah…the sad lives of mid-high income White people. Cry me a river.

Flat characters. Fail of writing.

Fail of almost all scenes.

"But the polish boy is ugly dear, you can do much better." Jokes.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Holes, 2003: FAIL

Commercial Success

Writer: Louis Sachar

Director: Andrew Davis

Dialogue: Fail

Fail of all dialogue.

Plot: A boy wants to steal shoes.

Story: Relationships, Ambition

Characters: Fail

Fail of all characters.

Acting: Fail

Comments:

Fail of intro.

Shia LaBeouf. Wow.

Sending a kid to jail. What? None of this makes sense.

Fail of all camp jail scenes throughout.

Fail of trial scene. Powerfully stupid movie. Complete fail of writing.

Fail of all scenes.

Fail of all flashback scenes throughout.

Hey, the Black guy from The West Wing (Dulé Hill) Wow. Nice to see you. What a blast from the past.

Fail of climax scene.

Fail of ending.

Continued in Part 2